[Red Moon]

Jodie Marsh: Now I've got perfect new boobs I'll be at it like a maniac

Jodie Marsh has never been averse to a spot of fakery, whether it’s halogen-white veneers, nuclear tan or even a TV wedding. But one thing has always been 100% genuine about this glamour girl: her boobs. Poster girl for the natural cleavage ever since she strutted out with nothing but two tiny belts over her 32DDs, Jodie pointedly called her autobiography Keeping It Real after her catfight with Jordan over the merits of flesh versus fake.

So it’s a shock to discover Jodie has succumbed to the scalpel and is now the proud owner of 32GG implants. What fresh madness is this in the world of Jodie Marsh?

She looks a mixture of sheepish and thrilled with her new toys.

‘I know having surgery is a cop-out, but the truth is, I want to feel confident when I’m naked with a bloke,’ she says. ‘I’m going to spend the rest of my life apologising for having a boob job, I feel like having “I’m sorry” tattooed across them, but I had to do what makes me happy.’

And what makes Jodie happy, as it happens, is sex: the wild, wanton variety with the lights on and the bra off. Which is when the problem arose.

‘There are so many images of women with amazing fake boobs and I didn’t feel like mine were good enough, especially when I was having sex,’ she says. ‘I’d wear two bras to push my boobs up, so it was embarrassing when I got a man home. I’d feel like I’d conned him when I took my bra off because they weren’t actually that big or pert.’

The last straw came when Jodie felt too bashful to get jiggy with a guy she’s ‘sort of dating’ (more of that later).

‘I had this wave of panic at the thought of getting naked,’ she says. ‘He was always saying how lovely my boobs were, and I thought, “When I take my bra off you’re going to be disappointed”. When we finally did have sex I was pulling away because I didn’t want him to feel them. I thought, “Why am I feeling sh*t when I could just change my body?” It’s so common now, it’s like changing your hair colour.’

Common, yes, but having highlights is hardly in the same league as Jodie’s op, which combined silicone implants with a full breast lift. You might question why Jodie has put herself through all that trauma just to avoid short-changing a bloke she doesn’t even class as a boyfriend. (‘I don’t want anything serious. Just casual sex, that’s all men are good for,’ she laughs.)

But she insists her new breasts are ‘for me, not for a man’. She explains, ‘I have a better sex life when I feel good about my body. Men notice whether you’re good or sh*t in bed, and what makes you good is having all the lights on, throwing yourself around in every position. You can’t do that if you feel embarrassed about your body. I could meet the perfect man tomorrow and if I do, I’ve now got perfect boobs for him.’

So what’s changed for Jodie, the woman who was once so proud of her breasts she went out with the word ‘REAL’ scribbled on them?

‘They’ve definitely got saggier as I’ve got older,’ she says. ‘But it’s also pressure from society. I think society has forgotten what real boobs look like, and women like me end up thinking our boobs aren’t nice because they disappear into our armpits. I know there was nothing wrong with mine, but at the same time I wanted those round, pert footballs.’

Jodie’s op was carried out by top cosmetic surgeon Alex Karidis, who was under strict instructions to make her breasts look ‘real, but not too real’.

‘I told him my perfect boobs would be like Pammy Anderson’s, they’re clearly fake but they don’t look stuck on.’ No prizes for guessing whose boobs she didn’t want. ‘Jordan’s of course,’ she scoffs. ‘You wouldn’t want to copy anything she’s done. She’s like the Bride of Wildenstein in my eyes.’

Unlike her arch enemy, who’s now on her fourth set of breasts, Jodie swears she won’t be back in the theatre demanding a bigger, better rack.

‘I’m 100% happy,’ she says. Besides, the pain is enough to put her off a repeat booking. ‘It felt like I’d been trampled by a herd of elephants,’ she says. ‘I couldn’t do anything for myself. When I needed the loo I had to ask the nurse to take my knickers down for me.’

Speaking of underwear removal, when are the new boobs going to be road-tested? Jodie grins wickedly. ‘I’m going to wait until they’ve healed up and look really good, but I’m excited about it. It’s going to be like losing my virginity again. I’m going to be at it like a maniac. My friend sent me some nipple tassels and I’ll definitely use them.’

So who’s the lucky man then?

‘He’s not famous, just a nice, normal guy. We’ve had a few dates and that’s it,’ she says. ‘I’m not rushing headfirst into relationships any more, trying to find the fairy tale.’

You may recall Jodie’s last serious romance had anything but a happy ending. The climax of her MTV series Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle? saw our blushing bride say ‘I do’ to male model Matt Peacock, a union that dissolved acrimoniously a month later after the groom claimed he and Jodie had been intimately acquainted before filming even started.

Jodie has her own side to the story.

‘It wasn’t a fix. Believe it or not, I take marriage very seriously. I honestly thought that was me sorted for life, I thought we’d have kids,’ she says. ‘I did genuinely think he was the one, if only I could change him, if only he didn’t have such a temper.’

MTV viewers were regularly treated to Jodie and Matt screeching obscenities at each other, but Jodie claims Matt’s mood took a disturbing turn off-screen.

‘He used to break and smash things all the time: he broke a door in my house, he threw my iPod against the wall, he threw my mobile out of the window,’ she recounts. ‘The last straw was when he came charging at me and shoved me into a door. I fell onto the floor and he shook me, screaming in my face. The minute he walked away I called my dad who came round and threw Matt out.’

Jodie has to wait a year before she can divorce the man she now refers to as ‘Matt Pisscock’, and regrettable though the episode was, she says it’s made her grow up.

‘Of course I’d like to get married and have kids but I’m not so desperate for it to happen. If it does, wicked, but I’d rather use a sperm donor and be a single mum than be tied to some loser.’

For now, Jodie says she’s happy with her lot: ‘family, friends, dogs, Harley Davidson, nice house’. And of course, implants. ‘It sounds like a cliché, but getting new boobs really has changed me as a person,’ she says. ‘I feel fresh and new, I’m loving life at the moment and my boobs are the final piece.’

MIAOW!

She wouldn’t be our Jodie without her deliciously evil streak, and it’s not long before the claws are out. Hooray!

Ulrika Jonsson

First on the Marsh hit list is Ulrika, who recently described Jodie as ‘ridiculous’. Jodie spits: ‘She’s got 94 kids by 94 dads! Who the ****** is she to say anything about me, ever. Ulrika can just die.’

Pete Burns

Next up is Pete, who has clearly not been forgiven for his despicable bullying of Jodie in the Big Brother house. ‘He had one hit about 60 years ago, he’s only famous for turning himself into a freak,’ she snipes.

Jordan & Kerry Katona

‘One day the truth will come out about Jordan,’ Jodie seethes. ‘If people are stupid enough to believe everything they see and read that’s their problem.’ And what will people find out? ‘Look at Kerry Katona, that’s all I’m saying. Giving people the title Celebrity Mum Of The Year when they’re drinking alcohol while pregnant, ****** off. One day I’ll get Celebrity Mum Of The Year and it will be because I really am a good mum, not because I’ve pretended to be a good mum while my mum has been looking after my kids, like Jordan has. The public need to realise Jordan and Kerry Katona are wrong ’uns and I’m the one that’s been right all along,’ adds Jodie. ‘People will realise it one day, even if it takes 20 years. One day they’ll think, “We gave her a hard time. Forget the fake tits, she really was keeping it real”.’

Source:Sunday Mirror