A joke to lighten the mood
 

It all seems to have got a bit dark and heavy on here lately, so hope this makes you smile.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby and the driver says 'That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen'
The woman sits down and another woman says to her 'You can't let him get away with saying that. Go and tell him off, here I'll hold your monkey for you'.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.

A man is walking along the street with his pet duck in his arms. He sees the cinema and there is a film he really really wants to see. He has to hide the duck so he unzips his pants and pushes the duck in then closes his coat. Next to him in the cinema sit two women. The man gets very warm so he opens his coat and the duck pops his beak out. One of the women says to the other 'Mary the guy next to me has his dick out of his pants' The other woman says 'So what? If you see one you have seen them all' to which her friend replies 'Yes but this one is EATING MY POPCORN'

Is your family tree a cactus?
I just wondered as its full of pricks

That wasn't aimed at the OP,lol.

What's round and covered in sauce?

Jack's belly.

:unsure:

Why did the mouse squeak?

Cause I trod on him babe.

:laugh: Marsh,what you like?

how do you keep a twat in suspense....................ill tell you later

What was Jacks favourite musical insrument at school?.........




The dinner bell

Lol I thought that was the joke!

That gave me the best laugh I've had all day:laugh::laugh:

Awww thanks jen. Its my favourite joke. Its good that I had to type it though cos I cant TELL a joke to save my life lol

i used to think my dog was thick.........but she's quite good at maths

if i put 3 biscuits in my pocket ......feed her 2 she knows there is another

one in my pocket..........

Mark L

What tastes salty and mildly sweet, but costs a lot to buy?

What d'you call a Russian prostitute?.....

What's simple and doesn't speak back?

I know what you mean. I usually forget where I'm going halfway through.:laugh:

Love it:laugh:

So so true.

It's funny cause he's fat.

Two Irish men looking for a job , come across a sign saying Tree Fellers wanted, Mick says to Paddy " Aw,shame there's only two of us" !!!!

A man walks into a Chinese take away.

' I would like some duck' he said
'Hasahhhhhhhhhhhhhha' the Chinese guy says 'We have no duck'
'I would like some duck please ' the man persisted
'Fasahhhhhhhhhhhhhha' the Chinese guy says 'We HAVE no duck'
The man is more than pissed off now and a bit drunk so he says again
'I want SOME DUCK'
'Hasahhhhhhhhhhhhh' The Chines guy says 'We play a little game. Now, take the C out of CHIPS what you got?'
'Hips' said the customer
'Very good' The Chinese man smiles 'Now take the R out of RICE what you got?'
'Ice' said the customer
'Very very good' The Chinese man said 'NOW take the F out of Duck what you got?'
The customer thinks for a second then says
'There is no F IN DUCK
'EXACTLY' the Chinese guy says. 'Now **** off'

( I like me duck jokes haha)