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Old 12-12-2011, 06:29 PM #1
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Talking Christmas Cracker Jokes!
Why did the painting end up in prison?

Spoiler:

because it was framed.
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Old 12-12-2011, 06:41 PM #2
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A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre…

Spoiler:



So the barman gives her one




Why did the atheist cross the road?

Spoiler:



So he could see both sides.

Last edited by Pyramid*; 12-12-2011 at 06:43 PM.
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Old 12-12-2011, 06:43 PM #3
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Old 12-12-2011, 06:46 PM #4
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How many ears has Captain Kirk got?

Spoiler:



Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear



What do you call a fish with no eyes

Spoiler:



Fsh
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Old 12-12-2011, 07:07 PM #5
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How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
Spoiler:


Poker face.


Why does Santa have three gardens?
Spoiler:


So he can 'ho ho ho'!


What is Santa's favourite pizza?
Spoiler:


Deep pan, crisp and even.
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Old 12-12-2011, 07:16 PM #6
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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

Spoiler:


It's Christmas, Eve!



Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Spoiler:



Because he had a low "elf" esteem
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Old 12-12-2011, 10:48 PM #7
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What goes ha ha ha clonk?
Spoiler:

A man laughing his head off.


What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
Spoiler:

A sour puss!


"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
Spoiler:

"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
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Anyway there's an explanation and I don't really appreciate your tone. It's very aggressive so I'm going to close this, sorry for killing the internet mate
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Old 21-12-2011, 11:10 AM #8
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What do you call a man with paper trousers.....
Spoiler:

Russel


What do you call a man with a pole through his leg....
Spoiler:

Rodney


Why should men always make their wives a cup of tea......
Spoiler:

because the Bible says Hebrews....


..thank you very much...I am available for Christmas parties...
Last edited by Ammi; 21-12-2011 at 11:11 AM.
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Old 21-12-2011, 11:14 AM #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammincepie View Post
What do you call a man with paper trousers.....
Spoiler:

Russel


What do you call a man with a pole through his leg....
Spoiler:

Rodney


Why should men always make their wives a cup of tea......
Spoiler:

because the Bible says Hebrews....


..thank you very much...I am available for Christmas parties...
Especially love the last one Ammi
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Old 26-12-2011, 03:33 PM #10
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My top Cracker Joke of Christmas 2011 :

What award did the top door knocker designer win?

Spoiler:

The No Bell Prize
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You compare Jim Davidson to Nelson Mandela?
Quote:
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I know, how stupid? He's more like Gandhi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isaiah 7:14 View Post



Katie Hopkins reveals epilepsy made her suicidal - and says she identifies as a MAN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Livia View Post
Just because she is a giant cock, doesn't make her a man.
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Old 28-12-2011, 04:32 PM #11
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Why did the ferrett go to the vet?

He had aids
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