[Amy]

The Big Brother 4 Scot gives his verdict on the contestants, 64 days after they entered the house

NADIA There's so much sentiment for our Nads. After louts shouted her 'secret', Nadia was visibly distressed. Her housemates could not make out what was said - and I hear the louts were escorted away with their tails between their legs.

MICHELLE The neurotic nymph will be pleased to learn that her under-the-table molestation of Stuart led to a momentous breakthrough in physics. It was indeed that moment of entrapment that led to Professor Stephen Hawking revising his black hole theory.

DANIEL His touching embrace of Nadia, when he knew she was upset at what was shouted, made even a humanity-hating individual like me smile. Truly an inspiring piece of empathy. Such gentle affection brings tears to my eyes. Why didn't he try it on with her though?

SHELL I didn't realise the sheer level of destitution Shell's mother was living in until I saw the disturbing images of her family messages sent from what I can only describe as an upper-middle-class country manor. In this day and age, no one should have to live like that.

STUART Imagine if Michelle and Stu-pid's actions were to lead to a wee bambino. I worry as to what form this mutant spawn may take. A magazine is giving readers a chance to win a trip to New York with Stu-pid and Team Handsome. I'd rather win chronic haemorrhoids.

JASON This is one fat shiny hobbit that refuses to return to the Shire. The Hamilton Palace will have to wait before the luminous orange, balding 'nugget' strolls through their doors and orders a magnum of their finest sweet cider.

Article from Daily Record