[Hooly One]

NO prizes for naming Big Bore's most interesting housemate.

It's that flame-haired plaster of Paris model - the new arrival whose conversational skills outstrip the rest of Channel 4's staggeringly inarticulate morons.

After his pathetic self-abuse session plumbed record depths, psychotic Jason sank even lower. As Uncle Fester lookalike Dan lovingly made a cast of Jay's buttocks the sartorial minimalist deliberately broke wind. When the horrible housemates were asked to choose the best bits of their bodies as they bodged together the sculpture, wide-faced former man Nadia looked nonplussed. She had the best bit surgically removed!

Unaware that his antics have sparked angry petitions from viewers who want him out, Mr Popularity Victor continued to believe he's actually going to win.

Now nicknamed Evictor, the pretend gangster's got as much chance as preposterous gender- bender Nadia: None whatsoever.

Meanwhile, pie-faced Michelle and stupid Stuart's non-romance is as dead as a dodo, vile Vanessa and juvenile Jason have called time on their adolescent relationship - and everyone else just wanders around being dull.

With last week's riot and Emma's unfair dismissal, this soul destroying series peaked far too early. Now it's all over bar narcoleptic Ahmed's snoring.

The Mirror

[Julia L]

Miaow! That journalist is seriously catty - but then, he IS writing for The Mirror.

[Hooly One]

True Julia L