Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part One

Scene: the werkroom, after Bombalicious’ elimination.

“Well, that was eventful,” Nicole laughs as the queens enter the werkroom. “Damn this flat ass!” she says, trying to lighten the mood by referring to the judges’ critique that she would have won the challenge if not for her runway presentation (and more specifically, her lack of padding). After that, there’s silence as Valentine cleans the mirror of Bombalicious’ lipstick message:

“Aw Jesus gross! L O L. Y’all know this ain’t right, but don't be shady ladies. p.s. thanks 4 the jewellery Ladee Boy. [sic] Can you hear me ticking? Bomb. x”

The queens stand around and stare at the mirror. “There’s a lot to unpack there, huh?” VinChelle asks herself rhetorically. “If I see that jewellery turn up on Antiques Roadshow next week, I’m cutting a bitch,” Lady Boi half-jokes, half-threatens as she volunteers to help Valentine finish the job. Eventually, attention turns to Jessica, who is standing noticeably further away from the other queens, especially Lady Boi and Eva. Big Dee eloquently asks her what’s “crawled up her ass”, before Jessica replies, telling the group that she feels it’s unfair that “certain queens” are getting recognition “despite not putting in as much effort as the rest of us.” When Drü asks for names, Jessica mentions Eva, Lady Boi and Yvie, the latter of whom is taken aback. “I knew I didn’t make the greatest first impression with these girls,” Yvie says in a confessional, “but for my Denver sister to have turned on me really sucks. I wasn’t getting that vibe from her at all, but now at least I know which game she’s playing. In the wise words of Alyssa Edwards, don’t get bitter, just get better.”

“If this is still about me getting the role she wanted, I swear to god,” Lady Boi complains to Yvie on the couch in the corner of the werkroom, referencing drama that arose during the previous week’s maxi challenge. “I didn’t even win! If she wants to drag someone, go for someone who’s been clocked by the judges, like Valentine, or Dee. Or, I love her, but Nicole.”

As the queens eventually remember to congratulate Honey on her challenge win, Eva stands at her station, folding her gown and putting it away. Jessica stands across the room, staring her down. “Oh my god, it’s like a Western,” says Cookie, caught between the two in the middle of the room. “Django Untucked, more like,” agrees Nicole from behind her station. As Eva and Jessica lock eyes intently, a naked Rafaella dramatically runs through the middle of them and past Cookie, shouting “I lost my boobs! I lost my boobs!” and flapping her arms manically. As VinChelle begins to wonder in the ghost of Bombalicious is haunting the werkroom and stealing the queens’ possessions, Rafaella explains that she left her breastplate somewhere in the room and can’t remember where. “Long story short,” Honey says in a confessional, “we’ve all gone mad and it’s only episode three. Lord Jesus help us all.”

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Two

The next morning, things are still tense between certain queens, although Rafaella is at least in high spirits, having managed to find her breastplate (“it was in my boob drawer!”). Boy Ru enters the werkroom and tells the queens he hopes they’ve packed their thermals, because winter’s coming. “Don’t tell me Shangela’s back again,” Cookie groans, before Ru clarifies that he’s talking about the Winter Olympics, despite the fact that in reality they happened a month and a half ago. For this week’s mini challenge, the queens will be acting out Winter Olympic sports, but first, they’d have to be sorted into pairs. Announcing that he’s been sitting on a secret, Ru unveils a long list of paper from inside his waistband and tells the queens that based on track record so far, their pairs have been decided and are as follows:

Eva, who won the first maxi challenge, will be paired with Valentine, who survived last week’s lip sync
Honey, who won the first mini challenge and last week’s maxi challenge, will be paired with Big Dee, who narrowly avoided last week’s lip sync
Lady Boi, who received positive feedback in week one, will be paired with Yvie, who survived the first lip sync but received positive feedback last week
Jessica, who received positive feedback in week one, will be paired with Cookie, who has been safe both weeks so far
VinChelle will be paired with Rafaella, as they have both been safe both weeks so far
Nicole, who has received positive feedback both weeks, will be paired with Drü, who received positive feedback last week

Jessica seems happy, although this may just be relief that she isn’t partnered with any of her new nemeses. The pairs divide themselves into performers and guessers, and the mini challenge begins:

• Valentine, as performer, has to act out bobsleigh to Eva, the guesser. As Eva instead guesses that her partner is acting out the well-known Winter Olympic sport of “go-karting”, they fail the mini challenge.
  
  
• Big Dee, as performer, has to act out speed skating to Honey, the guesser. Honey guesses that Big Dee is “doing some fancy running or something”, and as a result they fail the mini challenge.
  
  
• Yvie, as performer, has to act out snowboarding to Lady Boi, the guesser. Lady Boi guesses correctly and then decides to chest bump Yvie in celebration.
  
  
• Jessica, as performer, has to act out curling to Cookie, the guesser. Cookie spends several minutes promising that she knows the name of the sport without actually saying it, before copying Jessica’s actions and hoping that it will suffice in place of an answer. When a frustrated Jessica tells her that she was acting out curling, Cookie exclaims that she’s never going to be allowed back into Canada ever again.
  
  
• Drü, as performer, has to act out ice hockey to Nicole, the guesser. Nicole guesses correctly, but not before pointing out, “I’m from Louisiana… we don’t have ice in Louisiana!”
  
  
• Finally Rafaella, as performer, has to act out skeleton to VinChelle, the guesser. Rafaella presumably gets the wrong end of the stick, as she instead does some kind of strange interpretative dance that involves shaking about and doing zombie arms. Somehow, rather remarkably, VinChelle manages to guess correctly within seconds.

Once the queens are done embarrassing themselves, Ru reveals that as Rafaella and VinChelle were quickest to get a correct answer, they win this week’s mini challenge. Rafaella looks confused. Ru then tells the queens that they’d better be getting along with their partner, because they’ll also be working in their pairs (at which Jessica looks a lot less happy than she did before) for the maxi challenge, which is to choreograph and perform ice dance routines worthy of Olympic gold medals. Several queens’ jaws drop to the floor in horror, before Ru stresses that they won’t actually be ice skating, rather roller skating on a floor that’ll be made up to look like ice. Nonetheless, Big Dee still looks as if she’s about to faint, and a number of queens begin to wish that they’d been able to choose their own pairs.

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Three

The pairs, who’ve been supplied with practice ice skates to try on despite not having to do so in the challenge itself, get to work on creating their ice dance routines. Among the few queens that seem at all confident are Nicole, who considers herself a dancing queen (but repeats that there’s no ice in Louisiana, which may prove a hurdle), and Jessica, who says she’s up for the challenge that Ru has given her, although she expresses her concern over a lack of chemistry with Cookie following their not-so-great coordination in the mini challenge. “But at least I’m not with that bitch Eva,” she laughs as she repeatedly and menacingly stabs her work station with her ice skate.

Speaking of Eva, she and partner Valentine are sat around their work bench, trying to come up with a concept for their routine. Each pair has been given a different Britney Spears track to perform to, and Eva and Valentine have been tasked with choreographing a number to the song Everytime. “The problem is, it’s really slow, and everyone else has upbeat songs, so we’re going to stand out no matter what we do,” Eva says, rubbing her temples. Valentine suggests that they go down the comedy route, as both queens have admitted that they’re not great at skating and the judges may find their performance boring if they play it straight. “Eva isn’t convinced yet, but I think comedy is our only option,” Valentine says in a confessional. “I nearly went home last week because I didn’t stand out enough, and I can’t risk the same thing happening twice in a row. We’re just going to have to pull up our leg warmers and, somehow, make those judges laugh.” In a separate confessional, Eva says although she and Valentine have a strong Chicago bond, she may end up having to step in and overrule her sister on this particular decision.

Meanwhile, Lady Boi and Yvie work on their choreography to Gimme More, but Yvie admits that she’s distracted, and not just by the sound of Jessica slamming the blade of her ice skate into the table while yelling profanities. “I’m still feeling a little bit shaken by what Jessica said about me earlier,” she confesses. “It’s hard to concentrate on the task at hand when someone you’ve known for a long time turns on you for no apparent reason. She’s my sister and I’m going to have to talk it out with her to find out what’s going on, but I might have to wait until she’s less… well, violent for a start.” As she jots down notes on their performance, Lady Boi looks around the room and sees Rafaella doing somersaults around partner VinChelle, before landing into a split. “I never thought I’d see the day where VinChelle gets upstaged by someone,” Lady Boi mutters to Yvie as Rafaella walks the length of the werkroom on her hands. “Such unique choreography those two have...”

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Four

Later that day, the queens go to practice their routines in a specially-constructed performance area, where they’re met by guest coach, Olympic bronze medallist figure skater and professional Twitter icon Adam Rippon, who’s here to put the queens through their paces on the so-called ice. As they arrive in the studio and lay eyes on Adam, Honey fangirls a little while Big Dee dickpigs a lot. The queens prepare to show him their choreography to Break the Ice, but not before Big Dee warns that she probably will literally break the ice, even though Adam reminds her that it isn’t real ice. Of the two, Honey is clearly more natural in skates, and is also slightly better at remembering the routine, as Big Dee keeps stopping and asking her partner what the next move is. “You can’t do this on the night, ladies,” Adam says. “I didn’t pause in the middle of my Olympic program and ask for my line. Good god, get a grip girl.”

Two pairs decide to adopt the same technique in the routines that they perform for Adam: namely, both Nicole and Drü, performing to Slumber Party, and VinChelle and Rafaella (who as a team have christened themselves Blades of Whorey), skating to Outrageous, decide to “lez it up” (Drü’s words, not mine) and spend more time simulating sex rather than actually dancing. However, Adam complains that Nicole and Drü’s routine “didn’t even give him a semi”, and Rafaella’s cartwheels, handstands and incessant grinding on VinChelle makes him laugh more than anything. “A little more work might be needed” is the advice he gives to both pairs, after which everyone goes off for a cigarette and a lie down in a dark room.

Adam is sceptical of Valentine’s decision to take a comedic approach in her and Eva’s performance to an emotional song, and suggests that they try their routine without the slapstick to see whether or not it would work. However, he soon realises that neither are particularly capable skaters, and tells them to go for as much comedy as they’d like in order to mask that fact. Next, he praises Lady Boi and Yvie’s energy in their practice performance, but asks them to work on their synchronisation, as “it’s all getting a little sloppy on the bottom. And I know a thing or two about sloppy bottoms.”

Finally, Jessica and Cookie take to the ‘ice’ for their routine to I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll, and Adam soon notices a problem. “Cookie, I’m not really getting rock and roll from your performance, and Jessica, I’m getting too much. Way, way, too much. I was wondering if there was any pent-up frustration you need to get out, because right now it looks like a bull chasing a mouse around the rink.” Jessica replies that she’s fine, and that she's probably just feeling the pressure of the challenge. “I’m not sure if either of us are ready for this performance,” Cookie says in a confession, adding that she’s slightly scared of Jessica right now.

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Five

Just like that, it’s elimination day, and the queens are back in the werkroom, getting ready for both their ice dance performances and the runway, which has the theme Stars In Stripes. Jessica yawns and tells Cookie that she didn’t catch any sleep last night, and she isn’t sure why. “Maybe it’s the stress,” she tells herself, but Cookie isn’t convinced. She decides to go over to Eva and ask if she and Jessica would like to hash out their problems, as she suspects that Jessica is letting the tension get to her without wanting to admit it. “I think I’ll ask her on my own terms,” Eva replies. “I don’t want to butt in and make things worse, you know? We could end up with a Tonya Harding situation on our hands.”

As Cookie walks away and returns to her work bench, Eva makes last minute alterations to her runway look. “Oh my god, you bitch, that’s such a shoot,” Valentine says, admiring the fitted striped gown and custom ornate headpiece. “I feel like mine’s so basic compared to yours.” The sight of Eva’s dress actually makes Valentine rather emotional, and she begins telling Eva about her frustration. “It sucks,” she says, “because I live to perform and play characters and put on a show, and yet I’ve been underperforming in challenges I should be good at. And now I’m looking at your dress, and I feel like you’re out there doing Chicago proud and I’m letting them down.” Valentine wipes a tear away and laughs at herself as Eva reminds her partner that she’s “one of the fiercest bitches” she knows. “You just need to keep reminding yourself of that, because once you know it’s true then you’ll be able to prove it to the world. Now get out of my station, you whore.”

At the makeup table, various queens are applying their paint and telling jokes to pass the time. VinChelle insists they play “bang, marry, kill”, to which Honey replies, “oh, after today’s challenge, I’d do all three to Adam Rippon.” Big Dee then suggests they play the game with members of the Trump administration, adding, “I’d let Jeff Sessions be the Attorney General to my bussy any day of the week.” Jessica overhears the laughter from her work station and walks over. “Don’t joke about that,” she says, as Big Dee plans her marriage to Rex Tillerson. “I don’t want to hear anyone making jokes about the Trump administration as if they’re not still the enemy. Do I have to remind you guys how dangerous they are before you stop talking about which ones you’d like to kiki with? Seriously, grow up and have some respect.” Rafaella makes a face to the camera as Nicole mutters something about too much drama.

“Sit down, queen. You’re not the joke police,” Big Dee replies as she sticks an eyelash on. “I can talk about giving BJs to Mike Pence all I want, because it’s called a joke. Take a heavy dose of chill pills and calm your overdramatic ass.” Jessica turns and walks the other way, shaking her head and wondering who still uses the phrase “take a chill pill” in 2018.

Yvie notices the tension in the werkroom about to boil over, and decides to approach Jessica to talk things over. “Girl, this isn’t you,” Yvie says, rubbing her shoulder. “What’s eating you today? You’re not the queen I know and it’s making me really sad.” Jessica rubs her eyes and begins to cry. “I don’t know. I really don’t know. Maybe it’s the pressure of the competition, seeing queens who are just naturally smart and confident and popular and… I don’t know, better than me. You and I both know that I’m at the top of the Denver scene, and now all of a sudden I’m not at the top, even though I work my ass off each and every day to get there.” As Yvie wipes Jessica’s tears from her face, Jessica apologises if she’s been acting bitter towards other queens, including her. Yvie accepts this and tells Jessica that she understands the pressure she’s under, laughing that “we’ve both had it hard and it’s only episode three.” However, Yvie says she can’t promise that Lady Boi and Eva will be quite as forgiving.

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Six - The Performances

Ru walks down the runway and welcomes the judges - Michelle Visage, Ross Mathews, and tonight’s extra special guest judges, Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon and actress Sarah Michelle Gellar - to the show, before introducing tonight’s maxi challenge.

Pair #1) Honey Davenport & Big Dee skate to Break the Ice

Pair #2) Nicole Lynn Foxx & Drü Holiday skate to Slumber Party

Pair #3) Eva Young & Valentine Addams skate to Everytime

Pair #4) Lady Boi & Yvie Oddly skate to Gimme More

Pair #5) Jessica L'Whor & Cookie Kunty skate to I Love Rock 'n' Roll

Pair #6) VinChelle & Rafaella Pop skate to Outrageous

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Seven - The Runway

Once all the pairs have performed, Ru introduces tonight’s runway theme: Stars In Stripes.

-----

Honey Davenport:

https://i.imgur.com/fkQREWm.png

Big Dee:

https://i.imgur.com/VuVkcc5.png

Nicole Lynn Foxx:

https://i.imgur.com/PKOjVBI.png

Drü Holiday:

https://i.imgur.com/RuZOMOR.png

Eva Young:

https://i.imgur.com/VYRkxpm.png

Valentine Addams:

https://i.imgur.com/fl6QkIH.png

Lady Boi:

https://i.imgur.com/OptNcQy.png

Yvie Oddly:

https://i.imgur.com/hImdFZT.png

Jessica L'Whor:

https://i.imgur.com/d1cKpWY.png

Cookie Kunty:

https://i.imgur.com/4KQnETn.png

VinChelle:

https://i.imgur.com/pwoj5XW.png

Rafaella Pop:

https://i.imgur.com/7pv1Ccp.png

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Eight - The Deliberation

The queens are gathered for the judges’ critiques. Ru announces that as the queens competed in pairs, they’ll be judged as such. Eva gulps.

Firstly, the judges tell Honey that they would quite literally die for her runway look, and praise her “can-do” attitude in the challenge. “Well, that’s one half of the pair out the way,” Michelle says, before moving onto Big Dee, prompting Honey to stand in front of her partner to protect her from whatever onslaught is coming. “You’re not a natural on the ice,” Adam gently tells Big Dee, crushing her life-long dream of competing at the 2022 games. Ross tells her that while her runway look isn’t the most flashy, it certainly isn’t the worst. VinChelle and Rafaella’s ice dance routine, meanwhile, is given the thumbs up from the judges, with Sarah commenting that it managed to entertain her without looking as though they’d made it up on the spot, and Ross giving special praise to Rafaella for her performance. Michelle says that Rafaella perhaps took the runway theme a little too literally, but Adam says she almost looks good enough to turn him straight. “It’s comforting to know that the most patriotic person here is the one from Spain,” Ross deadpans.

The judges rave over Nicole’s runway presentation, and point out that she would have won last week if she’d looked anywhere near as good. “Thanks, I guess?” Nicole laughs in response to this almost-compliment. Drü also receives complimentary feedback on her look, but the judges are more hesitant when it comes to their routine. “It felt safe. I wanted drag, but for me it just… sagged,” says poet laureate Adam Rippon. “It was a fine performance, but with Britney, you want that extra bit of excitement. I didn’t get that,” adds Ross. For Eva and Valentine’s team, Eva gets glowing reviews for her fashion-forward gown, but that’s where the good news ends. Michelle tells Valentine that her look is “a bit pedestrian”, even though Ross says he’ll never not stan a beret. Their ice dance performance, which featured a lot of slapstick faces and rolling around on top of each other, was “kind of cringeworthy” according to Adam. Valentine accepts full responsibility for her “bad executive decision” and apologises to Eva.

“They’re not exactly my favourite,” says Michelle of Jessica and Cookie’s runway looks, although Adam says he likes Jessica’s use of colour and Sarah compliments Cookie’s starry eyes. “And then we have your routine,” Adam begins, looking over his notes and trying to work out how to phrase his critique, “where you didn’t seem very involved. All I got was disinterest.” Ross says he missed the energy that he usually gets from both Jessica and Cookie. Jessica bows her head throughout. Finally, the judges comment on Lady Boi and Yvie. Adam tells Yvie that her club kid-inspired look has him “gagged”, and for once Michelle agrees. “You have a real eye for freaky fashion. You killed it,” she smiles, as Lady Boi gets positive feedback (if not quite as positive as Yvie) for her 1960s-inspired outfit. Their ice dance routine receives unanimous praise, and Adam commends them on fixing their synchronisation issues to deliver “a tight, fun performance with no sloppy bottoms in sight.” Ross combines the pair’s fashion skills and ice skating proficiency into a single groan-worthy “Kristi Yama-Gucci” pun.

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Nine - The Deliberation, cont.

Once the judges have deliberated, consulted with various professional ice skating judges from around the world and submitted their scores, the queens are called back to the main stage to hear Ru’s decisions.

“VinChelle and Rafaella Pop… you’re safe.”

“Lady Boi and Yvie Oddly, this week, you well and truly broke the ice. Condragulations, you’re the winners of this week’s challenge.”

A very excited Lady Boi and an even more excited Yvie chest bump in celebration, before being told that they’ve each won a Caribbean getaway and a year’s supply of tequila. They’re then both even more excited.

“Nicole Lynn Foxx and Drü Holiday… you’re safe.”

“Honey Davenport and Big Dee… you may not have been on the same level this week, but you’re safe.”

“Eva Young and Valentine Addams, this week, your slapstick made us… slap-sick. Jessica L’Whor and Cookie Kunty… your routine had plenty of Kunt and lots of L’Whor, but I’m afraid we needed much, much more....”

“...Eva and Valentine, you’re safe.”

Valentine looks stunned and stands on the spot for several seconds too long, before hugging Eva and leaving the stage with her. This leaves Cookie Kunty and Jessica L'Whor as the bottom two.

“Two queens stand before me,” Ru continues. “This is your last chance to impress me, and save yourself from elimination.” In a confessional, Jessica sighs that it’s been a tough week, but her conversation with Yvie has helped her see the competition in a new light, and she’d hate to leave before she has the chance to make amends with her sisters. “I have to do something to really stand out," she says. “The time has come, to lip sync, for your life…”

Episode #3 - Drag Queens on Ice
Part Ten - The Lip Sync

https://i.imgur.com/eo93pql.png https://i.imgur.com/pOlHHGp.png

Cookie Kunty vs. Jessica L'Whor
Rasputin (Boney M)



The two queens both show that they're keen to stay and that, as the maxi challenge may have suggested, they're not completely inept at choreography, as Jessica and Cookie both pull out their best dance moves. Cookie shows the judges her best disco tricks, while Jessica goes for a wilder approach, taking time in the middle of her lip sync to drop to the floor and do some Cossack dancing. It's a more or less equal battle until the final chorus, when Jessica pulls out a Russian flag that she'd somehow managed to fit inside her tiny costume. As she waves the flag about in the breeze, the winner becomes clear.

After the lip sync, Ru tells the queens that she has made her decision.

“Jessica L'Whor, shantay you stay,” Ru declares. Jessica bursts into tears and uses her Russian flag as a massive hanky. Cookie embraces her in a hug and tells her to keep fighting.

“Cookie Kunty,” Ru continues. “you showed us both your sweet and savoury sides, and let me tell you, they were a batch made in heaven. We wooden change you for the world. Now, sashay away.”

Cookie giggles, nods and smiles as she blows kisses to her other girls, several of whom (especially Rafaella) are crying. “Au revoir, my ladies. It was a pleasure,” she says, leaving the stage.

As she collects her trophy, Cookie says she has no regrets, but admits that being partnered with Jessica at “her... difficult time" probably did her no favours. Her goodbye speech is cut off by a sudden voice coming from the TV screen. “Don’t lose hope yet, my queen,” says Ru's voice. “For the race is long.”

Cookie drops and breaks her trophy in surprise, before asking if she has to pay for a replacement.

To be continued...

Originally Posted by MB. (Post 9941302) And finally, since I'm a nerd: https://i.imgur.com/65lnjFu.png https://i.imgur.com/AQhBsxe.png

Originally Posted by Ammi (Post 9943455) ...another fabulous read MB as always..your just stunning at this...:lovedup:....i’ve just caught up and done the survey...Cookie though..:sad:...it’s becoming so hard to see any of these ladies sashay away...

Originally Posted by Shaun (Post 9943919) All 3 consistently 'safe' queens getting an extreme placing this week and ruining the chance of a Dida Ritz queen </3

Originally Posted by Shaun (Post 9943926) *Joslyn Fox looks away, embarrassed*