[billy123]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

so you meet some one you like and straight away you go home and end a long term relationship, don't be silly!

Deary me.
If you are going out getting stuck into to someone you dont even know then thats even more pathetic i was more referring more to friendships/relationships you have with other people developing into something else.

If you are prone to putting a relationship on the line at the risk of hurting a partner and your own children just for a one night thing then thats probably a sign its time to have a rethink.

I have put my opinion forward on the type of person that does that and it is inexcusable i will leave it there.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I think it's quite rare that people change others opinions because they're quite often based on our own associations with things from the people around us and who we car about...

..and I do agree that feelings/emotions are complicated and you can't always plan for them but acting on them is always a personal choice...

very true!
but personal choice based on personal situations, its far easier to judge than to be judged.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

very true!
but personal choice based on personal situations, its far easier to judge than to be judged.

..I'm not judging, only saying there is always a personal choice because the reasons are just that..they're reasons/excuses..they're not things which force you to act, only the person themselves make the choice to act on those reasons...

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by bobnot

Deary me.
If you are going out getting stuck into to someone you dont even know then thats even more pathetic i was more referring more to friendships/relationships you have with other people developing into something else.

If you are prone to putting a relationship on the line at the risk of hurting a partner and your own children just for a one night thing then thats probably a sign its time to have a rethink.

I have put my opinion forward on the type of person that does that and it is inexcusable i will leave it there.

its clear you have very strong views on this, its wrong to have an affair, but I am willing to accept that affairs start for many reasons, and the person having the affair is not always the monster in the relationship.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

its clear you have very strong views on this, its wrong to have an affair, but I am willing to accept that affairs start for many reasons, and the person having the affair is not always the monster in the relationship.

..no one said that anyone who has an affair was a monster Sheriff..only that they have a choice...

[Ammi]

..I should also say that the partner who suffers emotional pain because of a deception does not have the same choices...

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..no one said that anyone who has an affair was a monster Sheriff..only that they have a choice...

bob said they are cowards lowlifes and weak,

[billy123]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

its clear you have very strong views on this, its wrong to have an affair, but I am willing to accept that affairs start for many reasons, and the person having the affair is not always the monster in the relationship.

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

bob said they are cowards lowlifes and weak,

Thats once the choice is made and is just my personal opinion nobody elses.
Nor was it intended as an an attack on anyone in paticular btw.
Im not the most subtle with my words i know.
Now i am going work beckons.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

bob said they are cowards lowlifes and weak,

..the strange thing Sheriff is that I don't think we're that far apart in our opinions in that the reasons why people choose to have affairs are very complicated and not black and white at all...very few things in life are black and white and I do have sympathy/compassion for many of those reasons as well...my work involves being involved with many families and many situations and some things are just very sad and unfortunate and they have far reaching effects on the whole family...

..but the actual choice to have the affair really is black and white..you do or you don't....

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by bobnot

Thats once the choice is made and is just my personal opinion nobody elses.
Nor was it intended as an an attack on anyone in paticular btw.
Im not the most subtle with my words i know.
Now i am going work beckons.

..TiBB is such a distraction, 5 minutes is often half a day..enjoy your day at work Bob.....

[Vicky.]

I have cheated yes. Oddly enough I didnt even feel a bit guilty about it either..

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I'm sorry, I don't agree Cherie..there might be reason other than love etc when people stay in reltionships..whether they are right to so or not, that's not really relevant as that's their decision..but they don't have to have an affair..having an affair is a personal choice..their lives may be complicated but the choice to have an affair really is quite simple...being 'unhappy' and 'having an affair' do not go hand in hand and one has to mean the other...

I agree with that Ammi, some people are just greedy and want to please themselves, but in the main the majority of affairs are borne of boredom, unhappiness, discontent, a craving for excitement or in some cases naivety.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..the strange thing Sheriff is that I don't think we're that far apart in our opinions in that the reasons why people choose to have affairs are very complicated and not black and white at all...very few things in life are black and white and I do have sympathy/compassion for many of those reasons as well...my work involves being involved with many families and many situations and some things are just very sad and unfortunate and they have far reaching effects on the whole family...

..but the actual choice to have the affair really is black and white..you do or you don't....

yes we are on the same page
but I find women that have affairs have it to feel loved and wanted something they are not getting in their own relationship!
men have affairs for sex something they are not getting in their own relationships.
this is of course not going to be the same for everyone and some people don't know what they have got or have until its gone

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

yes we are on the same page
but I find women that have affairs have it to feel loved and wanted something they are not getting in their own relationship!
men have affairs for sex something they are not getting in their own relationships.
this is of course not going to be the same for everyone and some people don't know what they have got or have until its gone

..the problem is that the risk is so high that they'll lose it in that finding out what they have and hurt many people in the process...I know maybe I'm sounding pedantic but I don't mean to and do understand that people have complicated lives but I do also truly believe that if there is anything that you feel 'deprived' of in a relationship you've made a commitment to..sex, love etc..then talk to your partner and if it really can't be resolved, then end that relationship first....

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

I have cheated yes. Oddly enough I didnt even feel a bit guilty about it either..

from that I would say the following,
he cheated on you first
you had only been together a short while
you where not happy

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

from that I would say the following,
he cheated on you first
you had only been together a short while
you where not happy

Well

- As it turned out (I didnt know this at the time though so I cant use it as any kind of 'excuse') he WAS cheating on me with a few people..including men. Was a closet bi

- We had been together about 2 months. He was my first 'real' relationship.

- Not really. But I was staying with him as we had a house together and I knew if we split up I would have nowhere to live. Was saving up for a deposit so I could leave.

[Niall]

I think that if I was in a really awful relationship that I couldn't get out of then maybe I would, but other than that I would never cheat. And I've never cheated thus far either (ha! Like I've had the opportunity...).

[Shaun]

I wouldn't say never... oddly I'd feel more compelled to if there were kids or a marriage involved, I think, because it'd be less easy to just say to the partner you wanted to call it quits, and start seeing someone else.

[lostalex]

Only if it was 100% secret. I would never be the type of person who does it in an obvious way, or who ever tells my partner about it. I think it's very cruel to tell your partner that you have cheated.

I think a lot of people cheat, and they do it in a very obvious way where they obviously WANT to get caught, and I think those type of people are horrible.

If you are going to cheat then you should only do it in a way where it is 100% sure you will never get caught and you should never EVER tell the other person. No matter how guilty you feel about it, you should not tell the other person. If you feel guilty about it then that is YOUR burden to bear and it is your own fault so you deserve it. Telling your partner about it just to relieve your own guilt is evil, and it's hurting them in order to alleviate your own guilt.

Even if you end up breaking up with that partner for whatever reason, you should still never tell them about your cheating, because it's just cruel.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..no never, I think if you're committed to a relationship and you then have feelings for someone else that you want to pursue, then you should end that relationship first..it'll still be painful for the other person but they won't have the lying/deception part of as well and that does make it so much worse...

..I also don't believe in 'you can't help who you fall in love with/don't expect these things' either, you can help it, it's completely in your control...you can't help who you meet and if you find yourself attracted to them but you always have a choice whether to pursue that attraction further or whether to walk away from it and be with your current partner...

Absolutely this, and I ****ing hate when people use the you can't help who you fall in love with excuse, that's complete BS

[Samuel.]

Never. Having been cheated on, I'd never want to put somebody else through that. Sickens me to think about it. One of the worst things you could do to somebody.

But... there was one scenario I considered it. I was with a girl from Germany, and she was going back home in about 2 months time where I'd never see her again. She was in love with me, and I was at the point of wanting to break up with her. But I thought instead of crushing her by breaking up with her, I'd let myself have a single frame of mind in being open to other women, but keep her ignorant to it all and let her believe we're both madly in love, keeping us both feeling happy (a part from the horribly crippling guilt I'd have to live with).

Nothing happened in the end anyway so it's pointless story

[Black Dagger]

Never... the thought of wrecking people's lives doesn't appeal to me, he can split up with his partner and then have sex with me if he's that keen