You're in a relationship. Who do you expect to pay?

[Holly Christmas]

I pay for myself as much as possible .

How about you?

[Captain.Remy]

Half and half for the most part.
And If I feel like paying him something because I want to, I will gladly do so (from our joint account :laugh: jk) and happily accept when my husband invites me to lunch for instance. It's a balance.

[Parmy]

I would pay bout 80 percent of total cost of the relationship.

But I wouldn't be doing the ironing.

[Ammi]

Half and half for the most part.
And If I feel like paying him something because I want to, I will gladly do so (from our joint account :laugh: jk) and happily accept when my husband invites me to lunch for instance. It's a balance.

….the same really as with Remy and his husband….for the most part we would both pay and it really would come out of the joint account… :laugh:..but for any special occasion gifts etc and things that I might want to specifically do/give then it would be my own money …and that would be the same for him….

[Christmas Dynasnow]

If i can make her pay more then ideal

one has to save the pennies as they wont look after themselves

https://www.nls.uk/media-u4/1102586/comic-postcard-young-jock.jpg

[Captain.Remy]

….the same really as with Remy and his husband….for the most part we would both pay and it really would come out of the joint account… :laugh:..but for any special occasion gifts etc and things that I might want to specifically do/give then it would be my own money …and that would be the same for him….

I guess yours doesn't check your joint account just like mine doesn't check ours :hee:
"This is a Happy Birthday gift from our joint account where we each put 50% of our salary each month!" :joker:

[Ammi]

I guess yours doesn't check your joint account just like mine doesn't check ours :hee:
"This is a Happy Birthday gift from our joint account where we each put 50% of our salary each month!" :joker:

…it’s not how the money for the gift comes about, it’s about the thoughtfulness of the gift…and that thoughtfulness isn’t from the joint account, Remy…it’s all your own personal account and given to him with love…:love:…

[ChristmasNeeve]

I mean we're married so it's all our money, at the beginning we used to do every second time mostly if we ate out

Sent from my SM-G780G using Tapatalk

[ThomasC]

Take it in terms.

Depending on how long you have been going out and if you are living together then i would expect my partners money to also be my money, visa versa.

I would just find it odd not doing so

[Smithy]

Take turns or split it

[Tireur]

Maybe because I’m as old as Methuselah I’ve never known any different, if my dad took me and my mum to a restaurant, he paid.
As soon as I started earning, if I invited a girl to the movies, or for coffee and a burger I paid, after all I invited her out, it only seemed right.
As I got older and hopefully a tad sophisticated, I began to take girls out to dinner, once again I saw that as down to me.
My first wife worked, but I paid the tab all the time, that’s the way it was.
I began an affair, got divorced, and lived with the girl I left my wife for, she was an accountant, made no difference to me, I asked for the bill and I paid it.
That ran its course and I was single for 5 or 6 years, then got together with my second and definitely final wife.
She had a 50% interest in a betting shop, but I never dreamed of asking her to go down the middle with a dinner bill, old fashioned I guess.
Don’t give me that BS about feeling emasculated if the woman paid or went Dutch, I played it the way that I thought was right.

[Josy]

We've always put our money together since day 1

[Denver]

If you expect your other half to pay everything for you then im afraid you are not in a relationship for love

[Ashsleigh]

It doesn't really matter to me. When my husband and I first started dating we just took in turns paying for things- but we never split it.

I've been with men in the past who were very particular about paying exactly half for everything, or paying back an extremely specific amount of money - I went shopping with an ex-partner once and he sat me down for twenty minutes calculating what I owed him based on what I ate more of than him. I told him I'd rather just pay for the whole bloody thing than live with constantly trying to even everything out.

[Alf]

The man should pay for everything in a different sex relationship.

That's why I'm single.


I can’t speak for homosexual relationships, toss a coin maybe?

[Captain.Remy]

…it’s not how the money for the gift comes about, it’s about the thoughtfulness of the gift…and that thoughtfulness isn’t from the joint account, Remy…it’s all your own personal account and given to him with love…:love:…

Yes I was obviously joking. I don't think I would ever offer him a gift from our joint account :skull: The audacity.

[ChristmasNeeve]

The man should pay for everything in a different sex relationship.

That's why I'm single.


I can’t speak for homosexual relationships, toss a coin maybe?No he shouldn't

Sent from my SM-G780G using Tapatalk

[Cherry Christmas]

we have a joint account but never use it, I don't really know why we don't, we just move money backwards and forward when needed between our accounts, it works and we never argue about money

[smudgie]

We both have our own current and savings accounts, then we have a few joint accounts.
Both use the same credit card so it makes no difference who pays what.
But for gifts it’s lovely to use your own money, makes it more personal.

[Good King Glennceslas]

Split it or take turns.

I find it strange that anyone would just expect the other one to pay

[user104658]

We don't technically have a joint account but we do have an account we use as one. I have two bank accounts, we use my main bank account like a joint account, then I have another account and she has her own account. We get paid into our own accounts etc, individual bills (phones, individual subscriptions like PSN) come from that account. I think you have to have SOME individual money to avoid disputes on how to spend, I guess. Like I don't want to have to justify spending £60 on a game, my wife has a £70/month phone and I would never spend that on a phone etc... also, for things like birthday and christmas, easier to keep things a surprise (e.g. my wife spent £400 on a VR headset last Christmas - I would definitely have noticed that coming out of the "joint" account :joker: )

But then we each pay into the other account for "joint" bills (house, council tax, utilities, fuel, subs we all use like Netflix/Spotify et al) and we also just transfer money to that as and when we need it for things like everyday shopping. When we go out for meals, since it's rare, usually whoever suggested it transfers the funds, but we sort of just keep topping up that account based on whoever happens to have cash that isn't earmarked for any specific use :shrug:.

TBH though we could probably be more organised and we're not the most sensible with our disposable income. We had a kid straight out of Uni and our only income was me as a little bookies cashier on minimum wage so "disposable income" was like £10 here, £15 there... £50 would have required some serious thought before spending... basically all of our money was taken up by bills and supermarket... but as our income increases exponentially we still seem to be in that mindset. Pay the bills, do the food shopping, spend what's left... except now that's thousands in disposable income every month and I have no ****ing idea where we spend it. I get to the end of the month and think "we can't have spent all that" then look back over the bank statements like "Oh yeah... oh yeah I forgot about that... oh and there was that day we went to Dobbies...". We should really have a savings account but instead we "treat ourselves" like we used to, except it's every damn day not once a month :laugh:.

[user104658]

Oh my god I just looked at our annual Amazon spend. SHOCKING :umm2: wtf

[ChristmasNeeve]

We don't technically have a joint account but we do have an account we use as one. I have two bank accounts, we use my main bank account like a joint account, then I have another account and she has her own account. We get paid into our own accounts etc, individual bills (phones, individual subscriptions like PSN) come from that account. I think you have to have SOME individual money to avoid disputes on how to spend, I guess. Like I don't want to have to justify spending £60 on a game, my wife has a £70/month phone and I would never spend that on a phone etc... also, for things like birthday and christmas, easier to keep things a surprise (e.g. my wife spent £400 on a VR headset last Christmas - I would definitely have noticed that coming out of the "joint" account :joker: )

But then we each pay into the other account for "joint" bills (house, council tax, utilities, fuel, subs we all use like Netflix/Spotify et al) and we also just transfer money to that as and when we need it for things like everyday shopping. When we go out for meals, since it's rare, usually whoever suggested it transfers the funds, but we sort of just keep topping up that account based on whoever happens to have cash that isn't earmarked for any specific use :shrug:.

TBH though we could probably be more organised and we're not the most sensible with our disposable income. We had a kid straight out of Uni and our only income was me as a little bookies cashier on minimum wage so "disposable income" was like £10 here, £15 there... £50 would have required some serious thought before spending... basically all of our money was taken up by bills and supermarket... but as our income increases exponentially we still seem to be in that mindset. Pay the bills, do the food shopping, spend what's left... except now that's thousands in disposable income every month and I have no ****ing idea where we spend it. I get to the end of the month and think "we can't have spent all that" then look back over the bank statements like "Oh yeah... oh yeah I forgot about that... oh and there was that day we went to Dobbies...". We should really have a savings account but instead we "treat ourselves" like we used to, except it's every damn day not once a month :laugh:.

We have a similarish set up, we have a joint account for bills, savings etc and we each have our own accounts because you need to have a bit of spending independence I think (i know that it's a bit different if only one of you is working though) So technically we each have our own money as well as joint money but in reality it's still all ours, neither of us would ever be stuck for any reason

[user104658]

We have a similarish set up, we have a joint account for bills, savings etc and we each have our own accounts because you need to have a bit of spending independence I think (i know that it's a bit different if only one of you is working though) So technically we each have our own money as well as joint money but in reality it's still all ours, neither of us would ever be stuck for any reason

Yeah our money management is totally different in that sense since my wife started working full time, it works because we have a similar amount of excess income these days, I don't think it works if there's a large income disparity. I've seen married couples where both are working, but one earns significantly more, but they still treat the excess incomes as completely separate so one is like "oh can I afford to spend £100 on some new clothes?" while the other is out buying a £1000 sound system (an actual scenario I've seen!).

I personally don't think that can possibly be right for anyone.

[ChristmasNeeve]

Yeah our money management is totally different in that sense since my wife started working full time, it works because we have a similar amount of excess income these days, I don't think it works if there's a large income disparity. I've seen married couples where both are working, but one earns significantly more, but they still treat the excess incomes as completely separate so one is like "oh can I afford to spend £100 on some new clothes?" while the other is out buying a £1000 sound system (an actual scenario I've seen!).

I personally don't think that can possibly be right for anyone.

Yeah that's pretty bad, you're either working as a team or why did you bother getting married. I would find it very weird to see one half of a couple struggling for money while the other is flush. Like I couldn't even imagine me not being able to afford something I needed while Gav watched on and said aw too bad for you while he was rolling in cash or vice versa

[ThomasC]

Yeah that's pretty bad, you're either working as a team or why did you bother getting married. I would find it very weird to see one half of a couple struggling for money while the other is flush. Like I couldn't even imagine me not being able to afford something I needed while Gav watched on and said aw too bad for you while he was rolling in cash or vice versa

Exactly.

[user104658]

Yeah that's pretty bad, you're either working as a team or why did you bother getting married. I would find it very weird to see one half of a couple struggling for money while the other is flush. Like I couldn't even imagine me not being able to afford something I needed while Gav watched on and said aw too bad for you while he was rolling in cash or vice versa

The actual worst I saw was on the forum I ran - someone was complaining that she couldn't get income support/child tax credits and was having to get by on just child benefit (£35 a week) for both her and the kids ... when her husband was on over £150k/year salary. He paid their mortgage, bills etc, and for the food and household goods shopping but other than that wouldn't give her any money. Clothes for herself, things like days out with the kids, all were supposed to be funded from "her income"... and she vehemently defended this position and was only angry that she couldn't get more benefits "as she personally had no income". I should clarify - this wasn't a child support situation. They were married, living together, and planning more kids.

I was utterly gobsmacked and it kind of kicked off a bit. She was one of our mods, it was pretty messy :umm2:. Part of the dramatic "factional split" and end of the forum actually :hehe:.

[ThomasC]

If I had a boyfriend I would buy him lovely perfume, flowers and stuff.

Just saying.

[ChristmasNeeve]

The actual worst I saw was on the forum I ran - someone was complaining that she couldn't get income support/child tax credits and was having to get by on just child benefit (£35 a week) for both her and the kids ... when her husband was on over £150k/year salary. He paid their mortgage, bills etc, and for the food and household goods shopping but other than that wouldn't give her any money. Clothes for herself, things like days out with the kids, all were supposed to be funded from "her income"... and she vehemently defended this position and was only angry that she couldn't get more benefits "as she personally had no income". I should clarify - this wasn't a child support situation. They were married, living together, and planning more kids.

I was utterly gobsmacked and it kind of kicked off a bit. She was one of our mods, it was pretty messy :umm2:. Part of the dramatic "factional split" and end of the forum actually :hehe:.

I mean I presume they were actually his children too? That is horrific though, how on earth could he justify that in his own head? I mean you can't actually like your partner (or your children) very much if you're watching them struggle while you're getting paid a massive salary, it's pretty disgusting financial abuse. That woman was probably suffering some serious manipulation by him. The thing to do there (well what I'd do is leave the prick but) would be to get back to work yourself and pay someone to mind the children and have him contribute towards that to see how much her being at home actually saves the family

[michael21]

We've always put our money together since day 1

Yea that a normal relationship :cheer2:

[Cherry Christmas]

We don't technically have a joint account but we do have an account we use as one. I have two bank accounts, we use my main bank account like a joint account, then I have another account and she has her own account. We get paid into our own accounts etc, individual bills (phones, individual subscriptions like PSN) come from that account. I think you have to have SOME individual money to avoid disputes on how to spend, I guess. Like I don't want to have to justify spending £60 on a game, my wife has a £70/month phone and I would never spend that on a phone etc... also, for things like birthday and christmas, easier to keep things a surprise (e.g. my wife spent £400 on a VR headset last Christmas - I would definitely have noticed that coming out of the "joint" account :joker: )

But then we each pay into the other account for "joint" bills (house, council tax, utilities, fuel, subs we all use like Netflix/Spotify et al) and we also just transfer money to that as and when we need it for things like everyday shopping. When we go out for meals, since it's rare, usually whoever suggested it transfers the funds, but we sort of just keep topping up that account based on whoever happens to have cash that isn't earmarked for any specific use :shrug:.

TBH though we could probably be more organised and we're not the most sensible with our disposable income. We had a kid straight out of Uni and our only income was me as a little bookies cashier on minimum wage so "disposable income" was like £10 here, £15 there... £50 would have required some serious thought before spending... basically all of our money was taken up by bills and supermarket... but as our income increases exponentially we still seem to be in that mindset. Pay the bills, do the food shopping, spend what's left... except now that's thousands in disposable income every month and I have no ****ing idea where we spend it. I get to the end of the month and think "we can't have spent all that" then look back over the bank statements like "Oh yeah... oh yeah I forgot about that... oh and there was that day we went to Dobbies...". We should really have a savings account but instead we "treat ourselves" like we used to, except it's every damn day not once a month :laugh:.

Don't you ever want to buy your own place? I would worry with renting the landlord would pull the rug and we would all be homeless :worry:

[Cherry Christmas]

If I had a boyfriend I would buy him lovely perfume, flowers and stuff.

Just saying.

Smithy are you listening?

[Cherry Christmas]

Yeah that's pretty bad, you're either working as a team or why did you bother getting married. I would find it very weird to see one half of a couple struggling for money while the other is flush. Like I couldn't even imagine me not being able to afford something I needed while Gav watched on and said aw too bad for you while he was rolling in cash or vice versa

I wouldn't be able to live with someone like that, I worked with a girl and she lived with her b/f and when they went food shopping they split the food as to what would be eaten, like wtf how does that work :laugh:

even when I shared a house we had a mutual kitty for weekly essentials so it wasn't like one person buying the binbags

[michael21]

Josy and nim are right if your in a relationship you put your money together that how relationship work it not about single people if your on a relationship then both sound be one

[Cherry Christmas]

Josy and nim are right if your in a relationship you put your money together that how relationship work it not about single people if your on a relationship then both sound be one

You trying to get Charlotte to hand over her hard earned cash :hehe:

[Smithy]

Smithy are you listening?

I’ll send him my PO Box Address

[michael21]

You trying to get Charlotte to hand over her hard earned cash :hehe:

Money not really a issue if you really love someone :smug:

[user104658]

Don't you ever want to buy your own place? I would worry with renting the landlord would pull the rug and we would all be homeless :worry:

Yes Cherie hence why I said we should PROBABLY be saving, we pay as much in rent as we would on a mortgage, the obstacles are 1) saving for a deposit (as mentioned, we are BAD at this) and 2) houses are like gold dust where we live, and we don't want to relocate... the other villages around here are horrible and moving further out isn't realistic because of schools.

The landlord isn't going to pull the rug in terms of selling up but I think he's pretty old (we have never actually met our landlord, it's all through property management) and I sometimes worry that he'll simply die and whoever inherits the house will want to sell.

We are currently considering asking to buy from the landlord direct. I feel like they'd consider it if it was a no-hassle sale, would be attractive to them as a seller as it leaves out listing fees/agents cut etc. but the real issue there is that when we buy we'll be looking for slightly bigger. There's room for an extension (we're on a corner/big corner garden and literally every other house in the area which was built with the same setup has been extended) but it would be a pretty major project. Windows/boiler also need updating. Roof might need work. I dunno, it sounds like a lot of effort. Our income should be bumping up by another £5000 - £10000 this year so I reckon 2022 will be the year for seriously weighing up options.

[user104658]

I mean I presume they were actually his children too? That is horrific though, how on earth could he justify that in his own head? I mean you can't actually like your partner (or your children) very much if you're watching them struggle while you're getting paid a massive salary, it's pretty disgusting financial abuse. That woman was probably suffering some serious manipulation by him. The thing to do there (well what I'd do is leave the prick but) would be to get back to work yourself and pay someone to mind the children and have him contribute towards that to see how much her being at home actually saves the family

Yep, his own kids :think:. She insisted she was totally on board with their setup, that he "offered her housekeeping money" but she felt wrong in "taking his money from him" (but fine on benefits - not that I have any issue at all with people who genuinely need them, we got Child Tax Credit for several years, but in this case really quite confusing).

I'm not sure I believed her though, nor did several other members, and that's partly what caused such a massive drama, the term "financial abuse" did come up and that's when it went into meltdown.

[Cherry Christmas]

I’ll send him my PO Box Address

Don't turn your back on love :nono:

[ChristmasNeeve]

Yep, his own kids :think:. She insisted she was totally on board with their setup, that he "offered her housekeeping money" but she felt wrong in "taking his money from him" (but fine on benefits - not that I have any issue at all with people who genuinely need them, we got Child Tax Credit for several years, but in this case really quite confusing).

I'm not sure I believed her though, nor did several other members, and that's partly what caused such a massive drama, the term "financial abuse" did come up and that's when it went into meltdown.

Taking money from her own husband for HIS kids? wtf? You're either a family or you're not :/

[Cherry Christmas]

Yes Cherie hence why I said we should PROBABLY be saving, we pay as much in rent as we would on a mortgage, the obstacles are 1) saving for a deposit (as mentioned, we are BAD at this) and 2) houses are like gold dust where we live, and we don't want to relocate... the other villages around here are horrible and moving further out isn't realistic because of schools.

The landlord isn't going to pull the rug in terms of selling up but I think he's pretty old (we have never actually met our landlord, it's all through property management) and I sometimes worry that he'll simply die and whoever inherits the house will want to sell.

We are currently considering asking to buy from the landlord direct. I feel like they'd consider it if it was a no-hassle sale, would be attractive to them as a seller as it leaves out listing fees/agents cut etc. but the real issue there is that when we buy we'll be looking for slightly bigger. There's room for an extension (we're on a corner/big corner garden and literally every other house in the area which was built with the same setup has been extended) but it would be a pretty major project. Windows/boiler also need updating. Roof might need work. I dunno, it sounds like a lot of effort. Our income should be bumping up by another £5000 - £10000 this year so I reckon 2022 will be the year for seriously weighing up options.

aw cool, that work wouldn't phase me, I will send Mr C :laugh:

A double story extension would take about 12 weeks

Roof is a two week job

Windows 2/3 days

boiler - 2 days

you should definately make enquires about buying, think banks are given 5% deposits again :amazed:

get some quotes of how much the work would cost, it doesn't all need to be done in one hit ...like a 5 year plan or something

I would be pestering the agent to get in touch with the owner

[michael21]

Don't turn your back on love :nono:

That his fav position :hehe:

[user104658]

aw cool, that work wouldn't phase me, I will send Mr C :laugh:

A double story extension would take about 12 weeks

Roof is a two week job

Windows 2/3 days

boiler - 2 days

you should definately make enquires about buying, think banks are given 5% deposits again :amazed:

get some quotes of how much the work would cost, it doesn't all need to be done in one hit ...like a 5 year plan or something

I would be pestering the agent to get in touch with the owner

I don't want to give the landlord a whiff of it as a plan until we're actually in a position to actually do it, because it might give him ideas :joker:.

I'm also waiting for my credit rating to finally jump back up, I managed to properly default on a ****ing Vodaphone contract for the amount of £40!! 5.5 years ago because I cancelled the direct debit a month too early and it was just before we moved house... and it's been haunting my credit ever since. Utterly ludicrous. I didn't know anything about it until it had already been on my score for over a year. But it finally falls off my report in January :omgno:. I'm unreasonably excited, which makes me feel like such a boring old fart :think:.

[Cherry Christmas]

I don't want to give the landlord a whiff of it as a plan until we're actually in a position to actually do it, because it might give him ideas :joker:.

I'm also waiting for my credit rating to finally jump back up, I managed to properly default on a ****ing Vodaphone contract for the amount of £40!! 5.5 years ago because I cancelled the direct debit a month too early and it was just before we moved house... and it's been haunting my credit ever since. Utterly ludicrous. I didn't know anything about it until it had already been on my score for over a year. But it finally falls off my report in January :omgno:. I'm unreasonably excited, which makes me feel like such a boring old fart :think:.

welcome :laugh:

you will be looking up your pension forecast next :omgno:

[user104658]

you will be looking up your pension forecast next :omgno:

:bawling: I did that in May because th'bookies sent through an annual statement of the pension I had with them and I noticed it was transferrable so I was talking to the accountant of my new place about having the money from there transferred over. The pensions scheme at my new place outperforms the crap generic one by a mile :fist:.

[Cherry Christmas]

:bawling: I did that in May because th'bookies sent through an annual statement of the pension I had with them and I noticed it was transferrable so I was talking to the accountant of my new place about having the money from there transferred over. The pensions scheme at my new place outperforms the crap generic one by a mile :fist:.

:joker: well then

[Christmas Dynasnow]

"Don’t marry a rich man. Marry a good man. He will spend his life trying to make you
happy. No rich man can buy that."

[Christmas Dynasnow]

Romans 13:8
New International Version
Love Fulfills the Law

8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.

[Babayaro.]

Take turns or split it

This

[Urban Cragou]

60/40 in favour of the man. Not necessarily for chivalrous reasons but for the fact that women typically do a lot more as regards childcare/housekeeping. Assuming a certain leadership in a financial sense only makes sense when women seem to do more in general without monetary reward. That’s all. It doesn’t have to be done on the basis of misogyny, patriarchal undertones or outdated chivalry. It’s just for the sake of levelling up overall. That’s how you achieve a 50/50 balance.

For those reasons I wouldn’t want to be with a woman richer than myself but that’s just me.

[ChristmasNeeve]

60/40 in favour of the man. Not necessarily for chivalrous reasons but for the fact that women typically do a lot more as regards childcare/housekeeping. Assuming a certain leadership in a financial sense only makes sense when women seem to do more in general without monetary reward. That’s all. It doesn’t have to be done on the basis of misogyny, patriarchal undertones or outdated chivalry. It’s just for the sake of levelling up overall. That’s how you achieve a 50/50 balance.

For those reasons I wouldn’t want to be with a woman richer than myself but that’s just me.

Speak for yourself, I earn as much as my husband and we both contribute to our house and our children as much as each other tyvm :hee:

[Livia]

Like a lot of people on here we have out own accounts and a joint one we both pay into where all out direct debits live. I have always been proud to stand my round and would never expect a man to pay for me.

[ThomasC]

Smithy are you listening?

:joker::joker: Seriously though, he's too gay for me. I don't mean that in a degratory way, but I like straight acting men

I wouldn't be able to live with someone like that, I worked with a girl and she lived with her b/f and when they went food shopping they split the food as to what would be eaten, like wtf how does that work :laugh:

even when I shared a house we had a mutual kitty for weekly essentials so it wasn't like one person buying the binbags

Oh god, that is ridiculous.

When I was travelling in Australia I spent a few months with a lad like that. He was so ridiculously frugal it wound me up something rotten.

I’ll send him my PO Box Address

:joker::joker:

That his fav position :hehe:

:joker::joker: