Is this selfish?

[Ninastar]

So most of you guys here know that my parents are getting divorced and it's been a messy year for me blah blah blah...

Anyway, 2 weeks ago this sunday, I moved into a new house with my dad. My sisters stayed with my mum and I was the only one to stay with my dad. All was going well and I really liked staying in the house. It's less than a minutes drive from work, so it's super convenient.

So tonight, my sisters and dad go to the panto (I didn't go because it was at 6 and I was put on the late shift. I wasnt told anything about it until wednesday so there was nothing i could do.) I get to the old house and my mum tells me that this woman my dad has been speaking to is coming over to stay. I asked when and she said tomorrow.

I wasn't sure whether it was my mum just trying to cause **** or w.e but really, I knew it was true. I was immediately angry that my dad hadn't told me.

So like half an hour ago, my dad comes in and tells me. This woman is staying for a month and she's going to be spending christmas and new year with him.

i'm just so so angry. Do I have the right to be? I told my dad that I didn't want to meet her and that I'd be moving back to the old house for a month or so.

is that selfish of me?

Maybe i'd feel different if I was told like a week ago, but the fact that it's less than 24 hours away... i'm just devastated. i didn't want the year to end like this at all.

[Kate!]

Caitlin :hug:

Yes I do think you have the right to be angry. You're not objecting to the situation as much as having it spring upon you out of the blue it seems. I hope you manage to find some resolution.

[King Gizzard]

Yes you do, should have told you way before hand, ridiculous to just spring it on you like that

[Marcus.]

yes you do

[Munchkins]

You have every right to be annoyed, thats insane having it spring up on you D:

[Jesus.]

He is definitely in the wrong to have her staying for a month, without you meeting each other a few times before hand, and with so little notice.

I'd probably sit him down and explain how this has made you feel, and give him the reasons you feel that way. You'll probably have a constructive conversation, and he will apologise, and maybe you can try working a compromise out?

Stick to your guns on moving out and let him know that he left you no choice. As a compromise, maybe you could offer to come over and meet her for a drink for an hour.

He probably felt really nervous about talking to you about it, so he put it off, and put it off.

Shouting at each other won't really do any good, regardless of who is in the right and who is in the wrong. Talking is the only way forward and one of you has to make the first conciliatory move.

Good luck.

[Z]

So most of you guys here know that my parents are getting divorced and it's been a messy year for me blah blah blah...

Anyway, 2 weeks ago this sunday, I moved into a new house with my dad. My sisters stayed with my mum and I was the only one to stay with my dad. All was going well and I really liked staying in the house. It's less than a minutes drive from work, so it's super convenient.

So tonight, my sisters and dad go to the panto (I didn't go because it was at 6 and I was put on the late shift. I wasnt told anything about it until wednesday so there was nothing i could do.) I get to the old house and my mum tells me that this woman my dad has been speaking to is coming over to stay. I asked when and she said tomorrow.

I wasn't sure whether it was my mum just trying to cause **** or w.e but really, I knew it was true. I was immediately angry that my dad hadn't told me.

So like half an hour ago, my dad comes in and tells me. This woman is staying for a month and she's going to be spending christmas and new year with him.

i'm just so so angry. Do I have the right to be? I told my dad that I didn't want to meet her and that I'd be moving back to the old house for a month or so.

is that selfish of me?

Maybe i'd feel different if I was told like a week ago, but the fact that it's less than 24 hours away... i'm just devastated. i didn't want the year to end like this at all.

It's not selfish at all, I totally understand why you feel like that, and you've had so much **** thrown your way recently that this is just another kick in the teeth...

Only thing I would say to you is that you should maybe tell your dad that you don't want to meet her because it's such unexpected news, I'm sure he feels awful for driving you away, so just make sure he knows it's not because you don't want to be around him, I'm sure it would have meant the world to him for you to have spent the festive period with him but he won't be alone and there's no reason why you should have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. :love:

[Ninastar]

Thanks for the support guys.

I just don't know what to do anymore. **** after **** happens and I feel like giving up on everything because every time I try, it gets worse.

Can't wait for this year to end. It's been ****ing horrendous

[Marcus.]

Thanks for the support guys.

I just don't know what to do anymore. **** after **** happens and I feel like giving up on everything because every time I try, it gets worse.

Can't wait for this year to end. It's been ****ing horrendous

it sound like that

but as i say the only way is forwards:hug:

[Lee.]

I don't think you're selfish at all.. if anything your dad is!

When your parents divorce, regardless of circumstances or how you feel about it, it takes a while to get used to one of them being with somebody else!
I think it's wrong to announce suddenly that a woman will be moving into your home for a month.. Your dad should be taking things slowly and ensuring you are comfortable with everything. Maybe a meeting or two but not having move into your space straight away.. Tbh, I would have thought the woman would have felt the need to make sure you were ok with things first too.

I think you should talk to your dad about it.. Hope everything turns out ok for you Caitlin :love:

[Livia]

I'd say talk to you Dad when you're not quite so angry. Once you've explained how you feel calmly, he'll probably see that he's handled this in the wrong way. Sorry you're going through a rotten time, I really hope it all works out for you x

[reece(:]

I've been in a similar situation before, you need to express how you feel and put your point of view across, if he was in your shoes etc.

[michael21]

So most of you guys here know that my parents are getting divorced and it's been a messy year for me blah blah blah...

Anyway, 2 weeks ago this sunday, I moved into a new house with my dad. My sisters stayed with my mum and I was the only one to stay with my dad. All was going well and I really liked staying in the house. It's less than a minutes drive from work, so it's super convenient.

So tonight, my sisters and dad go to the panto (I didn't go because it was at 6 and I was put on the late shift. I wasnt told anything about it until wednesday so there was nothing i could do.) I get to the old house and my mum tells me that this woman my dad has been speaking to is coming over to stay. I asked when and she said tomorrow.

I wasn't sure whether it was my mum just trying to cause **** or w.e but really, I knew it was true. I was immediately angry that my dad hadn't told me.

So like half an hour ago, my dad comes in and tells me. This woman is staying for a month and she's going to be spending christmas and new year with him.

i'm just so so angry. Do I have the right to be? I told my dad that I didn't want to meet her and that I'd be moving back to the old house for a month or so.

is that selfish of me?

Maybe i'd feel different if I was told like a week ago, but the fact that it's less than 24 hours away... i'm just devastated. i didn't want the year to end like this at all.

who is the lady to your dad is she family or his girlfriend

your dad and the lady might of just made this plan

my advice is see what she like you might like her and if she make you dad happy then you should be please

[Ninastar]

she's my dads bests friends ex wife.... she had had his kids and his best friend isn't speaking to him now about it.

I honestly think he isn't thinking straight.

[Mystic Mock]

He is definitely in the wrong to have her staying for a month, without you meeting each other a few times before hand, and with so little notice.

I'd probably sit him down and explain how this has made you feel, and give him the reasons you feel that way. You'll probably have a constructive conversation, and he will apologise, and maybe you can try working a compromise out?

Stick to your guns on moving out and let him know that he left you no choice. As a compromise, maybe you could offer to come over and meet her for a drink for an hour.

He probably felt really nervous about talking to you about it, so he put it off, and put it off.

Shouting at each other won't really do any good, regardless of who is in the right and who is in the wrong. Talking is the only way forward and one of you has to make the first conciliatory move.

Good luck.

I agree with this.

[Benjamin]

In your father's defence you can't always help who you fall for, but he should have consulted you or at least had the courtesy to tell you rather than having it sprung onto you.

If you don't feel comfortable with the situation you have every right to go back to your mothers. :hug:

[Ninastar]

I'm just annoyed that he will be spending Xmas with her when I asked him many many times if he would spend it with all of us. He said 'I don't know' every time and now it's so obvious

I'm just hurt.

[Jesus.]

I think that should pretty much answer any further questions you may have.

Damn you spam remover!!

[Jesus.]

I'm just annoyed that he will be spending Xmas with her when I asked him many many times if he would spend it with all of us. He said 'I don't know' every time and now it's so obvious

I'm just hurt.

Men prefer quiet lives, and I can sympathise with him here. It's really hard to give to women difficult news, when you know you're going to cause a fight. We put it off and off, and then continually shoot ourselves unintentionally in the foot.

I'm not excusing him, but I understand why he's left it so late. Lot's of us do it.

[Ninastar]

I guess you have a point.

I just really expected more from him because he's my father and I was the only one living with him for 2 weeks. I'm beginning to think he didn't want me there anyway.

I'm just so ****ing fed up of being positive and for it to then come back and hit me in the face. The amount of times it's happened this year is ridiculous and I give up. I honestly do.