Originally Posted by jedward fever (Post 3788494)

im so sorry that happened to you.

Originally Posted by angus58 (Post 3788497)

I'll have a read of that book if I can get a copy because it does seem abusers all seem to use the same modus operandi: divide and conquer - separate and dominate. The key thing is cutting your victim off from any outside support.

I just look upon it now as a bad part of my life that is all in the past - and at the end of the day something good came out of the marriage - my children. The fact I can talk about those events so dispassionately just shows how far I've come:blush: It's almost like they happened to someone else.

Originally Posted by InOne (Post 3788521)

That book if definitely worth a read. It's by Robert Hare. And yeah it's good you're able to look at that as a bad part of your life. Some aren't so lucky really, they dwell and it's ends up eating them inside, they just can't understand how someone is capable of those sort of actions without seeming remotely sorry.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Without-Cons...e=UTF8&s=books

There is that book, a few reviews too.

Originally Posted by angus58 (Post 3788536)

Thanks, have ordered it! Got to say that it was that experience that inspired me to study psychology, an endlessly fascinating subject. I don't see the point of dwelling on events that can't be changed, as there's nothing to gain from being bitter and twisted, life is way too short.

Originally Posted by InOne (Post 3788547)

Yeah, I'm pretty fascinated by the human mind and stuff. Let me know what you think when you've read it!

Originally Posted by angus58 (Post 3788422)

You're spot on there - I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years and yet had always considered myself a very strong, independent and intelligent woman. The abuse was insiduous at first, isolating me from my friends and family bit by bit, moving us away from familiar surroundings where I had a support network, then the verbal abuse, putting me down, insinuating that I was stupid or had no valid opinions, then the emotional and psychological abuse, undermining my self worth and self respect, telling me I was a rubbish mother, wife, daughter, sister etc, keeping me short of housekeeping since I was financially dependent on him having two small children both under 5 years old and no viable means of income, and culminating in physical abuse where I was punched, kicked and finally (the defining moment for me) having a knife held to my throat and telling me he was going to kill me. Many times I forgave him because I knew he had had a dreadful upbringing, having been abandoned by his own mother when he was five, and I made all sorts of excuses for why he was bullying me. But I finally accepted that he could not and would not ever change, and I started to fear for my children rather than myself. The knife incident made me realise just how poisonous our relationship was, and what danger me and my kids were in.

So finally I gathered the last remnants of my dignity and out of sheer self preservation I removed myself and my children from that situation and we went to a shelter from where I gathered the strength to divorce him and move on with my life.

Unless you have been a victim of such a manipulative and psychopathic bully, you cannot believe how difficult it is to get away - he threatened to kill me and the children if we ever left him, and to harm my brothers and their families if I went to them for sanctuary. I spent five years with no contact at all with the rest of my family because I was afraid of what he might do to them. I was also so ashamed that I had brought this monster into all of our lives. I spent years looking over my shoulder and we moved quite frequently so he wouldn't find us. It's only now my sons are grown that I no longer fear him, and I am now happy with someone else.

They do say that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and I would definitely agree. Just don't judge all women in abusive relationships as being weak or stupid, because I am neither, and I'm here to say it could happen to anyone from any cultural, financial, or educational background. There as many upper class battered women as there are working class ones, so don't be too quick to blame the victim.

Originally Posted by icecakes (Post 3788740)

My god angus your story was so moving,your a remarkable woman,to go through all that,and come out the other side,you deserve all the happiness in the world,you should be so proud of yourself.:wavey::wavey::wavey::wavey:

Originally Posted by brian3 (Post 3788207)

and of course everyone loved Thatcher

Originally Posted by angus58 (Post 3788828)

Oh, I'm fine now - when I look back it seems like it all happened to someone else. Bringing the boys up on my own was hard but so very rewarding and they've turned out absolutely fine with no discernible hangups! I guess when you have kids, you don't have time for self pity:hugesmile: The day to day routine thankfully was a relief and so comforting after all those years of walking on eggshells! No-one should ever knock good old boring normality!

Originally Posted by sooty (Post 3788872)

Angus, you are very brave.

I am so pleased you found someone make you happy now.

Originally Posted by icecakes (Post 3788873)

Im so glad ,I hope your boys realise what a wonderful mum they have,

Originally Posted by keithafc (Post 3789117)

No. Not imo anyway.

Originally Posted by brian3 (Post 3789244)

Want I dont get is the fact that women often complain that if a man sleeps around it is ok. But if a woman sleeps around she is a slut. but yet it is women who are the most nasty about women who sleep around. A bit like complaining that you are allergic to chicken. Then going to work at KFC.

Originally Posted by angus58 (Post 3788422)

You're spot on there - I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years and yet had always considered myself a very strong, independent and intelligent woman. The abuse was insiduous at first, isolating me from my friends and family bit by bit, moving us away from familiar surroundings where I had a support network, then the verbal abuse, putting me down, insinuating that I was stupid or had no valid opinions, then the emotional and psychological abuse, undermining my self worth and self respect, telling me I was a rubbish mother, wife, daughter, sister etc, keeping me short of housekeeping since I was financially dependent on him having two small children both under 5 years old and no viable means of income, and culminating in physical abuse where I was punched, kicked and finally (the defining moment for me) having a knife held to my throat and telling me he was going to kill me. Many times I forgave him because I knew he had had a dreadful upbringing, having been abandoned by his own mother when he was five, and I made all sorts of excuses for why he was bullying me. But I finally accepted that he could not and would not ever change, and I started to fear for my children rather than myself. The knife incident made me realise just how poisonous our relationship was, and what danger me and my kids were in.

So finally I gathered the last remnants of my dignity and out of sheer self preservation I removed myself and my children from that situation and we went to a shelter from where I gathered the strength to divorce him and move on with my life.

Unless you have been a victim of such a manipulative and psychopathic bully, you cannot believe how difficult it is to get away - he threatened to kill me and the children if we ever left him, and to harm my brothers and their families if I went to them for sanctuary. I spent five years with no contact at all with the rest of my family because I was afraid of what he might do to them. I was also so ashamed that I had brought this monster into all of our lives. I spent years looking over my shoulder and we moved quite frequently so he wouldn't find us. It's only now my sons are grown that I no longer fear him, and I am now happy with someone else.

They do say that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and I would definitely agree. Just don't judge all women in abusive relationships as being weak or stupid, because I am neither, and I'm here to say it could happen to anyone from any cultural, financial, or educational background. There as many upper class battered women as there are working class ones, so don't be too quick to blame the victim.

Originally Posted by angus58 (Post 3788422)

You're spot on there - I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years and yet had always considered myself a very strong, independent and intelligent woman. The abuse was insiduous at first, isolating me from my friends and family bit by bit, moving us away from familiar surroundings where I had a support network, then the verbal abuse, putting me down, insinuating that I was stupid or had no valid opinions, then the emotional and psychological abuse, undermining my self worth and self respect, telling me I was a rubbish mother, wife, daughter, sister etc, keeping me short of housekeeping since I was financially dependent on him having two small children both under 5 years old and no viable means of income, and culminating in physical abuse where I was punched, kicked and finally (the defining moment for me) having a knife held to my throat and telling me he was going to kill me. Many times I forgave him because I knew he had had a dreadful upbringing, having been abandoned by his own mother when he was five, and I made all sorts of excuses for why he was bullying me. But I finally accepted that he could not and would not ever change, and I started to fear for my children rather than myself. The knife incident made me realise just how poisonous our relationship was, and what danger me and my kids were in.

So finally I gathered the last remnants of my dignity and out of sheer self preservation I removed myself and my children from that situation and we went to a shelter from where I gathered the strength to divorce him and move on with my life.

Unless you have been a victim of such a manipulative and psychopathic bully, you cannot believe how difficult it is to get away - he threatened to kill me and the children if we ever left him, and to harm my brothers and their families if I went to them for sanctuary. I spent five years with no contact at all with the rest of my family because I was afraid of what he might do to them. I was also so ashamed that I had brought this monster into all of our lives. I spent years looking over my shoulder and we moved quite frequently so he wouldn't find us. It's only now my sons are grown that I no longer fear him, and I am now happy with someone else.

They do say that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and I would definitely agree. Just don't judge all women in abusive relationships as being weak or stupid, because I am neither, and I'm here to say it could happen to anyone from any cultural, financial, or educational background. There as many upper class battered women as there are working class ones, so don't be too quick to blame the victim.