Aw raph, you will work through it talking it out and posting your feelings will help :hug:

Both my grandmas died within the same fortnight last year and I just tried to continue life normally, found time was a great healer.

I'm someone who tends to bottle everything up and deal with it myself because I find it hard communicating how I feel to people, but when I lost a friend at uni I kept it bottled up inside and thought I was fine until I got really drunk one night and talked for hours to my girlfriend about them. I felt better after I'd done that.

I'm kind of like you, I bottle things up. I'm terrified that My grandparents are going too pass away soon. As I live with them so their basically my parents. I'm contemplated killing myself when they pass away as i don't think i could live on. So i just cherish every moment we have together.

My great gran was my rock and when she passed away 7 years ago i thought i would be sad and depressed for the rest of my life.. It was horrible for a few months but it got better and it will for you too! You just have to remember that their in a better place and looking down on you. It gets better trust me. Hope your ok :hug:

There is no way to deal with it, when you try & think positvely about them & think of memories, you automatically realise they are never coming back & it's awful

My dad passed away this December, rn I feel really strange like I know it happened but I just don't believe it like one moment he was here then he was gone. I keep thinking this is some sort of hoax. And I haven't even cried I just feel really numb. And I'm quit angry at myself because the week he died I had been ignoring his emails because I was 'busy'.

Maybe you could have some bereavement counseling too?
It will really help with feelings of anger or regret, and give you strength to deal with your emotions to structure ways for you to cope?