Jokes '07

[lily.]

Little Jimmy was in class and the teacher asked everyone to write a sentence using the word "Contagious".

Then she picked 3 of them at random to read theirs out.

The first kid read: "My dad had a cold and it was contagious"

The second kid said: "Cover your mouth when you sneeze in case you are contagious"

Then Little Jimmy stood up and said: "The man from the council came round to fix our roof and after 3 hours my dad said.. "FFS, it's taking that ******-ages up there"

[Dan_]

Can I have a quick word?Velocity.

[lily.]

A white horse walks into a bar, and the barman says. "we have a whisky named after you".. and the horse says,, "what? Dave?"

[lily.]

Originally posted by BB fernzy
Can I have a quick word?Velocity.

very good..

A man walks into a bar, and says.. OUCH!

[lily.]

...

[MarkWaldorf]

Linda's on a roll. :tongue:

[lily.]

...

[MarkWaldorf]

Originally posted by Stropz
...

PMSL!!!! :joker:

[lily.]

...

[Dan_]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/.whatafunnybaby.gif

[lily.]

Originally posted by BB fernzy
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Good one!.. :thumbs:

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/000000002.JPG

[Dan_]

http://www.myfilestash.com/userfiles/zoolander/fat_kid_dancing.gif

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/0004xhys.jpg

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/001z4d75i.jpg

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/0149d374%5B1%5D.jpg

[Lauren]

Originally posted by Stropz
http://www.photocasket.com/funny/0004xhys.jpg

PMSL!! Haha! Thats brilliant.

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/0f94bfc0.jpg

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/1111Anderson.jpg

[MarkWaldorf]

Originally posted by Stropz
http://www.photocasket.com/funny/1111Anderson.jpg

LMFAO!!!!

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/11301784744937ix.gif

[lily.]

I'm PMSL at these while im postin them..

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/26262906%5B1%5D.jpg

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/2d86fef9.jpg

[Dan_]

What cheese is not your cheese?

Nacho cheese.

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/2qi34hg.jpg

[lily.]

http://www.photocasket.com/funny/3535353.jpg

[Corkie]

Don't know if you have ever seen these but I found them funny

Animation vs. Animator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVZXbGNFuBM)


Animation Vs Animator 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b01Vj0E-QdM)

[~Kizwiz~]

Originally posted by Stropz
I'm PMSL at these while Im postin them..

They are all bloomin hilarious

[lily.]

Those are brilliant corkie..cheerz! :thumbs:

[lily.]

Originally posted by kizwiz
Originally posted by Stropz
I'm PMSL at these while Im postin them..

They are all bloomin hilarious

The ones I couldn't post are even better! :tongue:

[lily.]

Corkie, it reminded me of THIS (http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm)

[Siouxsie]

:joker::joker:i like the baby one

[~Kizwiz~]

Originally posted by Siouxsie
:joker::joker:i like the baby one

That one cracked me up too!!!!

[lily.]

K, im off for a bit.. BBL.. x

[~Kizwiz~]

Originally posted by Stropz
The ones I couldn't post are even better! :tongue:

Oh you gotta send them to me!!!!

[Siouxsie]

Q. Why did the music teacher get locked out of his classroom?
A. He left his keys in the piano!

Q. What did Mars say to the sun?
A. You're hot!

[Dan_]

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rich/skeletor_byJimWirt.gif

[~Kizwiz~]

Oh dan... thats fab....... :joker:

[Siouxsie]

omg micheal jackson :yuk: funny though

[bonnie43uk]

saw this on youtube the other day and made me chuckle ..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofZww-HCJSo

.. its had about 2 million hits already.

[Siouxsie]

:laugh::laugh::laugh:yep funny

[Arneldo]

These are brillant, keep em coming!

This is one of the funniest things ive seen in ages:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYnn51C3X_w

[MarkWaldorf]

I think the funniest one on this forum is the one in C&G with the big seal. :laugh:

[Arneldo]

This is histerical!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpwMQ1sj9cU

[Siouxsie]

:banana::banana::banana::laugh2:omg where d ya find these i can never seem to find good ones

[bonnie43uk]

i did a separate post for this the other week, and i make no bones about posting it again ... it just cracks me up EVERYTIME i watch it..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

[Dan_]

Angry German kid.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5757589301575990931

[andybigbro]

i liked the Animation ones

[The_Hitman]

What do you call a man with no arms and legs, swimming in the sea?

Bob

[andybigbro]

WOW thats to long for me to read maybe some otherday when i am bot too tired lol

[sol]

LMAO at the shoes and the muffins one.

Lauren post that one about the animal testing one. :laugh:

[The_Hitman]

The other day I was walking down my street and across the road I saw a man with an orange for head. He had a normal sized body but an orange for a head. I crossed the road and walked up to him, and I saw that he had a little face in the middle of his orange for a head, and I said to him “ excuse me, but do you mind me asking why and how you’ve got an orange for a head?”.
His little orange mouth said “ Hey! You wont believe me when I tell you! This is amazing this, you’ve never heard anything like it!”
“Go on then, lets hear it.” I replied, even more interested than before.
“Well” he starts “I was going through some stuff the other day, up in my attic, and I found this old dusty bottle that Id never seen before, the writing on it looked like it was from the Middle East or something, but I couldn’t be sure, it must have been one of my Grandfather’s old discoveries from when he used to travel the continents looking for antique treasures.”
“Oh right” I said, “was he an archaeologist?”
“No” he replied. “Anyway, I took this dusty old bottle down stairs and made a cup of tea, and after I had sat down and had a sip , I pulled the cork from the bottle.”
“Great” I said, “what was in it?”
“You won’t believe this”, he replied
“What was it? Alcohol?”
“Nope” he grunted
“What then?” I said, beginning to get impatient
“It was a Genie”, he declared proudly. I stood and stared at his silly little orange face trying to look serious.
“Get the **** out!” I spat
“No I will not!”, he retorted. “Listen, that’s not the half of it” he continued “this big puff of green smoke comes shooting out of the bottle, and forms into this Genie, and Im sat in my kitchen trying to drink this cuppa, and this Genie’s coming to life infront of me, filling my kitchen up with this green smoke, singing some daft song about being the Genie from the bottle and you have 3 wishes and all this nonsense.”
“Get out!” I cry in amazement, “you’re having a laugh here! Youre being serious!? So how did you get this orange for a head.”
“Well listen” he says, “ Im there with half a cup of tea in my hand, and this Genie is telling me that Im his new master and Ive got 3 wishes. Now I don’t know about you, but when youre given the choice to wish for any 3 things you want, what do you ask for?? You can have anything you’ve always wanted! What if you use all 3 wishes, and then remember something different that you always wanted.”
“Yeah” I said, “So???”….
“Well my first wish”, he carried on, “was for a billion pounds. You know what I’m saying? All the money you could ever need, all the money you could ever spend in your life. A billion. Puff! It appeared in a cloud of smoke in my basement, in unmarked 50’s. I should have asked for 2 billion right?” he wise-cracked.
“Yeah you should” I replied “So, come on how’ve you got this ******in orange for a head??” I was getting annoyed now.
“ Well listen” he starts again, “ Im staring in amazement at all this cash in the basement, and Im thinking to myself, I can basically buy most of the things that I want now, so this seriously frees up my other 2 wishes, you get what Im saying?”. I just nod, so that he can hurry up and finish the story. “So Im thinking” he continues, “all I need now, is a sexy gorgeous girlfriend, so do you know what I did?....For my second wish, I wished that every female in the world considered me the sexiest most handsome man on the planet. That was it! Puff! The Genie said it was done, so I went down to the shopping centre, and would you believe it, all the chicks were eyeing me up. Seriously, they were all walking past with their shopping bags, fluttering their eyelashes and swinging their hips, some were even blowing me kisses. It was like nothing Id ever experienced.”
“Fantastic” I replied bluntly “Now tell me, how…”
“And Ill tell you what!” he interrupted, “ ever since that day, Ive had girls flocking round me non-stop. It doesn’t wear off. Im a bona-fide lothario now.”
“Are you really?” I replied un-enthused
“Yep”, he said with a smug smile on his stupid little orange face.
“So then, how did you get the orange for a head?” I asked
“Well for my 3rd wish I asked to have an orange for a head.” He replied.

[Princess]

These are brillant!

[stacey]

these are sooo funny loving them all so far :laugh2: