[Glenn.]

Annie

[Shaun]

Youtube video

[The stage backdrop is covered in a large graphic of a recording device. Towards the back of the stage is a small square of ice in the floor, with fur rugs to the sides and a In the foreground, V(LADY)imir Putain is sat in a plush leather armchair, wearing a velvet robe and addressing the camera personally.]

Hello, hello Europe and TiBB, we are here to sing
The KGB service is now monitoring
Ga-ga-gathering intel about everything
We've got what it takes to win TiBB Eurovision
[Putain jumps up from the armchair and is joined by seven Russian women who grind provocatively behind 'her', as the music kicks in.]
Ur-Eurovision, Ur-Eurovision
We've got what it takes to win TiBB Eurovision

Got problems with our actions or motives? Then let's go
Took care of that bitch Alexander Litvinenko
Can't be dealing with operatives leaking info
We already took out five men two verses ago

We're ballin', we're ballin', got some nukes you cannot ignore
We lost our heads and our hearts in the cold war
We're ballin', we're ballin', could care less about your peace corps
We lost our heads and our hearts in the cold war

Vladimir Putain here (eh eh eh)
Vladimir Putain here (eh eh eh)
And Treotske (And Treotske)
And now we're trollin' Lee (eh eh eh)
[Putain starts throwing empty vodka bottles at a miffed Lee., who is sat on a bench trying to play Words With Friends]

[Defect all you want, but we'll follow you home
And we're totes gonna bug your telephone.
When you pause or you blink, put a pill in your drink,
And we're totes gonna bug your telephone] x2
[Treotske pops up from a spring-loaded hole in the stage and begins dutty-whining towards the dancers]

Girl, from here to the Kremlin is my throne (throne)
Please just don't tell Joseph
Stalin hates me, most def.
He's prolly put me to death.
Sorry for the history lesson
But TiBB needs educatin'
America keep hatin'
Why's Putain ice skatin'?
[Vladimir, bored of Treotske's breakdown, has disappeared backstage and is seen doing the Bolero with a grizzly bear. He pauses in a spotlight as the music dips, and skates in circles with a camera facing him for the whole of the bridge.]

Not that I don't like you, I'm just at the Bolshoi
U.S. has GaGa but the U.S.S.R. has Tolstoy
Sometimes I feel the Western world needs a dictator
I'm not taking no prisoners, so see you later
See you later,
Yes, see you later,
Tonight I'm turning Pussy Riot into haters

[We're ballin', we're ballin', throwin' human rights to the floor
We will arrest anybody we abhor
We're ballin', we're ballin', with our mates Ivan and Igor
This Soviet Union's gonna show you what for] x2

Vladimir Putain here (eh eh eh)
Vladimir Putain here (eh eh eh)
And Treotske (And Treotske)
So vote for us, Ammi (eh eh eh)

[Defect all you want, but we'll follow you home
And we're totes gonna bug your telephone.
When you pause or you blink, put a pill in your drink,
And we're totes gonna bug your telephone] x2

[Your telephone, y-y-your telephone
We'll poison your cup
and cover it up
And your death's not gonna be that well-known] x2

We're sorry. The member you admire has not been recognised. Please vote Shaun, and try again. xo

[GypsyGoth]

Brilliant

and great work Annie

[Iceman]

Please vote Shaun and try again haha

[Withano]

Oh, Shaun!

[Drew.]

that was brilliant

[Z]

The standard this year is absolutely phenomenal!!

[Livia]

Brilliant...

[Ammi]

..Inspired, just perfectly fabulous, Shaun......

[AnnieK]

Fantastic Shaun....

[LemonJam]

stunning

[Shaun]

i really wanted to record it but i couldn't speak that fast in a russian accent

[Withano]

Poetic and modest

[Matt]

This is an incredibly tough year to judge.

[Shaun]

Now, in every Eurovision song contest so far, we've had the pleasure of greeting the beautiful Ravenheart.
But last year, Finland turned their backs on their songstress and opted for a song about a woman in love with a cheetah.
Yes. Well, they've learned from their mistakes, and now... she is back!

[Conzors]

great entries everyone!
so funy x

[Shaun]

Ravenheart returns after taking last year off, she is back and as surgically altered as ever. Accompanying her is the infamous Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, with whom she has become smitten and dedicated this song to, however because he got his mouth shot off he can only mumble and groan, the bits in italics are by him.

Party Like It’s The Last Supper

*Ravenheart wearing a little black dress stands on a dark stage with only a spotlight on her, she takes the mic from it's stand, another spotlight flicks on and illuminates Dzhokhar, his mouth area is heavily bandaged, he has a microphone strapped to his head and he is in a pimped out wheelchair*


We’re modern day Romeo and Juliet
You’re hot enough to make me sweat
The world may wish you were aborted
But to me you’re cute enough to be deported

mumble mumble groan groan

Our union makes homeland security mad
Our bodies entwine while we’re scantily clad
You come inside like i’m a car you hijack
We’re made for each other, it’s a matter of fact

mumble mumble groan groan

I’m like a winter waiting for the thaw
You can wrap me up with your your sharia law
Cause you’re such a heart blower upper
We gonna party like it’s the last supper

Just like Zero Dark Thirty
It’s time to get down and dirty
As your love is like a pressure cooker
Slap me like a cheap cheshire hooker

Just like singers Rhiana and Chris Brown
We won’t care what people say all over town
Because you eat my soul like soil erosion
Our marathon of love causes an explosion

I’m like a winter waiting for the thaw
You can wrap me up with your your sharia law
Cause you’re such a heart blower upper
We gonna party like it’s the last supper

You put the love into
“I would love to blow up your world”
I put my heart into
Forever being your girl

mumble mumble groan groan
mumble mumble groan groan

I’m like a winter waiting for the thaw
You can wrap me up with your your sharia law
Cause you’re such a heart blower upper
We gonna party like it’s the last supper

mumble mumble groan groan

[Z]

omfg I'm crying HAHAHA amazing!

[Drew.]

'however because he got his mouth shot off he can only mumble and groan'

[Shaun]

this is another one i've only just read just... wtf claudia LOL

[Withano]

mumble mumble groan groan
What a tune haha

[AnnieK]

[Ammi]

..GG..you never fail to produce something totally brilliant.......

[Black Dagger]

Claudia you amazing

[Shaun]

Given the gravity of that previous song, we're taking this next segment seriously. The end is almost nigh, but for now, we must embrace one of tonight's most surprising ventures: Ammi doing hip hop. Here are Tupac ShaKarl and Dr. Audré with "Lithuania Love".