[Red Moon]

Britney on X Factor? You couldn't mic it up

OVER in ITV’s blue studio land “Excitement is at fever pitch”, and the hype is out of control.

For, as Dermot O’Leary never tires of reminding us, “The incredible Britney Spears is coming up”, “Performing live”. “On this very stage”. “Any minute now . . . ”

She’s just watching Casualty, backstage in the Green Room, with her nut fudge entourage.

But she WILL be here, after a few more ad breaks, reasonably soon.

Meantime, for the non shell-shocked among you, I should probably explain it’s another nasty, brutish and long episode of The X Factor, featuring the elusive Ms Spears. The Fathers For Justice poster girl, who failed to give contestants the usual guest star masterclass this week.

A great pity.

Head shaving and how to attack a photographer’s SUV with a giant green umbrella.

It could’ve been the show’s funniest night since Chico Time.

Instead we get more of the contestants, more of the judges and more of their damned cliches, which were supposedly banned just three weeks ago.

It means I can confirm: Ruth is still “A Spanish rock Chick”. Eoghan definitely “Nailed it”. And, of all the great bands who’ve appeared on The X Factor — The Conway Sisters, Eton Road, The Unconventionals — JLS are, arguably, the most recent.

Of the rest? Alexandra is the most talented and deserving contestant, just as she was five months ago.

However, for reasons known only to Simon Cowell, the officially approved winner appears to be Diana Vickers (Cilla Blackburn). A trilling, barefooted vibrato, from Lancashire, who should attempt Walking On Broken Glass, literally. ’Cos she’s clearly been gargling with it.

She’s a dreadful noise, and you may well have been wondering “How the hell will this girl ever make a living?”

When — CLUNK!

Britney Spears finally lands, with a defeating thud, and starts giving a performance that’s half-assed, in every way.

She’s spilling out of her lukewarm pants like it’s a warm night for the girls on the Reeperbahn. She’s miming like Marcel Marceau with arthritis and she’s clearly carrying a lot of personal baggage. That headset without the batteries, for starters.

Where I thought she really excelled, though, was Dermot’s post-match interview.

“How do you like the acts?”

“Awe-sum! I met so many different people. The place is beautiful and I love being here in London. Awe-sum!”

Awe-sum indeed. A great TV moment that even put Louis Walsh’s earlier claim (“I don’t want JLS in the bottom two tonight, ’cos there isn’t a bottom two”) in the shade.

It reminded me why I love the unpredictability of live television and, apart from Ant & Seb’s audition, it’s probably the only moment I’ll treasure from an average series.

So let’s not batter them with a serious point. But, by miming her new single, Britney Spears did also undermine the whole sodding point of The X Factor.

And next time one of the judges claims “This is a singing competition”, remember the standing ovation they gave her and the sage words of Simon Cowell at the beginning of the show.

“It’s Britney Spears. So everyone’s got to up their game tonight.”

Everyone, that is, apart from Britney Spears.

Source: The Sun

[robb]

Can't argue with most of the above..................

[GiRTh]

Nicely put.