I liked it, good opening. I would liked it to be a bit more chatty.
I'd change this "Why do we do this? We do this to protect ourselves; it’s a natural instinct. "
To something like;
Why do we do this? Maybe it's a natural instinct to protect ourselves, or maybe it's to simplify our hectic lives, or give us some control over who we encounter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mathews220
I'm fully aware of it's probably utter crap.
|
Also try and not put things like this with your writing.
And I hope I don't seem too bossy. I think what you wrote was evocative and has potential.