Christmas Cracker Jokes!

[GypsyGoth]

Why did the painting end up in prison?

because it was framed.

[Pyramid*]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre…



So the barman gives her one




Why did the atheist cross the road?



So he could see both sides.

[GypsyGoth]

:laugh2:

[Pyramid*]

How many ears has Captain Kirk got?



Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear



What do you call a fish with no eyes



Fsh

[Josy]

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker face.


Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can 'ho ho ho'!


What is Santa's favourite pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

[Pyramid*]

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?


It's Christmas, Eve!



Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?


Because he had a low "elf" esteem

[Benjamin]

What goes ha ha ha clonk?
A man laughing his head off.

What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sour puss!

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

[Ammi]

What do you call a man with paper trousers.....
Russel

What do you call a man with a pole through his leg....
Rodney

Why should men always make their wives a cup of tea......
because the Bible says Hebrews....

..thank you very much...I am available for Christmas parties...

[Kate!]

What do you call a man with paper trousers.....
Russel

What do you call a man with a pole through his leg....
Rodney

Why should men always make their wives a cup of tea......
because the Bible says Hebrews....

..thank you very much...I am available for Christmas parties...

Especially love the last one Ammi :) :hugesmile:

[Niamh.]

My top Cracker Joke of Christmas 2011 :

What award did the top door knocker designer win?

The No Bell Prize

[King Gizzard]

Why did the ferrett go to the vet?

He had aids