[Romantic Old Bird]

We are given to understand that the one and only, the awesome, the absolutely stonkingly gorgeous Paul Clarke has a birthday this Friday.

I'd buy him a magic mirror, then he could ask:

'Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Have I lost any hair at all?'

And the mirror would answer:

Fairest of men, whom nature blesses
The one who has such perfect tresses
You do not need to fret or care
You have a blinding head of hair!


And:

A refrigerated lunch box

to keep his .....................................

coleslaw sandwiches double cool


What would you buy him?
:

[chickenthing]

I would buy Mr Clarke a snakes and ladders set

ooooh Mr Clark!!!!!

[peachy]

Well, I could buy him a cook book so that he could perfect stll further his already 'absolutely blinding fish-pie'.

but I think he deserves something really special so I think I'll buy him his own coach so he can practice climbing out of the front skylight and climbing in at the rear. We don't want him to have an accident when he's out doing 'mental stuff' with his mates, now do we?

Practice makes perfect Mr.Clarke!

[milly]

you've got it bad girls

[Sticks]

A Boots gift voucher

Generally a good stand by

[Romantic Old Bird]

Ohh, Sticks, you certainly know how to push the boat out!

He could get his very own hot water bottle, but there again, he shouldn't need it.

Or perhaps some hair gel

Do Tesco's do vouchers? Let's be practical eh, Sticks! No fun please, we're British!

[Abbyindahouse]

I would give Paul me for his Birthday & he could keep me in his secret room.

[kaphc]

For Mr Clarke I'd have to buy
A most appropriate gift
I think some Lego Technix
Would make his heart beat swift

He could play away to his hearts content
Building and designing
Until I'd cooked him fab fish pie
And then I would remind him .....

That pink and glitter may be fun
But to save him all that bother
And heartache, why doesn't he just come
To the forum called ThisisBigBrother!

Ok so it nearly rhymes

[milly]

what would i give paul for a pressie,eerrrmm,let me see,well if i had the power i would give him a 12 month contract at a top london model agency,modeling the latest designer underwear,its got to be underwear you understand,so i could ogle that fab bod(cough)err sorry everyone,got a bit carried away there
well i think he would make a top model,and why hasn't he been snapped up already.

[Romantic Old Bird]

Milly, that is possibly the best idea for a present ever!!

I think we should leave no stone unturned in our attempts to secure such a contract on his behalf as soon as is humanly possible. I mean, he looked good in boxers, but Y fronts and briefs - be still my beating heart!!!!!!!!

I thought Basildon had cured me, but, OH NO, you have reminded me of the wonder that is Paul Clarke. He cannot keep his magnificent torso hidden from all but his fellow gym members and one Welsh hairdresser.

That would be like putting the Mona Lisa in a cupboard, or putting a pair of breeks on Michaelangelo's David.

It cannot be allowed.

I will write to his agent immediately offering to do the photoshoot for his portfolio. It will have to be extensive of course........................................

[Sticks]

Book Tokens are a safe bet.

How about Argyle socks

Hello ????

[milly]

awww,that's not fair,i thought of it first,i should do the photo shootand boy would i enjoy every minute of ittrouble is if i did it,no one would see the photo's,because i would keep em all for myself

[Romantic Old Bird]

OK Milly, you do the photoshoot. Fair do's you thought of the modelling contract!

However, you need and assistant. Someone to rub in the baby oil, standby to help him change between shots, someone to check if the light is striking his well honed muscles at exactly the right angle. hang on, that could be me!

Well, OK then, if you insist.....................:s pin2:

[milly]

hey that sounds better than doing the photo shoot,i think i've conned herebut go on then,you've got a dealoh and one more thing,go easy on the boy

[chilledbootz]

Ok I think i'd have to buy him a BBQ because he could spend the evening assembling it with H and they could relive the moments talking about "screwy things" and "twisty nutty things" etc. See i'm caring I bought him something that he and H can enjoy (through gritted teeth!!!!) and i'm fine about it

[Romantic Old Bird]

As we all know, Paul Clarke is a well brought up young man, and he has spent the morning writing his thankyou letters for all the lovely gifts he received for his 26th Birthday. Thought you might like to see some of them.


Dear Nan,

Thanks for the present. I have put it in our bathroom and it looks lovely. It's great having all these lovely things for our flat, and it makes it really cosy and homely.

Helen says to say she loves the pink skirt the lady has. We agree with you, it's a really tasteful way of covering up that spare toilet roll! Helen says 'it's bad enough being photographed buying it, you do not want it lying about uncovered, do you Paul?'

I know you didn't have time to knit me the usual socks, but the last ones you made me are really hard wearing, and Helen has bought me some nice ones from Burberry anyway.

Yes, she is feeding me properly and she makes sure I have a clean hankie every day. She is taking good care of me so don’t you worry.

Lots of love and kisses from

Your little Paulie-Waulie
xxxxxxx
.................................................. .................



Dear Auntie Flo,

Thankyou so much for buying me such a lovely present. A really, really original idea as well! I mean, I can't tell you how useful it has already been.

I mean, Aloe Vera foot cream, it's callous-tastic mate! The hard skin on my heels is already softening up nicely. Helen says it's great for her cuticles as well.

Sorry we didn’t get to see you at Reading last weekend, and I hope the Chipping Norton International Chiropodists Convention went really well.

Love Paul
xxxxxx

.................................................. .................



Robert. What can I say, mate?

Very bloody funny!

I hope you don’t mind, but me and H have swapped your ‘How babies are made’ DVD for something a bit more useful. I wanted to get Classic Grand Prix moments, but Helen pointed out that Moulin Rouge would be great, and it would remind us of our weekend in Paris.

As you will learn if you ever get a girlfriend who isn’t inflatable (hahaha), you have to keep them sweet, so I agreed.

Anyway, that Nicole Kidman mate, I mean!

West side!
See ya mate!

.................................................. .................


Dear ‘Peachy’,

Thank you for the Cookery Book. It has some amazing recipes in it, and I already tried the first one out. Mind you I am a fantastic cook. Sometimes I amaze myself!

My egg was the b*****ks! I mean, the egg, right? Brilliant! Just perfect, still a bit runny in the middle! Blinding with soldiers!

I am glad you enjoyed watching me on Big Brother so much. It was amazing. Really, really mad. You are right, they were nasty to me, and it wasn’t nice, not nice at all.

I’m afraid I don’t have a picture of myself in those light blue boxer shorts to send you at the moment, but I hope you like this great shot of me at Kev’s party last week.




Best wishes

Paul

P.S. It was fancy dress

.................................................. .................

Dear ROB

Thanks for the thought, girl, but I am afraid I am returning your present in the post.

Underwear is a thoughtful gift, but please keep yours to yourself. Alternatively, you could send them to Biggin Hill for use as a wind sock.

I don’t know how you got my address, but please do not contact me here again.

Ever.

Yours Respectfully

Paul Clarke

[splodge0]

If you don't do something with this oh so obvious talent you have, it will be a crying shame.

Write a book on some people who need to get a life...... No names now, but you've got my profile to start you off with......

splodge0

[Sticks]

So R.O.B

what did he get with the gardening token

How did the copy of "Tracing you local history at the church yard" go down

[peachy]

Oh ROB, I'm so sorry that Paulie-Waulie didn't like your pressie. I thought those double-gusset reinforced interlock navy blue high waisted jobbies that you sent him were an excellent idea, and so hard wearing. Never mind, he liked my pressie, I knew he would. I have such exquisite taste, you know!


Seriously, I laughed out loud at his gran's and his aunt's pressies. And I liked my mention. Very honoured I was. Fame beckons I feel, now that I have been featured in ROB's posts

: hello:

[Romantic Old Bird]

Dear Peachy

I'm sorry I couldn't send you the photo you asked for.

Me and Helen were so grateful for the book you sent, and we don't like to let you down. We had Toad in the Hole today and Helen suddenly looked up and said

'Why don't you send her that lovely one of you with nothing on?'

and I thought, why not!

So here it is.

Hoping you like it

Kind Regards,

Paul




Sorted!

[peachy]

Oh My God, Paul Clarke, what can I say, words fail me!!






Oh bless his little cotton socks and his sticky out ears, the little love!!!


: blush:

[susieq]

Oh Poor ROB - fancy Paul sending your beautiful present back. And they had that lovely little pocket for his hankies as well.

I notice he didn't mention he'd kept the sky blue airtex polo shirt or that ever so tasteful (and very short) maroon gym skirt - can't guess who'll be wearing those tonight and indulging in a little bit of role playing fantasy!

He obviously doesn't want to declare his secret passion for you in front of the lovely glittery one - it will be your little secret. Hope you found the billet-doux he'd secreted in that double gusset, it's sure to bring a smile to your face.

ROB - don't think about it too much you know you'll break out in hives again. Take an extra swig of your medication, lie down in a darkened room and everything wil be OK in the morning - promise.

[Romantic Old Bird]

Susieq!

How did you know about the deepest darkest secrets of the recesses of my troubled mind?

Uncanny!

I tried to take your advice, but couldn't find my medication last night, so had to settle for some Horlicks. I slept only fitfully I must admit, and OH the night away oblivious of my inner turmoil. Could Susieq be right? Would there be a note, a love token?

When the postman walked up my path this morning I was taut with anticipation, an involuntary twitch playing above my left eye.

I snatched the door open and grabbed the proferred parcel from his hand. His friendly face registered first surprise and then horror as could not fail to notice the now uncontrollable twitching and winking of my eye, reminiscent of Herbert Lom confronted with Closeau.

I attempted to thank him, but my excessive drooling only resulted in producing an incoherent gargle.

He stumbled backwards down the path, eschewing my offer to sign for the package.

Alone at last, I closed the door behind me and carried the box tenderly to the kitchen table. I placed it reverently down and observed it from every angle.

I opened the box, oh so carefully. There inside were my Sunday best, carefully refolded, with the letter inside.

You could tell they were folded with love, but sorry Susieq, no note in the double gusset.

Even so I am happy.

Paul Clarke has handled my drawers! My life is complete.......................................... .

[milly]

oh rob,i don't know you very well,but your so funny,it's just took me 2 days to read all your posts from rob's little world,now i know why everybody loves you,please don't stoppaul needs to meet you,you would have him eating out of your hands no problem