[Firewire]

Dear Christina,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when I saw the purple monkey in your closet and I saw you carve your initials into the Catholic Priest.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand how awful you are.
I'm returning your Elton John poster & the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep the results of that blood sample as a memory.
You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and I'm off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Best of luck on the sex change,

Jonathan


Pick a friend, any friend, choose the correct answers, and fill in the blanks in the message at the bottom. Tag them, See what they say. It's Funny!

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue – our romance is over
Red – our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black – I dislike your eyelashes
Green – our socks don't match
Grey – you're a pervert
Yellow – I'm selling myself for candy
Pink – your nostrils are insulting
Brown – the mafia wants you
No shirt – you're mean
Other – I'm in love with your cat

2. Which is your birth month?
January – that night you picked your nose
February – last year when you peed your pants
March – when your dwarf bit me
April – when I tripped on peanut butter
May – when I threw up in your sock drawer
June – when you punched me in the face
July – when you smacked my butt
August – when I saw the purple monkey
September – when you farted in the bathtub
October – when I quoted Forest Gump
November – when your dog humped my leg
December – when I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos – in your apartment
Lasagna – in your car
Pasta – outside of your office
Hamburgers – under the bus
Salad – as you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken – in your closet
Kebab – with Jean Chrιtien
Fish – in a clown suit
Sandwiches – at the Elton John concert
Pizza – at the mental hospital
Hot dog – under a street light
Other – with George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow – hit on
Red – insult
Black – ignore
Blue – knock out
Purple – pour syrup on
White – carve your initials into
Grey – pull the clothes off
Brown – put whipped cream on
Orange – smile at
Pink – pull the pants off of
Barefoot – sit on
Other – drive over

5. What's the color of your pants?
Black – my boyfriend
White – my father
Grey – the Catholic Priest
Brown – your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple – my corned beef hash
Red – my knee caps
Blue – my salt-beef bucket
Yellow – my illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange – my Blink 182 cd
Pink – the Montreal Canadian’s goalie
None – my prized statue of Michael Jackson
Other - the elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs – man
O.C. – emotional
One Tree Hill – open
Heroes – frostbitten
Lost – high
House – sly
Simpsons – cowardly
The news – scarred
Idol – masochistic
Family Guy – senile
Top Model – middle-class
Other – ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy – how awful you are
Sad – how boring you are
Bored – that Santa doesn't exist
Angry – that your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – that we’re related
Excited – that I may pee my pants
Nervous – the middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried – that your car sucks
Apathetic – that you need a sex-change
Ashamed – that I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly – that I eat garbage
Silly – that there is no solution to you being dumb
Other – that your driving sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White/Beige – your toe ring
Yellow – your love letters to me
Red – your Elton John poster
Black – your pet rock
Blue – the couch cushions
Green – the pictures from Vegas
Orange – your false teeth
Brown – your nose hair clippers
Grey – our matching snoopy underwear
Purple – your New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink – the cut toenails
Other – your booger collection

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B – your photo with the mustache drawn on it
C/D – the oil tank from your car
E/F – your neighbor's dog
G/H – my chastity belt
I/J – the results of that blood-sample
K/L – your left ear
M/N – your book of poetry
O/P – my common sense
Q/R – your mom
S/T – your collection of butterflies
U/V – your criminal record
W/X – your glass eye
Y/Z – your lock of hair

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B – told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D – never will forget that night
E/F – always wanted to break your legs
G/H – hate your cooking
I/J – mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L – will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N – gave my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P – was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R – always will remember the pep talks
S/T – get sick when I think of your feet
U/V – will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X – haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Coffee – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk – the apartment building is on fire
Water – thanks for the cocaine
Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – you ruined my attempts at another world war and world domination
Mineral water – you should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot Chocolate – your cucumber fetish is weird
Beer – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Wine – our friendship is ruined
Hard Liquor – I love Oprah Winfrey
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia – Best of luck on the sex change
France – Love always
Spain – Go drown yourself
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan – Go milk a cow
Greece – Your everlasting enemy
USA – Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England – With enough to undertears of sadness

NOW ITS YOUR TURN!

Dear (your friends name),

I don't really know how to tell you this, but (_1_). I think I realized it (_2_) (_3_) and I saw you (_4_) (_5_).
I'm sure you're (_6_) enough to understand (_7_).
I'm returning (_8_) to you, but I'll keep (_9_) as a memory.
You should also know that I (_10_) and (_11_).

(_12_),
(_YOUR NAME)

[Christina]

LOL i got scared when i read the first bit, i was like 'What affair?!'

[Christina]

Dear Josh,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when I threw up in your sock drawer at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on the elephant in the corner.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand how boring you are.
I'm returning the cut toe nails to you, but I'll keep the oil tank from your car as a memory.
You should also know that I hate your cooking and your cucumber fetish is weird.

Best of luck on the sex change,
Christina xXx

[Ross]

Dear Lauren,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I’m joining the Convent. I think I realized it when you farted in the bathtub under a street light and I saw you ignore the Catholic Priest.
I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that you need a sex-change.
I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your mum as a memory.
You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Kiss my butt,
Ross.

[Nicky.]

I sent this to my friend Carly, and she sent one back xD


Dear Carly

I don't really know how to tell you this, but , our affair is over. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear outside your office and I saw you sit on my salt-beef bucket.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that I eat garbage.
I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your book of poetry as a memory.
You should also know that I mocked you behind your back constantly and you ruined my attempts at another world war and world domination.

Love always,
Nicky

and



Dear Nicky

I am sorry to have to tell you that our romance is over. I realised I was not in love with you when I tripped on peanut butter in your closet and I saw you drive over my illegitimate child in ghanda.

I'm sure you are frostbitten enough to realise that I may pee my pants. I am returning the couch cushions and your toe ring but I will keep the oil tank from your car for the memorys. You should know that I always will remember the pep talks and I'm off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Greetings to your frog Leonard,

Carly,x

[Novo]

Gay.

[Shaun]

Dear Darenn,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose at the mental hospital and I saw you pull the clothes off my boyfriend.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that there is no solution to you being dumb.
I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory.
You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and your cucumber fetish is weird.

Go milk a cow,
Shaun xoxo

[Sam!]

Dear Sia

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when you punched me in the face outside of your office and I saw you ignore my father.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that santa doesn't exist.
I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies a memory.
You should also know that I was interviewed about the car you stole and I'm off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Greetings to your frog Leonard,
Sam

[Fom]

Dear Hannah

I dont really know how to tell you this, but your a pervert. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose in your car and I saw you sit on my salt-beef bucket.
I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but i'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I gave my confession today about the moose poaching and I have a passionate interest for mice.

Go drown yourself.
Fom

[Fom]

This just full on made me LOL

[Ninastar]

Mine to bapstar


Dear James,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes . I think I realized it when your dog humped my leg at the mental hospital
and I saw you pull the pants off of the Catholic Priest
.
I'm sure you're senile enough to understand how awful you are.
I'm returning the pictures from Vegas to you, but I'll keep the oil tank from your car
as a memory.
You should also know that I hate your cooking and thanks for the cocaine.

Best of luck on the sex change,
Caitlin x

[30stone]

Dear Andy,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I threw up in your sock drawer and I saw you outside of your office pull the clothes off into [/b]my knee caps[/b].
I'm sure you're Cowardly enough to understand that I may pee my pants.
I'm returning the couch cushions & the pictures from Vegas to you, but I'll keep your photo with the mustache drawn on it as a memory.
You should also know will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.

Go drown yourself.
Van Perfect

Darn that took ages lol, should have put numbers in the top bit so i could know where i was putting answers.

[Tom]

Dear supernoodles,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but you’re mean. I think I realized it when you farted in the bathtub at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on the Catholic Priest.
I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that Santa doesn’t exist.
I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory.
You should also know I hate your cooking and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.

Your everlasting enemy
Tom

[MarkWaldorf]

Dear Hugo,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a pervert. I think I realized it when you smacked my butt in your closet and I saw you carve your initials into the Catholic Priest. I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand that I may pee my pants. I'm returning your false teeth to you, but I'll keep your book of poetry as a memory. You should also know that I will never forget that night and you ruined my attempts at another world war and world domination.

Greetings to your frog Leonard,
Mark

[Nicola]

Mine to Rebecca (BigSister)

Dear Rebecca,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose in your car and I saw you drive over the Montreal Canadian’s goalie.
I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that we're related.
I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your book of poetry as a memory.
You should also know that I gave my confession today about the moose poaching
and I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
.

With enough to undertears of sadness,
Nicola