[Matt]

Six are about to become four in...

[Sam]

OMG AHHH! good luck everyone

[Matt]

Hello, and welcome to the fourth firing of TiBB Apprentice 2009.

It's been another eventful task as the two teams each wrote stories for the creative writing forum.

Twelve forum members became characters in the two stories - the Oinks' "If U Seek Britney", and Team Fetch's "Outside Of The Box".

Tonight, another two candidates from the losing team will be leaving the competition.

[Nicky.]

Oh my gawdd!

Good luck everyone!

[Tom]

Good luck all

[Locke.]

Can you do it in 23 minutes? The footie is on!

[Matt]

But first of all, we need to find out who the losing team is.

A panel of three judges are about to give their thoughts on the two team's stories.

They will confim which of the two they prefer - and the team behind the story with the most judge votes will win, with the losing team facing the firing.

The judges are...

[Sam]

[Loukas]

Good Luck Piggys. Good Luck to our team too, hopefully Fetch will have it's first win of the comp *Crosses Fingers*

[Matt]

...huge contributor to the creative writing forum Magic, and forum members Satisfaction and JOSHUAH!.

Magic will be the first to judge, so it's over to him...

[Magic]

If U Seek Britney – Team One [/b]

So, where shall I begin? I think in this task you have thought well, and you have combined three factors which make ANY TiBB game or story a success. You have used interaction, members and Miss Britney Spears – but I am not sure if it was quite enough.

I do like general outline of the story, I think you have used real imagination and comedy, and have finished with a great outcome. But, I do think you could have made several improvements. First of all, personally I think the layout could do with an adjustment; the paragraphs could have been more divided and I dont think writing in italics made the easiest read. Secondly, I understand there was a limited word count but sometimes I think things moved too fast, and in some places the story doesn’t seem to have a natural flow.

My final flaw is in the ‘interaction element’ – it didn’t seem clear what we were voting for! You didn’t explain clearly saying what the voting options were, and somebody had to ask for the voting link!

To summarise – I think the original concept was good – but it just didn’t seem to run as smoothly as it could of.

Outside Of The Box – Team Two

I really like the idea of your piece, as I have feel you have used two factors which make a easy to read story – short chunks and comedy. However, I don’t think you have used the right approach. To me, after reading three it seemed to get boring – it was just too much one way dialogue! What about body language, and the psychiatrists responses?

Also, I think on one of the articles you have lacked imagination. Does ‘Ross' remind you of anyone? A boy with a slightly autistic personality traits, and has a Rat, often talks about numbers, and little about emotion? It seems you have completely stolen the character of Christopher from Mark Haddons ‘The Curious Incident of The Dog at Night Time’ – and unless this is purely coincidental, it seems imagination hasn’t been used generously here, and it makes me wonder if the other characters aren’t original ideas by you.

However, I think you picked on members little flaws, and exaggerated them – which made a great read!

[Tom]

Just in our defence Magic, both endings and the advert to vote all had to come within our word limit and we finished with 4 words to spare so ...

[Loukas]

It seems you have completely stolen the character of Christopher from Mark Haddons ‘The Curious Incident of The Dog at Night Time’

I think it's a coincidence, i haven't even heard of that book.

Thanks for your comments magic.

[Sam]

And i'm sure the fact it's italic shouldn't effect the overall outcome

[Nicky.]

..and it was in like size 7 or 8 the 'Click here to vote!' and I think it was pretty easy to work out what 'Should Britney get killed or not?' meant

[Magic]

I really am unsure of what decision to make - both have strengths and weaknesses - But I am going for the more creative, yet less 'easy read' story - 'If U Seek Britney'

[Tom]

Thanks

[Sam]

Thank you very much

[Nicky.]

Thank youu

[Loukas]

Originally posted by Magic
I really am unsure of what decision to make - both have strengths and weaknesses - But I am going for the more creative, yet less 'easy read' story - 'If U Seek Britney'

Ok, Fair Points. Well Done Oinks. Thanks Magic

[Matt]

Thank you Magic.

The next judgement comes from Satisfaction. He is currently offline, but he provided me with his opinions before he signed off.

He said,

Outside Of The Box -
I really like the concept of it. The images really helped convey the story and the way that it was written, almost like a log, was extremely effective. I also liked how Part One dealt with the problem, and Part Two showed how it had been resolved after a week. The way it was written was clever, I liked how it was all speech from the patient though more narration of what they were doing could've been a nice addition. I feel each person could have been elaborated on, perhaps dig a bit deeper, although I understand there was a word limit. Overall, I felt the story flowed well, it was easy to follow and it was different, and therefore enjoyable.

If U Seek Britney -
Interesting wordplay on the title. At first glance, it's not easy on the eyes. I think you could've spaced out the paragraphs to make that easier. As for the story, I think it was pretty good, certainly imaginative. It was a very fast-paced story, I don't know whether that was intended but it got a bit confusing as to what was happening at times and some parts could have done with more detail as it did move on very quickly. The interactivity element was a great idea though, and it was well written, I could see it published.

I preferred...

[Loukas]

Thank you Darren

[Sam]

We had a lot to pack into a small story. lol

[Nicky.]

Thanks

It was short and sweet because of the word count, we had like 3 words spare.. so yanno :3

[Matt]

...Team Fetch's story

Thanks to Darenn (Satisfaction).

That means that the score is tied at 1-1.