Guy advice needed... [UPDATES 21/2/14]

[Conzors]

Hey!

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and i'm not sure what to do.

I love his personality, its a bit too much at times and ott and can be a bit annoying but overall its fine.

He is just an average guy appearance wise, which also, i dont mind.

But over this month i just dont know how i feel about him and im scared ive been leading him on we have slept in a bed together and done stuff (not the whole thing) and its not really great haha but that doesnt bother me too much.

He's spent alot of money coming to see me (i have offered to go there but hes always insistant on coming here so i let him) he also gave me £40 when i lost my wallet and took me to see wicked etc.

He payed for a hotel room and that for me and the trains were ****ed so i couldnt go anyways but i just feel this is all a bit toooo much for someone whos been seeing eaach other since middle of january? and i told him we need to calm down and he needs to consult me before he books anything (as much as i loved the idea of a hotel and wicked etc he just needs to ask me first)

Ive just said to him that i do like him but we just need to chill a bit - but i dont really think i want to be with him anymore and i guess ive just thought that as time went on id like him more but i havent.

he is a really nice guy and i think i will miss him not being a part of my life but im scared that hes gonna be really upset if i tell him.

i have been distant from him lately and hes kept talking and i just dont know what to do

i do like him but i dont know aarrrhghghghghghg.

someone please help haha.

cheers.
xxxxx

--------------------
UPDATE 22/2/14

I know im making this sound really all about me and stuff but i went all the way to his to have 'the talk' and end it there and then and we did have a little argument about our expectations and our feelings of each other! But he was just pissing me off from the moment i saw him. Talking allll the time about stuff i've heard already and we talk everyday so when we see each other theres nothing to talk about (ive mentioned this to him)

AND THEN
just before i was about to say, i just dont think this is working out, HE PULLS OUT THIS VALENTINES CARD THAT SAYS.... 'WE MAKE A LOVELY PEAR, WITH TWO PEARS ON IT HOLDING HANDS' and then inside had a little message with TWO TICKETS TO THE HARRY POTTER STUDIO WORLD TOUR THING.

I love harry potter, and have already been to it but was saying to mum how i would LOVE to go again and he just bought them for me!

How on earth could i reject them and dump them, as they are non-returnable and he musta spent alot of money on them!

I would of felt so bad dumping him, so i didnt.

I still feel the same as i did before and NOW IM IN A BIG PICKLE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO EVEN MORE.

I had my mind sent this morning that i was gonna end it and then look what happened!

:(

I am a tad drunk right now, as we had a few pints at the pub before i left but OMG HELP.

:(

x

[Vicky.]

Dont say with him just incase he gets upset over splitting. It will make you feel worse in the long run and you will end up resenting him.

Also dont feel guilty over the money thing, I know you havent said that but the fact that you added that into your post kinda says thats on your mind too. He chose to spoil you, thats not your problem :p

[Conzors]

Dont say with him just incase he gets upset over splitting. It will make you feel worse in the long run and you will end up resenting him.

Also dont feel guilty over the money thing, I know you havent said that but the fact that you added that into your post kinda says thats on your mind too. He chose to spoil you, thats not your problem :p

it is on my mind because all that money hes spent and ive just let him do it.
im such a mug.

[Ammi]

..I think if he likes you a lot more than you like him and you don't think that your feelings will get stronger, then you should probably tell him, Connor...just be honest with him...

[Vicky.]

it is on my mind because all that money hes spent and ive just let him do it.
im such a mug.

I wouldnt say you were a mug at all. Its only money, and he chose to spend it on you.

[mizzy25]

Tell him you think you would be better as friends. x

[Vicky.]

Think of it this way..if you stay with him just to save him being upset, you will end up splitting much later down the line..and he will have spent more..invested more time, and be even more into you by then so it will be even harder. And if you DONT split later down the line but you still arent into him, then you are just going to be miserable and missing out on meeting the right person :shrug:

[Vanessa]

Just be honest with him. It's always the best thing to do to avoid misunderstandings. :blush:

[Kate!]

I agree with Vicky.

Plus, for me there are two possible scenarios ( Not saying either is right as unless I actually knew him I can't assess him fairly ) one is that he is just too nice. Boring. I've had 'beige' boyfriends and you feel bad cos they've done absolutely nothing wrong, there's just no spark. The other is that he's (for what reason and not necessarily deliberately I have to say) kind of buying you/guilt tripping you?

If it doesn't feel right, then you should make the break. Good luck Conor.

[Conzors]

ive also been lying to him to avoid him and now i feel bad about lying argh!

[Vanessa]

ive also been lying to him to avoid him and now i feel bad about lying argh!

Just talk to him and be honest.

[thesheriff443]

the biggest feeling you have towards him is guilt!, that's not a good foundation for any relationship, you know what you need to do!

[Conzors]

I agree with Vicky.

Plus, for me there are two possible scenarios ( Not saying either is right as unless I actually knew him I can't assess him fairly ) one is that he is just too nice. Boring. I've had 'beige' boyfriends and you feel bad cos they've done absolutely nothing wrong, there's just no spark. The other is that he's (for what reason and not necessarily deliberately I have to say) kind of buying you/guilt tripping you?

If it doesn't feel right, then you should make the break. Good luck Conor.

yes hes nice!
thats all there is to him!

[Conzors]

the biggest feeling you have towards him is guilt!, that's not a good foundation for any relationship, you know what you need to do!

i know i know i just dont know how.

[Ammi]

ive also been lying to him to avoid him and now i feel bad about lying argh!

..I think you'll feel a lot better if you talk to him and tell him how you feel, Connor...it may be hard but it will feel a relief after you've done it...

[Vanessa]

You can always stay friends. :blush:

[Kate!]

Just say, you're a good friend, I think a lot of you, but there's no spark between us. That way you're not saying anything negative about him, just that the spark is missing, no chemistry. He can't really take offence at that.

:hug:

[thesheriff443]

i know i know i just dont know how.

there is no easy way, well there is!, send him an email or text with your true feelings, but don't let your self be backed into a corner.

[Benjamin]

I'd say suck his willy again

[Vanessa]

I'd say suck his willy again

No. :nono::joker:

[thesheriff443]

I'd say suck his willy again

that's clearly coming from a man that has only been seeing his own willy:joker:

[Conzors]

I'd say suck his willy again

hahahaha

[Samm]

How big is it x :hehe:

[Kate!]

Ben. :nono:

[Vanessa]

Send him my way. I'll take care of him! :creep::joker:

[Conzors]

ahaha
this is funny, not helping me but meh haha x

[Ammi]

ahaha
this is funny, not helping me but meh haha x

..I think it'll be easier if you don't say too much because you might start to talk yourself our of it but just tell him that you think he's really nice but that you don't have the same feelings for him...

[Conzors]

ill try.
aaah
x

thanks people

[Vanessa]

ill try.
aaah
x

thanks people

You're welcome. :kiss:

[michael21]

i have a good idea make a videe on your phone of what you want to say then play it back if it sounds right then send it to him

#makethevidee

[Apple202]

#makethevidee


but seriously i agree with everyone else lol, you've given it a month and the feelings clearly haven't grown so you just need to tell him

[lostalex]

it sounds like you're just not that into him.

stop wasting your time and his.

as men we need to be excited by our partners, and it sounds like you aren't really excited by this guy, sounds like he's a damp squib. so what are you doing?

There's no reason for this. what is the reason? there's no reason. let it go, let him go. he'll be happier, you'll be happier, everybody wins.

let him be free to find a guy that actually finds him attractive, and you'll be free to find someone you are genuinely attracted to, everybody wins.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Hey!

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and i'm not sure what to do.

I love his personality, its a bit too much at times and ott and can be a bit annoying but overall its fine.

He is just an average guy appearance wise, which also, i dont mind.

But over this month i just dont know how i feel about him and im scared ive been leading him on we have slept in a bed together and done stuff (not the whole thing) and its not really great haha but that doesnt bother me too much.

He's spent alot of money coming to see me (i have offered to go there but hes always insistant on coming here so i let him) he also gave me £40 when i lost my wallet and took me to see wicked etc.

He payed for a hotel room and that for me and the trains were ****ed so i couldnt go anyways but i just feel this is all a bit toooo much for someone whos been seeing eaach other since middle of january? and i told him we need to calm down and he needs to consult me before he books anything (as much as i loved the idea of a hotel and wicked etc he just needs to ask me first)

Ive just said to him that i do like him but we just need to chill a bit - but i dont really think i want to be with him anymore and i guess ive just thought that as time went on id like him more but i havent.

he is a really nice guy and i think i will miss him not being a part of my life but im scared that hes gonna be really upset if i tell him.

i have been distant from him lately and hes kept talking and i just dont know what to do

i do like him but i dont know aarrrhghghghghghg.

someone please help haha.

cheers.
xxxxx

Its funny becuase you think as a girl would.

A straight guy would think this after dating fior a month (see below)


http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SPuc4vx0zWo/T_Cs8uu7MzI/AAAAAAAAC2k/XeP1qKJZVJk/s640/absolutely_nothing_road_sign_lg.jpg

[Conzors]

UPDATE 22/2/14

I know im making this sound really all about me and stuff but i went all the way to his to have 'the talk' and end it there and then and we did have a little argument about our expectations and our feelings of each other! But he was just pissing me off from the moment i saw him. Talking allll the time about stuff i've heard already and we talk everyday so when we see each other theres nothing to talk about (ive mentioned this to him)

AND THEN
just before i was about to say, i just dont think this is working out, HE PULLS OUT THIS VALENTINES CARD THAT SAYS.... 'WE MAKE A LOVELY PEAR, WITH TWO PEARS ON IT HOLDING HANDS' and then inside had a little message with TWO TICKETS TO THE HARRY POTTER STUDIO WORLD TOUR THING.

I love harry potter, and have already been to it but was saying to mum how i would LOVE to go again and he just bought them for me!

How on earth could i reject them and dump them, as they are non-returnable and he musta spent alot of money on them!

I would of felt so bad dumping him, so i didnt.

I still feel the same as i did before and NOW IM IN A BIG PICKLE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO EVEN MORE.

I had my mind sent this morning that i was gonna end it and then look what happened!

:(

I am a tad drunk right now, as we had a few pints at the pub before i left but OMG HELP.

:(

x

[Vicky.]

:laugh:

Enjoy harry potter studio world I guess.

[Conzors]

but i wont enjoy it with him :(
well i will but hell annoy me!

ARHGHGHG

[Apple202]

have fun

[Z]

Vicky and I will start looking for wedding outfits now

[james130]

Yeah stick with for Harry Potter.
The second time I went was even better I think.

Lose him in the great hall or something...

But yeah sounds like a bit of an awkward situation and I never like to upset people so i'd feel the same.
But to all of us (I think) it seems that he's really not right for you and shouldn't be able to buy you with some tickets.
Sounds harsh, but maybe don't bother ending it face-to-face because you'll just end up in another situation again.
Maybe not quite a text but something like that maybe...

[anne666]

He sounds rather desperate to me. Buying/ guilt tripping you is very needy behaviour and not love. We have the results of that in your feelings right now. It's not your responsibility how he feels or reacts if you end this. He'll only keep on doing more of the same and you hardly sound enthusiastic about him. It will probably be much easier than you imagine. He's got you where he wants you right now.

[Cherie]

Honest opinion, it feels like you are using him! When he pulled out the Card and Tix, that was the perfect moment to go, okay this is what i am talking about, buying tickets for stuff we haven't even discussed going to together, much as I love HP and even though you are very kind and thoughtful to buy them, you will have to find someone else to go with as I am not comfortable with all this and it is too much too soon, You only met him in Jan I doubt he will be chucking himself off the nearest bridge if you tell him its over.

[Headie]

Send him a link to this thread :idc:

[Jesus.]

Send him a link to this thread :idc:

Agreed.

https://31.media.tumblr.com/826704228651b5430ec9bc8b030516e8/tumblr_n0mrg3V6c91rtta3uo1_250.gif

[Conzors]

Honest opinion, it feels like you are using him! When he pulled out the Card and Tix, that was the perfect moment to go, okay this is what i am talking about, buying tickets for stuff we haven't even discussed going to together, much as I love HP and even though you are very kind and thoughtful to buy them, you will have to find someone else to go with as I am not comfortable with all this and it is too much too soon, You only met him in Jan I doubt he will be chucking himself off the nearest bridge if you tell him its over.

I don't think i am using him because i have tried to have the conversation.
Using him would be to not have the conversation about anything.

I didnt not dump him then because of the tickets, i didnt because he bought them and i would of felt bad doing it when he bought me tickets!

[Iceman]

Well as much as you feel your not using him you are...and your not coming across well in any of this tbh....just finish it.

[Z]

You really should just end this now Conor, the longer it goes on the more difficult it'll be and he'll just continue to give you reasons to put it off until either you actually do like him or you feel so terrible that you'll end up moving country or something :laugh:

[Conzors]

I know.
It's just a difficult situation that I've never been in before nor can handle that well.

[Z]

But by not handling it at all, you are just going to dig yourself into a deeper hole until you have to deal with it. Just deal with it now. Meet up with him in person and be honest with him. Don't wimp out of doing it and don't do it by text or online message either, he seems like a nice person from what you've said and I think you owe him an explanation, both for his sake and yours.

[Conzors]

He lives so far i cant just meet up with him.
I'll go up there tomorrow.
It's only fair.

[Vicky.]

If you really cant do it face to face though, its best to do it over the phone than carry on as you are...

Just to complicate things a bit more :laugh:

[Iceman]

Over the phone by text

On whatsapp

Using smilies.

:devil:

[Z]

LOL Eoin! No don't do what Eoin said!!!

[Ammi]

I don't think i am using him because i have tried to have the conversation.
Using him would be to not have the conversation about anything.

I didnt not dump him then because of the tickets, i didnt because he bought them and i would of felt bad doing it when he bought me tickets!

..I know that you're just trying to be kind and sensitive to his feelings, Connor, but the thing is by accepting all of his gifts, without meaning to, it can kind of make it much worse for him...he could either read things into your acceptance of them and find it harder to accept that you don't feel the same or it can bring bitterness and resentment into it because of the money he's spent..I know that none of that is your fault and there is nothing you can do about it but what you can do is be honest with him and refuse his gifts/treats etc because that is one thing that is within your control and I do think it's the kinder thing to do in the end....

[lostalex]

Have you tried just being a nasty prick so that he'll break up with you? That way he'll think it was his decision and he'll be less hurt. It's always worked for me.

[Cherie]

Conor I would be inclined to say you have had a think and you would like to keep things between you at a more friendly level, insist on paying for the HP ticket if you still want to go, and if you don't tell him to take someone else.

[lostalex]

Conor I would be inclined to say you have had a think and you would like to keep things between you at a more friendly level, insist on paying for the HP ticket if you still want to go, and if you don't tell him to take someone else.

That's actually a great idea. Pay him for the ticket, and then make it clear you guys are going just as friends. And also bring a friend with you and tell him he should bring a friend too. that way he will be clear that you are just friends, and you'll have your own friend there as a buffer zone.

[anne666]

Conor I would be inclined to say you have had a think and you would like to keep things between you at a more friendly level, insist on paying for the HP ticket if you still want to go, and if you don't tell him to take someone else.

Great idea. Takes the "buying" of the relationship out of it too, but I do think you need to end it and soon.

[mizzy25]

After the Harry Potter thing, you could lie and say u r moving abroad or something. This thread is reminding me of an episode of friends where Chandler is trying to break up with Janice and says hes going to some bizarre foreigh country with work I cant remember where anyhow he ends up actually getting on the aeroplane as Janice wont leave him in the airport lol

[AnnieK]

After the Harry Potter thing, you could lie and say u r moving abroad or something. This thread is reminding me of an episode of friends where Chandler is trying to break up with Janice and says hes going to some bizarre foreigh country with work I cant remember where anyhow he ends up actually getting on the aeroplane as Janice wont leave him in the airport lol

Yemen....:laugh:

[Cherie]

After the Harry Potter thing, you could lie and say u r moving abroad or something. This thread is reminding me of an episode of friends where Chandler is trying to break up with Janice and says hes going to some bizarre foreigh country with work I cant remember where anyhow he ends up actually getting on the aeroplane as Janice wont leave him in the airport lol

:joker: Mizzy

[mizzy25]

Yemen....:laugh:

yes that's it thanks lol anyway conor tell him your going to yemen to work lol

[Glenn.]

Enjoy Harry Potter :amazed:

[Ammi]

..Mizzy, you little heartbreaker..all of those poor guys who have dashed to the airport to declare their undying love and you weren't even there..:laugh:....

[anne666]

Are we allowed an update? :xyxwave: