[Red Moon]

Z-listers go bush for some ritual humiliation

If you are in desperate need of a dose of trashy, inane 'car crash' television to occupy you on those wet winter nights ahead, well take heart because tomorrow, a batch of has-beens and low-rent celebrities will be sent into the Australian jungle for the seventh incarnation of the successful show, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!

Just for the record, when I use the word 'celebrity' to refer to this crowd of Z-list misfits, I'm using it in the loosest possible sense.

Over the past few weeks, rumours have been rife as to who will appear on the hit show. Paris Hilton was even mentioned at one stage as a likely contestant, which, let's be honest, is as likely to happen as me being mistaken for Kate Moss.

Ingrid Tarrant, estranged wife of philanderer Chris Tarrant was also said to be in the running. Lisa Robertson, the air hostess who romped with actor Ralph Fiennes in the toilet on a flight to India earlier this year was also believed to be in the picture until it was reported that producers opted to pull her for fear that her seedy past would bring the show into disrepute.

While ITV bosses have remained tight-lipped as to who will definitely be entering the jungle tomorrow, it has been revealed that among the 'celebrities' taking part in this annual "please revive my career" competition are former Hollyoaks star Gemma Atkinson, who famously dated Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo; foul-mouthed Sex Pistols boss Malcolm McLaren; Katie Hopkins, star of The Apprentice; surgery-addled former supermodel Janice Dickinson, gaff-prone soccer pundit Rodney Marsh, uber-posh Changing Rooms designer Anna Ryder Richardson (yawn), Jason Brown from boyband Five (double yawn) and the follicly challenged Richard and Fred Fairbrass of cheesy pop-band Right Said Fred.

The people of Germany are said to be still 'deeply dippy' about the two baldies. It's such a shame they didn't opt to spare our eyes and ears and appear on the Deutsch spin-off show, Ich bin ein Star, holt mich hier raus!

Completing the line-up are actor Christopher Biggins, crooner Cerys Matthews, celebrity chef John Burton Race and PR guru Lynne Franks.

We could also be privy to some serious Hammer Time after it was reported that the pantaloons king himself, MC Hammer, will take part.

The eye-candy for us women will present itself in the form of ex-EastEnders hunk Marc Bannerman who played Gianna Di Marco in the soap (slim pickings, I know). Kinky Kate Hopkins clearly has nothing to lose by going on the show, considering the world has already seen her in the most undignified position possible.

Kate's bare bottom was printed all over British tabloid papers after she was photographed engaging in a nude steamy romp in a field with a married man.

Aside from facilitating the most irritating and intellectually challenged love match in modern history (Peter Andre and Jordan), I'm a Celebrity ... has produced some memorable TV moments, including David Gest convincing his fellow campers that his chosen charity was "CGWH" -- Chinese Girls with Herpes and that he had a loyal maid named Vaginicka Seamen.

The success of this show stems from society's insatiable appetite for watching celebrities in all their egotistical glory self-destruct. My inner sadist comes out during I'm a Celebrity.There's something so gratifying about watching the self-imposed misfortunes of these oddballs as life in the jungle eats away at them.

What makes this show that extra bit special is that with each series, the level of infliction of misery is increased and the bushtucker trials made more ghastly. Last week, 12 crocodile penises were reportedly transported to the programme's base. Taking part in the show reeks of profound desperation. It is believed that producers will throw two new contestants into the mix four days into the show, during a two-part live show.

As someone who parades around in her skimpies for a living and who is renowned for her monstrous mammaries, Gemma Atkinson has the 'Baps of the Bush' title well and truly wrapped up.

Personally, I am most looking forward to watching Janice Dickinson -- the woman with a face like a collapsed roof and who counts Warren Beatty among her many Hollywood conquests.

Janice is renowned for her outspoken manner, acerbic tongue and high-class designer demands. She will undoubtedly ruffle a few feathers in the bush.

So here's to three weeks of extraordinarily boring celebrity smalltalk, petty bickering, sobbing, attention-seeking, tantrum-throwing and a whole lot of testicle-chewing.

The new series of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, which is aired on TV3 and ITV, begins tomorrow at 9pm.

Source: Irish Independent

[Conor]

OMG, 7 series already. Thanks for posting this Red!

I could swear the Celebs get worse each series.

[Red Moon]

Originally posted by Conor
I could swear the Celebs get worse each series.

That is what the English Independent said in their television review for the coming week. I going to watch the first show to see what it is all about this year. If it seems any good I might watch it for something to do.