Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part One

Scene: the werkroom, after Cookie’s elimination.

The queens return to the werkroom, mumbling vaguely French-sounding words in tribute to their departed Canadian sister. The queens cheer on a still-emotional Jessica as she wipes Cookie’s final words from the mirror:

“Il y a vingt-cinq grammes d'héroïne non coupée cachée quelque part dans cette pièce. Amusez-vous, mesdames. (jk Kimora) -sincerely, your white chocolate chip Cookie xoxo”

“I can’t speak French, but I bet that says something real nice,” Honey smiles. As the queens give their congratulations to maxi challenge winners Lady Boi and Yvie (Big Dee tells them that they’ll soon put Torvill and Dean out of business. “Oh, those magician dudes who got bitten by a tiger?” replies Lady Boi), Jessica takes her time by herself at the mirror to calm down following an emotional few days. In a confessional, she talks about regretting her previous actions and hopes that she hasn’t alienated her fellow queens too much. “I got stuck in my own head and did things that I’d never normally do, and it impacted not only my performance in the competition but my personal relationships with these girls. Hopefully I have time to turn things around before it’s too late.”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Two

A new day dawns and boy Ru enters the werkroom, equipped with a devilish new challenge for the queens up his garishly-patterned sleeve. He’s followed in by two members of the Pit Crew (imagine the two that you find the hottest. It’s them), each holding a massive ball. Ru tells the queens to take a long, hard look at the Pit Crew’s balls, and honestly it’s a wonder that this show is still on the air at this point. Anyway, as Ru explains, inside each ball are tiny balls with the names of each queen written on them. He will pull out one tiny ball from each larger ball, and the two queens whose names are randomly drawn will become the team captains for this week’s maxi challenge. With the rules as clear as mud, Ru draws Drü’s name from the first ball, and Rafaella’s name from the second. Drü seems cautious, whereas Rafaella starts screaming like a banshee. It is then explained to Rafaella that the draw was to determine team captains for the maxi challenge, not the winner, and she calms down.

Ru explains that as there are an odd number of queens, whoever is left last will be able to pick their team. Drü is first to pick, followed by Rafaella, and the teams are as follows (in order of selection):

Team Drü
Drü Holiday
Lady Boi
Yvie Oddly
Honey Davenport
Big Dee
Jessica L'Whor

Team Rafaella
Rafaella Pop
Eva Young
VinChelle
Nicole Lynn Foxx
Valentine Addams

“It doesn’t surprise me that I was left until last,” Jessica says, surprisingly calmly, in a confessional. “I’ve been an absolute mess these past few days, but it’s all in the past, and my job now is to prove to these girls that I’m over it and I’m here to be a valuable team member. Never underestimate L’Whor.”

With teams picked, Ru tells the girls that he’s in the mood for a celebration, and suddenly hundreds of balloons fall from the ceiling. Nicole, who apparently has a phobia of balloons, runs to the other side of the room. “We don’t have balloons in Louisiana!” she shouts over the sound of three hundred balloons being popped by overexcited drag queens. Once it’s safe for her to return to the group, Ru explains that for this week’s maxi challenge, the two groups will be throwing rival surprise birthday parties for a mystery guest. The group whose party the guest deems best will win, and although it is a group challenge, the queens will want to do what they can to stand out and make the guest’s special day one to remember. “And one more thing,” Ru announces, doing his best Columbo impression, “your first clue: these parties had better be big. Big Apple big.”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Three

Firstly, Team Drü congregate at their station and, with Ru’s clue lingering in their heads, bounce ideas for their party off one another. “It’s definitely someone from New York, right?”, Yvie asks, as the group turns to native New Yorker Honey for any suggestions. “Perhaps it’s one of my drag sisters. It could be Bob, or Sasha, or Peppermint,” she says, reeling off lists of New York queens. Big Dee suggests they narrow their possible guests down to no more than a couple of names, or else they may lose focus. “Either way,” Drü says as she notes down the seemingly never-ending list of Honey’s drag queen friends, “it sounds like we’re throwing a party for someone flamboyant. Let’s think big, ladies.” As the queens discuss their plans, Lady Boi notices that Jessica seems happier than in previous days, but is for some reason holding back from contributing her ideas. “I'm worrying that Jessica is trying to compensate for her erratic behaviour by being quiet and just agreeing with everyone,” Lady Boi says in a confessional. “Which, believe me, is not going to win any of us the hundred thousand dollars.”

Across the room, Team Rafaella get to work on planning their birthday party, but not before Rafaella waves a balloon in a terrified Nicole’s face to amuse herself. The queens begin by listing names of famous New Yorkers that the show could realistically afford. VinChelle suggests Leah Remini, Valentine throws out Lena Dunham’s name and Eva wonders aloud if it may be Joan Rivers, until Nicole reminds her that she’s been dead for four years. “Well, that didn’t stop Morgan McMichaels,” Eva shoots back. As the group reaches a dead end in their guessing and the discussion begins to thin, Rafaella offers her two cents. “Listen, everyone,” she says, standing on the table for some reason. “I have a story to tell.”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Four

“Three weeks ago, I came to this country as an immigrant,” Rafaella begins, as Nicole whispers to VinChelle that she isn’t sure where this story’s going. “It was an eye-opening experience. By which I mean the customs authorities at LAX checked the insides of my eyelids for smuggled drugs. By that’s beside the point. What I mean to say is that I have been prepared for this trip for a very young age, when, as a child in old Madrid, I first learned to speak the language that you call English. And how, you ask? Well, mi papa would always watch New York Yankees games on the television, and I would watch with him and listen, which may explain why I speak English with the accent of a hot dog vendor. This is all to say that I am ninety nine percent sure our mystery guest is none other than former New York Yankees first baseman Don Mattingly, and all of you should be as sure as I am. Thank you for your time, ladies.” Rafaella stands down from the table.

“I mean, it could be anyone, for now I wouldn’t be so confide-” Eva begins to say before being cut off by Rafaella’s death stare. “Believe me, the party is for Don Mattingly,” she reaffirms, before walking off to get a drink, accidentally stepping on and bursting a balloon as she does so. The rest of her team sit around in stunned silence. In a confessional, Eva worries that the team will be steamrolled by Rafaella and her bizarre stories, and that they’ll lose the challenge as a result.

Before the queens depart to set up their respective parties, Ru returns to the werkroom with a second clue. “Ladies, I hope your parties have plenty of flavour. Our guest would definitely love that,” he says, before tilting his hat to the queens and leaving. Drü’s eyes widen and she whispers something to her team. Rafaella mouths “Don Mattingly” to herself.

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Five

It’s time for the queens to set up their rival parties, ready for the mystery guest to arrive. On Drü’s team, Yvie was placed in charge of ordering props, and has decked her team’s room out in giant golden clocks. Big Dee and Jessica were given the role of decorating the room, and have chosen to paint the walls in a lush purple and furnish the room with high-end leather furniture. Lady Boi and Honey, meanwhile, were placed in charge of food and drink, and decided to order two bags of Doritos and seventy six bottles of champagne to wash them down with. Drü, having overseen the queens in their roles, gives her team the thumbs up, and says in a confessional that she’s glad they managed to come together and correctly guess the mystery guest. “Or, at least, I hope we did. We’ll look like total idiots if it turns out to be, I don’t know, some baseball player or something.”

Meanwhile, in the room next door, Rafaella’s team set up their party under their captain’s strict instructions. As per Rafaella’s specifications, Valentine has decked out the room with baseball bats, photos of baseballs and a giant sign which reads “we love you, Don Mattingly”, while Eva and Nicole have ordered Don’s favourite food and drink for him to enjoy: four graham crackers, an apple, and a pint of carbonated milk. VinChelle has taken some liberty with the furnishings, going against Rafaella’s plan and instead placing a fluffy pink couch in the middle of the room. “I hope Don Mattingly likes pink,” Rafaella says nervously, inspecting the room. “But on the whole, I’m proud of you ladies.”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Six - The Parties

Party hour is upon us, and first up to throw their birthday party are Team Drü. “I’m so nervous,” Jessica says, wringing her hands and rearranging the cutlery for the fifth time. Yvie gives her a sisterly tight squeeze, and Drü asks the queens to take their places as the guest makes their arrival. The door opens, and in walks the HBIC herself, Tiffany ‘New York’ Pollard. The queens manage to be professional and composed for the best part of a second, before erupting in a chorus of excited screams and other such gay noises. “Oh my god, I worship you,” Lady Boi says, stroking Tiffany’s hair. “Uh, I mean, happy birthday.” Honey invites Tiffany to take a seat as Big Dee cracks open the champagne and Jessica offers round the Doritos. Yvie puts on a playlist of early noughties R&B music and the queens quickly begin asking Tiffany about her life and career, at which point Drü begs her to tell her she looks like Luther Vandross, although she is interrupted by one of the Pit Crew entering and giving Tiffany a lap dance. Towards the end, Jessica brings out a cake that she made herself, and the queens rap Happy Birthday, to which Yvie does an interpretative dance. “I’ve had a lovely time, ladies. I need drag queens to throw me birthday parties more often!” Tiffany says as she leaves, making sure to hug each queen individually. “Bye Pumkin!” shouts Honey through the door, and with that, the party ends. The team breathes a sigh of relief and Drü calls for a group hug. “I reckon we nailed it,” Jessica smiles in a confessional. “Considering how worried I was to begin with, I think things are going a lot better for me than they were last time, let me put it that way.”

Tiffany leaves her first party and makes her way to her second. “Oh wow,” she says to herself as she opens the door and takes in the heavily baseball-themed decor. “This is unexpected.” The queens all smile at Tiffany as she walks into their party, although Rafaella stands on the spot for slightly too long, as if she is waiting for Don Mattingly to follow Tiffany in. “I knew she was leading us in the wrong direction,” Nicole mutters to Valentine as they go to collect the refreshments and carbonated milk. “I should have said something earlier. This is going to be torture.” As Valentine remains at the snack table, staring at a graham cracker and wishing it was something more interesting, Tiffany places herself down on the fluffy pink couch. “I like this couch at least,” she says, tucking into the sole apple that she has been provided with. VinChelle takes credit for the choice of furniture, then gives Rafaella the side eye. Once she gets over her disappointment that she did not meet her childhood hero, Rafaella plays up to her role as host, offering at routine intervals to get Tiffany some more milk and asking her (often unrelated) questions about herself. Tiffany often laughs at these, although a confused Rafaella keeps insisting she isn’t telling any jokes. Sensing the need to liven things up, Nicole decides to perform an impromptu dance routine, despite the lack of music, using one of the spare baseball bats as a prop. Tiffany seems to enjoy this performance and even asks Nicole to teach her some moves. Once Rafaella offers to teach her guest the entirety of the Spanish language, however, Tiffany decides to say her goodbyes, thanking the group for the unique experience but still none-the-wiser as to who Don Mattingly is. In a confessional, Rafaella says that the party didn’t exactly go as planned, but thankfully most of her team (in which she includes herself) stepped up to the bat. “Eva didn’t do anything helpful other than look pretty, and Valentine just stood around staring at a cracker, but other than that I think we did very well. Especially me.”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Seven

The next day, with both parties having been thrown and with lots of champagne (and milk) drunk, the queens return to the werkroom, where they prepare their outfits for the next runway. There still seems to be tension in Rafaella’s team after their captain’s potentially fatal mistake, and Eva and Valentine sit at the makeup station discussing the previous day’s events. “Rafaella completely steamrolled us and wouldn’t let any of us offer ideas,” Eva says as Valentine nods. In a confessional, Valentine says that she was worried that Eva would be unwilling to work with her following their poorly-received pair performance in the previous challenge, “but luckily we were able to get along and act like adults. Something that Rafaella, bless her heart, seems to struggle with.” Valentine goes on to say that her poor track record in the competition is beginning to weigh on her, as she doesn’t feel that it’s a fair representation of who she is as a drag queen. “If I could just get to Snatch Game, or another sewing challenge, I could blow Ru’s wig off with the things I can do. But right now those challenges seem to be slipping further away with each new week.”

As Drü’s team discuss their respective concepts for this week’s runway, appropriately entitled The Morning After The Night Before, Yvie pulls Jessica aside for a chat to ensure that everything on Planet L’Whor is fine and dandy. “Ya, thank you, it is,” she replies. “I mean, it’s been quite the few days, but that’s water under the bridge now, and I’m just glad we killed this challenge as hard as we did.” Lady Boi walks past, hears their conversation and joins in, saying that she noticed Jessica was being quieter than usual earlier. “Just so you know, we’re all on your side now, all of us. You’re a fierce old bitch and it wasn’t right to see you reserved like that.” Jessica explains that she’d thought a lot about her behaviour over recent days and decided that holding back was the smartest solution, instead of stirring the pot, but this week’s challenge has made her realise that she doesn’t have to keep her mouth closed to be successful in this competition. “I respect all of these queens so much more now because I’ve realised I’m on their level,” she says in a confessional, “and now that these lips are open for business, they sure as hell ain’t gonna shut.”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Eight - The Runway

Ru walks down the runway and welcomes the judges - Michelle Visage, Ross Mathews, and tonight’s extra special guest judges, comedian, actor and television host Joel McHale and reality TV superstar Tiffany ‘New York’ Pollard - to the show, before introducing the runway theme: The Morning After the Night Before, in which the queens must show off their best hangover drag (and try not to be sick along the way).

-----

Rafaella Pop’s night out seemingly led to some poor life choices, as her beautiful orange dress is not enough to distract from the herpes sores placed around her mouth. She also has extreme bed hair and a strange bite mark on her neck.

Nicole Lynn Foxx is wearing a figure-hugging black leather dress with seven and a half pepperoni pizza slices stuck to the front. An additional pizza slice is perched precariously on top of her head, and her hands are glued together with molten cheese.

VinChelle struts her stuff in an outfit made out of discarded Chinese takeaway menus, with a bed sheet placed around her shoulders as a kind of shawl. She has a takeaway menu in one hand and a TV remote in the other, clearly having a plan for the rest of the day.

Drü Holiday is wearing a torn white wedding dress, with tyre marks and dried blood dotted about the skirt. She is holding a bouquet of decaying red roses, her bride’s veil is ripped in half, she is missing a shoe and a single black mascara teardrop drips down her face.

Yvie Oddly is giving us walk of shame realness, with flesh-coloured material giving the impression of nudity and a giant clump of frizzy black hair covering her face, like a slutty version of the girl from The Ring.

Lady Boi has gone for a basic-white-girl-at-Halloween theme, with her Harley Quinn cosplay spoiled slightly by smeared makeup, exposed knickers and the remnants of last night’s gyro in her cleavage.

Jessica L’Whor has decided to take the concept to the extreme, and graces the runway in a wheelchair, with a bloody nose, a sprained neck and her leg in a plaster cast. Nonetheless, her face is covered in gold glitter makeup, so she probably had a decent night up to that point.

Honey Davenport, dressed in a blood-soaked silver gown, is serving a night at Studio 54 gone awry, with two thirds of a bloody disco ball sticking out of her afro and yet more blood streaked across her face. Through the pain, she still manages to boogie on down the runway.

Big Dee is going for a drag-queen-in-the-morning look, with a messed-up blonde wig, exaggerated panda eyes, a lopsided breast plate, hairy legs, a visible lack of tuck and a Cuban cigar perched between her lips.

Eva Young wears a couture yellow mini dress and chunky clear perspex high heels, one of which is attached only by her ankle and dragging behind her. Something that looks like chili is cascading down the side of the dress and dripping onto her shoes. There’s Mexican food in her hair.

Valentine Addams, in a backless black dress, tries desperately to scrub off the previous night’s vomit stains with a brush as she walks down the runway. She then bursts into tears as she realises she is unable to clean the mess she has made.

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Nine - The Deliberation

Following the runway, and once Ru has handed out the alka seltzer, the queens are gathered for the judges’ critiques. Ru announces that the queens will be judged in their groups, and that Tiffany has made a decision on which group she preferred. “Team Drü, well done, you guys win,” Tiffany smiles, before adding, “Team Rafaella, you can choke.”

For efficiently leading her team to victory, Ru announces that Drü is the winner of this week’s maxi challenge. “I’m amazed that I won my first challenge so early!” Drü says in a confessional. “If I keep this up, the other queens better beware of Drü Holiday.” For her efforts, Drü wins her own extra special birthday party, supplied by Absolut Vodka, to which Drü gives an eager thumbs up. Ru then congratulates Big Dee, Honey, Jessica, Lady Boi and Yvie on their performances in the challenge and that they’re safe. As Team Drü leaves the stage, pushing Jessica off in her wheelchair as they go, Ru turns to Team Rafaella and informs them that they’re all up for elimination.

The judges begin with team leader Rafaella. “I like that you did something unique on the runway tonight,” Joel observes of her herpes-inspired look, “as long as you don’t plan on kissing me afterwards.” The judges then discuss her leadership skills. “I think Kim Jong Un would tell you take things easy,” Ross says, “especially considering you led your team wildly off track.” Michelle says the fact that Rafaella managed to salvage anything out of the mess she created for her team was nothing short of a miracle, but as team captain, she should still be held responsible for not creating a more comfortable environment for “Don. I mean Tiffany.”

Nicole is next, and Tiffany says that she loved her impromptu dance routine, calling it a highlight of the party. “However,” Michelle adds, “I’m kind of meh about this runway look. It’s a cute concept, but it lacks the level of execution that some of these other girls have undertaken. I’d have wanted an entire dress made out of pizza.” VinChelle, on the other hand, is praised for taking takeaway menus and turning them into an outfit, and Ross mentions that he likes the extra touch of the TV remote. “As long as you’re planning to use it to watch one of my upcoming comedy specials,” he adds. Tiffany praises VinChelle for getting at least one detail right in a room full of baseball memorabilia. “I never thought I’d be so grateful to see a fluffy pink couch.”

“You look stunning in that dress,” Joel tells Eva, but Michelle isn’t so kind. “I don’t think this look works for this theme at all. That dress is beautiful, and that’s the problem,” she says. “You look like a supermodel, and you’re the fashion queen of the season so you always do, but it’s not funny. It’s not over-the-top gross. It’s not imaginative. It’s just pretty, give or take a bit of chili sauce.” Ru asks Eva if she’s afraid to make a fool of herself, to which she replies that she doesn’t see herself as one of the most comically-talented queens of the season, so decided to take a more fashion conscious-approach to the runway rather than taking a risk and going for a look that the judges don’t find as funny as she does. “And at the party, I kind of lost you,” Tiffany admits, going through her notes to try and find a mention of Eva’s name. “You didn’t really get involved. Oh, wait, I did write something. It says ‘she looks pretty’.”

Finally, it’s Valentine’s turn for critique. Joel calls her runway look “quite literally sickening”, but Michelle calls it “basic and not particularly original”. As for the challenge, Tiffany says that she felt Valentine seemed bored, and was wishing that she’d come and talk to her but she never did. This leads Ross to bring up Valentine’s track record. “You seem like such a talented queen,” he says, “but this is the third consecutive week of you being in danger. I hate to say it, but maybe Drag Race isn’t right for you right now.”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Ten - The Deliberation, cont.

Backstage, Team Drü discusses who they think will be in the bottom, with everyone throwing Rafaella’s name into the mix. Team Rafaella then joins them, with Big Dee throwing a balloon at Nicole and a resigned Valentine being comforted by her sisters, especially Eva, as Rafaella learns her lyrics. Once the judges have deliberated, Team Rafaella are called back to the main stage, where Ru has made the necessary decisions.

“VinChelle… you’re safe.”

“Nicole Lynn Foxx, this week, you gave us a pizza your mind… literally. You’re safe.”

“Eva Young, I’m afraid your performance in the challenge was not… in fashion. Valentine Addams, this week, your vomit-inspired outfit left us needing to call... emetic. Rafaella Pop, this week, your Don Mattingly party was less Don Juan, more… Don Lost.”

“...Rafaella Pop, you’re safe.”

Rafaella’s eyes widen and she asks RuPaul to repeat herself, in case she’d misheard the first time. On Ru’s advice, Rafaella leaves the stage and is greeted, mostly warmly, by her slightly shocked fellow queens, leaving Eva Young and Valentine Addams as the bottom two. “I can’t believe that Eva’s there,” Lady Boi says in a confessional. “None of us would have predicted this, not a single one.”

“Two queens stand before me,” Ru continues. “This is your last chance to impress me, and save yourself from elimination.” Valentine says it may be “second time unlucky” for her, but she’s going to have fun no matter what. “I don’t want to have to lip sync against my Chicago girl,” Eva confesses, “but a queen’s gotta do what a queen’s gotta do.”

“The time has come, for you to lip sync, for your life. Good luck, and don't **** it up...”

Episode #4 - Party Like a Mothertucker
Part Eleven - The Lip Sync

https://i.imgur.com/BVrY7aJ.png https://i.imgur.com/Rx1UTPW.png

Eva Young vs. Valentine Addams
Amazing (Hi Fashion)



Both queens manage to briefly hide their emotion and put on a fun show for the judges. The song allows them to adopt characters, and at one point it becomes a competition between Eva and Valentine as to who can play the bigger bitch. Ultimately, Eva’s lip sync is tighter and more focused, her supermodel walks and poses work for her in spite of a lack of extensive dancing, and a moment in which she slips out of her dress to reveal a lace bra and panties seals the deal. Valentine, in comparison, seems to be having a good time dancing about the stage, but it becomes apparent that she’s just making it up as she goes along.

After the lip sync finishes and the queens applaud their two sisters, Ru reveals her decision.

“Eva Young, shantay you stay,” she declares. Eva thanks Ru and goes to hug Valentine. “Show ‘em what you’re made of, girl,” she tells her sister before going to the back of the stage.

“Valentine Addams,” Ru continues. “You’re creepy and you’re kooky, and you’re mysteriously spooky, but girl, you’re part of our family now. Now, sashay away.”

Valentine gives a short speech about what Drag Race has meant to her as an opportunity for going on to even bigger, better things, before high-fiving her fellow queens on the way out and bellowing “CHICAGOOO” as she leaves.

Backstage, Valentine says that she feels bittersweet about her elimination, as she had accepted that it was her time to go, but wishes that she’d somehow managed to stay a little longer to show Ru that there was “more to her than just the chunky goth girl”. She’s stopped in her tracks, however, by the ominous sound of Ru’s voice blaring out of the TV screen. “Don’t lose hope yet, my queen,” it says. “For the race is long.”

“Oh lord, here we go again,” Valentine laughs with more than just a little apprehension in her voice.

To be continued...

Originally Posted by Ammi (Post 9945196) ...Valentine..:sad:..Valentine had her day and sashayed away...I think I might have voted for her to sashay in the survey as well...this is brutal MB...

Originally Posted by MB. (Post 9945400) Who knew a competition between a bunch of men in wigs could get so brutal? :laugh: Glad you're enjoying, even without Valentine

Originally Posted by Ammi (Post 9953084) ..I’m still thinking about Amanda Bang going first...as she was feeling so worthless compared to the other queens anyway...so to be the first sashayed away was awful and brutal..:sad:... ..I think we need an ‘after story’ for them all as well, MB...

Originally Posted by MB. (Post 9929836) Depending on how many responses I get, and also on whether or not my laptop decides to work, the episodes will be every two days or so, meaning this should all be wrapped up in about a month.