[kirklancaster]

A postman delivers a parcel to old time cowboy Roy Rogers at his ranch house home. Roy sits on his veranda and eagerly opens the parcel. It's a very expensive pair of Cowboy Boots sent by a fan.

Roy is delighted and puts the boots on a bench while he rushes in to tell his wife, but while he's gone, a mountain lion creeps onto the veranda and starts ripping the boots to hell.

Roy comes back out of the house with his wife, sees the lion and grabs his rifle. He takes a shot at the lion but it runs off. Poor old Roy is devastated - his new cowboy boots are chewed to bits. He shakes his head and rings the local cops.

An hour later Roy is on the veranda telling the local Sheriff about the incident, when the Sheriffs deputy sees a lion in the distance.

The deputy interrupts Roy and says:

"Pardon Me Roy, Is That The Cat That Chewed Yer New Shoes".

................................Anyone under 100 years old will not 'get' the above awful joke so could LT explain it to them?..........................

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Scott

why did niamh cross the road

Spoiler:

she is old lol xx

The more I look at this, the more I laugh - because it is so awful it's funny.

[Mystic Mock]

What did people say about Jessie J when she shaved her hair off for Charity? That she has no hairs and graces about her.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by The Mockinator

What did people say about Jessie J when she shaved her hair off for Charity? That she has no hairs and graces about her.

I've got an idea Mock - Why don't we just use this thread to tell each other jokes? Or we can let it die. No -- damn it, I'll tell some real awful ones:

Why did the Moth ball?

'Cos it saw the Cricket Bat.
..................................................

What do you call a Donkey with a missing leg?

A Wonkey.

.................................................. ...........

Keep 'em coming Mock, between us we could keep this going until Christmas - even longer if Scott posts some more.

[Mystic Mock]

Lol too true Kirklancaster, this thread might haunt peoples dreams mwahaha.

1. What do people say about Charlie Landers? That his constantly stoned in Aaron's.

2. What's wrong with the Film Avatar? It feels like it's constantly in a Paradox.

3. What did Arnold Schwartzniger say to the hot lady that turned him down? I'll be back.

4. Who keeps playing Rugby? Fernando Torres.

5. Who else keeps playing Rugby? Blackpool FC.

6. Who's thicker than Patrick Starr from Spongebob Squarepants? No one.

7. What's up with George W? His hiding in a Bush.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by The Mockinator

Lol too true Kirklancaster, this thread might haunt peoples dreams mwahaha.

1. What do people say about Charlie Landers? That his constantly stoned in Aaron's.

2. What's wrong with the Film Avatar? It feels like it's constantly in a Paradox.

3. What did Arnold Schwartzniger say to the hot lady that turned him down? I'll be back.

4. Who keeps playing Rugby? Fernando Torres.

5. Who else keeps playing Rugby? Blackpool FC.

6. Who's thicker than Patrick Starr from Spongebob Squarepants? No one.

7. What's up with George W? His hiding in a Bush.

This bit's actually less awful than our jokes. LOL

[kirklancaster]

Ridley Scot is casting for a multi-million dollar blockbuster film called 'The Great Composers'. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Silvester Stallone, and Robert De Niro are discussing roles.

Stallone says: "I'll be Beethooven.

De Niro says: "I'll be Mozart.

Arnie says: "I'll be Bach"

Boom. Boom.

[kirklancaster]

Why did John Major push his cock into a bowl of ice?

'Cos he'd had it in Currie for 4 years.

[Mystic Mock]

What do people say about Rogan? That he likes to Josh about.

[LukeB]

Why did the chicken cross the road? Too get to the otherside

[Jords]

oh wow loool

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by LukeB

Why did the chicken gross the road? Too get to the otherside

[kirklancaster]

Pig and a chicken went on a railway track
To stretch their little legs
An electric train came down the line
Woo! Woo! Bacon and Eggs.

[LeatherTrumpet]

a naked man jogged past 2 nuns

One had a stroke but the other was too slow

[Jake.]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

a naked man jogged past 2 nuns

One had a stroke but the other was too slow

[Kyle]

How do you get Tom to do what you want?

Spoiler:

Tell him it's an initiation ritual

Sorry Tom, you're a good kid really.

[Jake.]

ffs

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Kyle

How do you get Tom to do what you want?

Spoiler:

Tell him it's an initiation ritual

Sorry Tom, you're a good kid really.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

a naked man jogged past 2 nuns

One had a stroke but the other was too slow

[Mystic Mock]

1. What's round and is a pair to half the world? Boobs.

2. Who was your first kiss? My first kiss was from a Rose.

3. Who herd it coming? Sheep.

4. What happens when someone is at the back end of a Car? They've got the boot.

[kirklancaster]

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are locked out of 221B Baker Street, and Watson says: "Hmmf - I'll go fetch a locksmith, I suppose, what?
Holmes says: " Not necessary Watson" and pulls out a lemon from his pocket, pushes it against the keyhole, and the door swings open.
"Good grief Holmes" Says Watson "How on Earth did you do that?"
Holmes says: "Lemon Entry my dear Watson".

[Liam-]

Originally Posted by ChristMASSEFFECT

How do you get Tom to do what you want?

Spoiler:

Tell him it's an initiation ritual

Sorry Tom, you're a good kid really.

Oh my god