Phone answering machine message ..' …If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..'...

An English mod, an Irish mod and a Scottish mod were captured by Kazanne and were each condemned to forty lashes. However, as a concession, each was allowed to have something on his back.
'Just rub a little palm oil on my back,' said The English mod 'and I'll take The forty lashes like a man.'
'Just rub some Scotch whisky on my back,' said The Scottish mod and I won't feel a thing.'
Then, Said The Irishman. 'Just put The English mod and The Scottish mod across my back and I'll take The forty lashes like a man and I won't feel a thing either.'

..a man goes to the GP..

man: Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'..

GP: That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome..

man: is that common..?...

GP: It's not unusual...

just have a picture of you xo

What do you call a Dog with no tongue?

I forgot this thread :love:

Do you want to hear a joke about Sodium?

:hugesmile: at both of these.

Niamh - that tops your brown stick joke!

No way, that will never ever be topped!

What do you call a dinosaur that's just been humped?

Why did the orange cross the road?

A man goes to the Holy Land for holiday with his wife and mother in law. During the trip his mother in law dies. The man goes to see an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home, but it will cost £5,000. Or they can bury her in the Holy Land for just £150.
“We’ll ship her home” says her son in law.
“Are you sure?” says the undertaker. “That’s an awfully big expense.”
“Look” the man says “Two thousand years ago you buried a chap here and 3 days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take the chance.”

because it wanted to get to the TOWIE set

Two Irishmen looking for a job spot a poster with "Tree Fellers wanted" Mick says to paddy,"Aw,shame there's only two of us"