Originally Posted by Zizu (Post 11379345)

I sat with my mum for her last 6 days .. never left her side in a busy ward

We were told that they could do nothing for her and assigned her as nil by mouth

So we knew she was dying but she didn’t


It was a double whammy… I was losing my beautiful mother but I had to put on a brave face and lie to her each day ..


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Originally Posted by bitontheslide (Post 11379406)

I feel for you chalk, for those of us who have been there, we know what you are going through.

I lost my Mum over 35 years ago, and I still feel her loss to this day

Originally Posted by thesheriff443 (Post 11379415)

I was trying to find the words to express myself, I think your words speak for all of us.

Originally Posted by AnnieK (Post 11379428)

So very sorry Chalk. The pain will be raw for a while but remember the good times too. I will say, that when I lost my mum, being on here gave .e a welcome distraction at tunes and a lot of members dragged me through it.

Take care of you and your Dad.....:love:

Originally Posted by joeysteele (Post 11379456)

Really sorry to hear of your devastating loss.

I found nothing in life prepares you for the loss of the important person of your life being your Mother.

Thinking of you at this awful time.

Originally Posted by Cherie (Post 11379457)

aw Chalk my heart breaks for you, it sounds so sudden and traumatic, losing a parent is tough, look after yourself and your family, you are in my thoughts xx

Originally Posted by Ammi (Post 11379458)

…I’m so, so very sorry for your loss… :hug:…I can’t imagine how difficult for you to write that down and to exhale, really…there is nothing that anyone can say that will in any way ease that numbness right now…I’m glad that you got to sit with her for those days…we’ll never know how much strength that gives someone when they need it most…that support is something that she would have felt from you, so many times through her life as you felt hers also …my own mum passed away almost a year ago and I recognise so much of what you’ve said…I’ll never know what it would have meant to her for us to be there because she’d stopped being aware of us/aware of anything in her life many years ago…one of the things this last year, since we lost her and with my brothers…has been to take her back through her life and visit so many places and so many times and so many stages of her…/…all of those childhood memories we’ve had that she gave us all through our lives, so much that was a path to help make us who we are……I know that you will but you don’t need to look for anything/any sign that she’s still there and with you… because she’s there in everything you are, everything she’s given you and everything she’s made you feel…you’re not alone and you never will be through your whole life…we might lose the person but we never lose the love they’ve given….I know that your loss is overwhelming right now but it’s not just part of showing how much you loved her, it’s also showing how much she loved you…whenever you feel what you need to feel, just allow that also, if it needs to be released, allow it that space….you take care, I truly am so very sorry…:hug:…

Originally Posted by Soldier Boy (Post 11379747)

Very sorry for your loss, it's a terrible thing to process and can really take time. It'll be 10 years next year since my own mum died (relatively young, I was 28 and she was in her 50's) and in all honesty it's really only the last 2 or 3 years that I've properly processed all of it.

You mentioned picturing her face - try to think of her healthy and in better times. I know it can be very difficult - I had an awful image of my mum's face not long before she died stuck firmly in my head for a while, I found that if you really make the effort to picture better memories every time it comes up, eventually it'll stop being such an invasive thought.

Originally Posted by Vanessa (Post 11379750)

I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

Originally Posted by Livia (Post 11379910)

I wish there was something I could say to lessen the terrible hurt you're feeling. My deepest condolences.

I don't believe that those we love ever really leave us.

Originally Posted by Barry. (Post 11379932)

Sorry for your loss. I don’t know you but I hope your mum is at peace and she’ll be in my thoughts :(

Originally Posted by Abra (Post 11379955)

I'm so sorry to hear that, sending you and your family a lot of love x

Originally Posted by ChalkOutlineMan (Post 11380553)

Thank you all so much for the well wishes. I hope none of you find the brevity of my responses to be rude or low-effort, but even online I'm not the most comfortable with showing vulnerability and expressing emotion. And the level of empathy shown to me here has been overwhelming in the best possible way. Every word written in each response has genuinely impacted me to some degree or another. I value all of these replies and I'm positive I'll revisit them every now and again whenever the feeling of grief rears its head.

And in response to Cherie in particular, as I'm still new enough that I'm not totally sure how to navigate visitor messages on here: thank you for the kind words and yes I think I'll definitely be sticking around. I'll definitely need to take my mind off things on a fairly regular basis in future. :love:

Originally Posted by Maru (Post 11380905)

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss. I too lost someone dear recently and we are coming up on the anniversary so can empathize with what you are experiencing. The one takeaway from your post is that it seems to have brought you and your father closer. I thought that was a small blessing in the chaos. Before I lost my loved one who also needed daily care, I noticed later on that the toll of grief can actually began much sooner before the passing. It's easy to think about the feelings that occur in the aftermath, but as a primary support system, we may suffer some grief as well tending to other's significant daily needs. Especially when important goals aren't being met surrounding QoL. Just something to consider in the grieving process, not to forget the stuff we felt before that as we tend to still shoulder their burdens even when they're long gone. It's OK to take some time to tend to your own needs.

Originally Posted by ChalkOutlineMan (Post 11381186)

Thanks, Maru. And very sound advice that I can absolutely relate to and take on board. I would have preferred to thank you privately as I have done with the last few people who've replied, as I don't want to be seen as milking the thread and constantly dragging it out into the spotlight. :laugh: But your PMs are disabled. Still, many thanks for being so kind and empathetic.

Originally Posted by ChalkOutlineMan (Post 11379143)

I can't say anything more truthful than I feel like my world is shattered. My heart is broken, and my world along with it. Her official time of death was at 4:25pm, but really she was gone long before that. They tried for around two hours to get a heartbeat back. I've said so much today to the ambulance, police, my father, my uncle about what I was thinking and how I was feeling, etc. How I was staying strong in front of them but I knew I'd break down later in private, as would my father. We're that sort of people.

I can't remember exactly what the last thing she said to me was. And that was always a fear I had - that I wouldn't remember the last thing she said to me. I know she asked my father to put the fan on because she was feeling faint. And that's when her head started lulling backward and she looked at me like she was looking right through me. It crushes me to remember the blank look on her face and I wished to God I knew what the last thing she saw was, that she was cognisant of.

Around an hour ago, my father and uncle went for a walk to try and clear their heads. I stayed behind and wanted to clean up her bedroom where she died. It was all rather hectic with the ambulance service coming in and out, and the place was a mess. I just needed something to do, I think. That's when I broke. Picked up her handbag to move it to the side and I just fell against the cupboard door, sobbing and weeping. I wished aloud that I hope there's a God, that I hope there's a heaven and that she's there. Just somewhere in the universe for her to still exist in some sense and that I wish I can see her again someday. I wept for about five minutes, but deeply so, childishly demanding that she be given back to us. I'm sure that's not the last of it, but for the moment it'll do.

I stayed with her body for so long before the coroner finally arrived to collect her body, holding her hand and kissing her forehead, saying lots of random **** like I love you, I'll miss you, etc. And now while I still have my father and of course I love him and I recognise that we have to look out for each other now more than ever before, I still feel so fundamentally and utterly alone in this world now that my mother, my best friend, is gone forever.

I've been comforting myself and my father by saying that at least she was at home and with the people who loved her and that that's all that really counts in the end. I just needed to write this down.