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Scene: The Beau Vista Nursing Home

Two old ladies are sitting outside, having a crafty smoke out of sight of the matron.

Agnes: I hold with this new NO SMOKING carry on in the home. Fancy having to sit out here like a couple of boys behind the bike sheds!

Miriam: I know but at least they can't stop us out here.

Agnes: I don't believe it. Now it's started to rain!

With that, she put down her cigarette, picked up her handbag, rummaged around and pulled out a condom and a pair of scissors. She cut off the end of the condom and put it over her cigarette, and then continued to smoke.

Miriam: What on earth is that you've got there Agnes?

Agnes: It's a condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Miriam: That's a handy thing. Can I have one?

Agnes: Sorry Miriam, that was my last one.

Miriam: Oh well, never mind. Where can I get some from?

Agnes: Well, they do sell them at the chemist.

Miriam: Thanks a lot Agnes, I'll have to go down and get myself some of those!

The next day, Miriam hobbles into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.The man is a little embarrassed, looks at her (she is, after all, over 80 years of age) and asks quietly and very delicately:

Chemist: Are you sure Madam, that you meant to ask for condoms?

Miriam: I certainly am, young man, and there's no need to whisper. I am too old to be embarassed by something like that. All I know is it's something I've always enjoyed. I started when I was 14 and I don't see any point in stopping now.

Chemist: Of course Madam, absolutely. I do aplologise. Now what brand do you prefer?

Miriam: Doesn't matter sonny, as long they fit a Camel.

:shocked::shocked::shocked::shocked:

Fot those too young to know:
http://www.superbmarket.net/sample/s...ages/camel.jpg

P.S. I am NOT encouraging you all to smoke. As Miriam and Agnes know, it's not big and it's not clever.