QUICK HELP! My iPod is frozed, help me fix it.
 

This bastard frozed when I had it on lock and now it's stuck on ******ing 'Telephone' and it says it's locked and when I plug it into a charger thingy nothing comes up and now it just looks dead on the outside.

WTF is wrong?

I googled and they said to press these 2 buttons the middle and the top one, so I did and fail.

Nothing worked.

I tried throwing it at the wall, punching the screen and then I even ******ing put it in my mouth and tried to bite the screen, so annoying.

What's wrong with it how do I fix it?

woops i didnt read that you pressed them
emm im not sure sorry man :(

Just let the battery run out?

Make sure you aren'tpressing anything else by accident and hold down the top and middle buttons for a bit until the Apple logo appears... Keep trying it sometimes takes mine a few attempts! :)

(make sure "hold" button isn't on too)

Oh and if the middle/top one doesn't work, try all the others with the middle one :)

:joker:

If it wasn't broken before it probably is now.

Have you tried switching it off and switching it on again?

HOLY ******.

I just went to do what happyland said and there was a MASSIVE MASSIVE huge mother ******ing spider just sitting there, Oh my god.

Anyways, I got my iPod and the apple logo was up.
What do I do from here?
It's just black with a white apple and that's it?

Wouldn't go off sadly.

Make sure spider's life is terminated and then just wait.. if nothing happens keep pressing them buttons :D

Don't kill the spider! It's unlucky, (especially for the spider).

Which iPod is it?
Try plugging it into your computer.

My iPod is crying out for power [It's saying connect to power]
So I'm going to run and get it to the nearest power source yeah, Thanks for the help :D

It's a nano by the way ILTRW.

Depends on the size of said spider.. I can live in perfect harmony with reasonable sized ones but those massive ****ing things that appear at this time of year scare the bejesus out of me and have to die I'm afraid!

Try holding the centre and the menu button, that usually resets them.
Edit: just bothered to read the op lol

It's even worse killing a big one. They're like little animals. Keep a jar handy and put them out the back door.

*frozen

and whenever that happens, hold the Menu + click button down until it turns off, then plug it in to charge :)

Microwave... 10-12 minutes.