Romantic Old Bird
01-09-2003, 06:58 PM
Copying this from the 'Loose Women' thread
P: H, I don't like the way that prat Alex spoke to you there. I don't like it at all.
H: Why?
P: Because he was well out of order.
H: Oh Paul, he was just being funny. I think he's funny, don't you?
P: No I bloody don't. In fact, if he ever talks to you like that in front of me, I might just land him one.
H: Paul Clarke! You're violent, you are! I think I'd better watch out for myself, living with a violent man like you.
P: You know I am not violent Helen, and even if I was (which I'm not) I would never ever hurt you. I couldn't.
H: Ah, love you, I know you wouldn't, BYLCS!
P: I hope you do know Helen, because that just wouldn't be right. I would never do anything to hurt a woman. Ever!
H: That's not completely true!
P: It is!
H: It isn't, because you hurt me once.
P: Did I? I didn't, I know I didn't. I never have.
H: You have so Mr Clarke
P: Alright then, you tell me when I hurt you
H: Well...
P: You can't, can you? 'Cos I didn't! When did I hurt you?
H: It was when you said........
P: Aaah, there you go then, you're talking WORDS. If I said something, it's different.
H: Not that different. It made me cry anyway.
P: Well I still say it's not the same. What did I say anyway?
H: You said: It was 60:40 me. In the house.
P: Bloody hell Helen, are you STILL banging on about that? I've said I'm sorry.
You know I didn't mean it like that
H: You did, you always say what you mean
P: I try to, 'cos you should do. But that time, it didn't come over right.
H: I still worry about that. Is it more me than you, and are you just being nice to me?
P: Nice? Living with you sice two weeks after it finished? Buying a house with you? Buying you stuff from Gucci, and Cartier, and having my picture taken in a flaming PINK towel!
H: It wasn't flaming pink Paul, it was Cherry Pink. It says so on the label. 'Minnie Mouse Cherry Pink Beach Towel'
P: OK then, Cherry bloody pink, it don't matter, it's the idea. Me looking like a complete idiot in that towel
H: I thought you looked lovely
P: Well, you were probably the only one who did!
H: I was worried about you.
P: Why?
H: I thought you might get cold, sitting there
P: Helen, we were in the Maldives! It's hot there
H: I know it is.
P: Well then.
H: I want taking no chances with my Mr Clarke
P: You're not joking. 36 degrees in the shade, and she thinks I'll catch I cold!
H: You laughing at me, Paul Clarke?
P: Yeah!
H: Why?
P: Cos
H: Cos I make you laugh?
P: Always. Since the day I met you. Even when I didn't like you, you still made me laugh.
H: It's good we can always laugh, don't you think, Paul?
P: It is Helen
H: So, what do you think I should have said to that Alex then?
P: Nothing I suppose. He wasn't worth the effort
H: Of getting upset?
P: No, definitely not
H: That's what I thought. So I didn't.
P: No, you were brilliant with him babe
H: I was, wasn't I?
P: Yeah
H: So Paul, that means, I was right.
P: I suppose
H: And in that case, that means, you were wrong
P: I'm not saying that!
H: You are!
P: I'm not!
H: Yes you are, you said you supposed I was right, and that I was brilliant
P: Well, I was being diplomatic
H: So you didn't mean it then?
P: Well, yeah, and ...no..
H: Paul, you are hopeless.
P: Well, I just don't like anyone giving you a hard time. You're too nice.
H: Am I?
P: Yeah, and kind
H: Don't forget loving
P: Well, I wouldn't, would I? You are loving.
H: And touchy feely?
P: Well you are very tactile
H: Paul!
P: What?
H: I don't like it when you call me that.
P: What, Tactile?
H: Yes.
P: Helen, tactile is good. It means you are very sensitive to touch, and that you like to touch other people. It's about liking getting close to people.
H: It doesn't mean oversexed then?
P: No, course not. Just, well, sensual
H: That sounds even worse
P: Well it's not. It's good. It's nice that you are tactile, and sensual. I like that about you.
H: Only like?
P: No, I love it.
H: That's alright then
P: Right
H: Paul?
P: Yeah?
H: Do you want your dinner soon
P: If it's ready, I must admit I am totally starving mate.
H: It is
P: Blinding
H: Oh, alright then
P: Why did you want to do something else first?
H: I thought you might want me to get tactile
P: Well, you should have thought of that first.
H: Dinner can wait, can't it?
P: Well, I'm starving now. You've made me think about food.
H: Well you've made me think about other stuff. Don't you want a cuddle?
P: I want my dinner, actually. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach..
H: If you say so Paul
P: Cool. Can I eat it here, while I watch the Athletics
H: If you like
P: Cheers
H: Here's your dinner then
P: Hang on babe, I'm just watching the relay final. Just put it on my lap.
H: If you want me to, here it is then
P: Cheers..............AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH
what the bloody hell???
H: Don't you like it?
P: Like it? I'm injured for life. I'll never be the same again. Why did you put it there? What is it?
H: Your tea Paul. You said 'just put it on my lap'
P: I know I did, but I thought you meant on a plate
H: You don't need a plate for Cornetto
P: Well, I didn't think you would put it there.
H: Is it really cold?
P: Err, YEAH!
H: Well, move it then
P: I will. Oh God, it's all starting to melt. I'm in a right mess now. Chocolate everywhere.
H: mmm
P: It's almost as bad as when...
H: As when what?
P: As when we was in the garden that time
H: That's a long time ago Mr Clarke
P: That was hilarious
H: It was funny
P: I had such a job to keep my hands off you that day
H: You didn't keep your hands off me
P: I tried to
H: Well you failed.
P: I did
H: Was you feeling tactile?
P: I was.
H: You alright now love?
P: No, not really
H: Ah, love you. What's the matter with you?
P: Well H, I think I might just be feeling tactile again
H: And I am. That's good, right?
P: That's pretty good, yeah
H: So that's two tactiles then!
P: But not too tactile!
H: Oh Paul, you've lost me again. I'm not much good am I?
P: Never mind Helen. It doesn't matter, it really doesn't.
H: That's OK then.
Later:
H: Oh Paul, you've missed the relay. It's all my fault for being tactile.
P: Don't worry about it Helen. There will definitely be a replay
H: Will there?
P: Absolutely
H: Fantastic! But do you think they'll show the relay again later?
http://images.thesun.co.uk/picture/0,,2003400678,00.jpg
P: H, I don't like the way that prat Alex spoke to you there. I don't like it at all.
H: Why?
P: Because he was well out of order.
H: Oh Paul, he was just being funny. I think he's funny, don't you?
P: No I bloody don't. In fact, if he ever talks to you like that in front of me, I might just land him one.
H: Paul Clarke! You're violent, you are! I think I'd better watch out for myself, living with a violent man like you.
P: You know I am not violent Helen, and even if I was (which I'm not) I would never ever hurt you. I couldn't.
H: Ah, love you, I know you wouldn't, BYLCS!
P: I hope you do know Helen, because that just wouldn't be right. I would never do anything to hurt a woman. Ever!
H: That's not completely true!
P: It is!
H: It isn't, because you hurt me once.
P: Did I? I didn't, I know I didn't. I never have.
H: You have so Mr Clarke
P: Alright then, you tell me when I hurt you
H: Well...
P: You can't, can you? 'Cos I didn't! When did I hurt you?
H: It was when you said........
P: Aaah, there you go then, you're talking WORDS. If I said something, it's different.
H: Not that different. It made me cry anyway.
P: Well I still say it's not the same. What did I say anyway?
H: You said: It was 60:40 me. In the house.
P: Bloody hell Helen, are you STILL banging on about that? I've said I'm sorry.
You know I didn't mean it like that
H: You did, you always say what you mean
P: I try to, 'cos you should do. But that time, it didn't come over right.
H: I still worry about that. Is it more me than you, and are you just being nice to me?
P: Nice? Living with you sice two weeks after it finished? Buying a house with you? Buying you stuff from Gucci, and Cartier, and having my picture taken in a flaming PINK towel!
H: It wasn't flaming pink Paul, it was Cherry Pink. It says so on the label. 'Minnie Mouse Cherry Pink Beach Towel'
P: OK then, Cherry bloody pink, it don't matter, it's the idea. Me looking like a complete idiot in that towel
H: I thought you looked lovely
P: Well, you were probably the only one who did!
H: I was worried about you.
P: Why?
H: I thought you might get cold, sitting there
P: Helen, we were in the Maldives! It's hot there
H: I know it is.
P: Well then.
H: I want taking no chances with my Mr Clarke
P: You're not joking. 36 degrees in the shade, and she thinks I'll catch I cold!
H: You laughing at me, Paul Clarke?
P: Yeah!
H: Why?
P: Cos
H: Cos I make you laugh?
P: Always. Since the day I met you. Even when I didn't like you, you still made me laugh.
H: It's good we can always laugh, don't you think, Paul?
P: It is Helen
H: So, what do you think I should have said to that Alex then?
P: Nothing I suppose. He wasn't worth the effort
H: Of getting upset?
P: No, definitely not
H: That's what I thought. So I didn't.
P: No, you were brilliant with him babe
H: I was, wasn't I?
P: Yeah
H: So Paul, that means, I was right.
P: I suppose
H: And in that case, that means, you were wrong
P: I'm not saying that!
H: You are!
P: I'm not!
H: Yes you are, you said you supposed I was right, and that I was brilliant
P: Well, I was being diplomatic
H: So you didn't mean it then?
P: Well, yeah, and ...no..
H: Paul, you are hopeless.
P: Well, I just don't like anyone giving you a hard time. You're too nice.
H: Am I?
P: Yeah, and kind
H: Don't forget loving
P: Well, I wouldn't, would I? You are loving.
H: And touchy feely?
P: Well you are very tactile
H: Paul!
P: What?
H: I don't like it when you call me that.
P: What, Tactile?
H: Yes.
P: Helen, tactile is good. It means you are very sensitive to touch, and that you like to touch other people. It's about liking getting close to people.
H: It doesn't mean oversexed then?
P: No, course not. Just, well, sensual
H: That sounds even worse
P: Well it's not. It's good. It's nice that you are tactile, and sensual. I like that about you.
H: Only like?
P: No, I love it.
H: That's alright then
P: Right
H: Paul?
P: Yeah?
H: Do you want your dinner soon
P: If it's ready, I must admit I am totally starving mate.
H: It is
P: Blinding
H: Oh, alright then
P: Why did you want to do something else first?
H: I thought you might want me to get tactile
P: Well, you should have thought of that first.
H: Dinner can wait, can't it?
P: Well, I'm starving now. You've made me think about food.
H: Well you've made me think about other stuff. Don't you want a cuddle?
P: I want my dinner, actually. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach..
H: If you say so Paul
P: Cool. Can I eat it here, while I watch the Athletics
H: If you like
P: Cheers
H: Here's your dinner then
P: Hang on babe, I'm just watching the relay final. Just put it on my lap.
H: If you want me to, here it is then
P: Cheers..............AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH
what the bloody hell???
H: Don't you like it?
P: Like it? I'm injured for life. I'll never be the same again. Why did you put it there? What is it?
H: Your tea Paul. You said 'just put it on my lap'
P: I know I did, but I thought you meant on a plate
H: You don't need a plate for Cornetto
P: Well, I didn't think you would put it there.
H: Is it really cold?
P: Err, YEAH!
H: Well, move it then
P: I will. Oh God, it's all starting to melt. I'm in a right mess now. Chocolate everywhere.
H: mmm
P: It's almost as bad as when...
H: As when what?
P: As when we was in the garden that time
H: That's a long time ago Mr Clarke
P: That was hilarious
H: It was funny
P: I had such a job to keep my hands off you that day
H: You didn't keep your hands off me
P: I tried to
H: Well you failed.
P: I did
H: Was you feeling tactile?
P: I was.
H: You alright now love?
P: No, not really
H: Ah, love you. What's the matter with you?
P: Well H, I think I might just be feeling tactile again
H: And I am. That's good, right?
P: That's pretty good, yeah
H: So that's two tactiles then!
P: But not too tactile!
H: Oh Paul, you've lost me again. I'm not much good am I?
P: Never mind Helen. It doesn't matter, it really doesn't.
H: That's OK then.
Later:
H: Oh Paul, you've missed the relay. It's all my fault for being tactile.
P: Don't worry about it Helen. There will definitely be a replay
H: Will there?
P: Absolutely
H: Fantastic! But do you think they'll show the relay again later?
http://images.thesun.co.uk/picture/0,,2003400678,00.jpg