Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicky.
See IMO, it is also disfiguring to give her a boob job, even more so really. The suregery to do that would be MUCH more invasive, dangerous, and last much longer. She would end up with bad scarring on here back, and take months to recover from the random grafts that they would need to do. Removing the 'healthy' breast would also eradicate her risk of being in the same situation in the future too. As the kind of cancer she had ONLY affects the breast (to begin with, it can however spread to ribs etc while its there, quite hard to explain)...its not like where you get say lung cancer, get a lung removed and then it pops up in your brain (as happened with my grandad) or however other cancers tend to work. She is also going through a chemical menopause, as the kind she has grows with female hormones...but if it does appear in the other breast during this time, even this is for nothing :/
The actual size was a watermelon. First she was told pea, and that she would need a minor operation which she had. During this time she also had something removed from her armpit, as apparently it usually spreads there too. Then she was told it must be a little bit bigger (plum, this time) and that she would need another small operation, which again she had. Then got told it was huge and she would need a masectomy and that it might even have spread to her ribs and muscle. I know they make mistakes, but I find it extremely hard to believe that with all the technology they have they could mistake something as large as a watermelon for something tiny.
This is what shes trying to do at the moment. First appointment with GP didnt go too well but she says shes not giving up until she gets the answer she wants.
Its such a horrid situation to be in, because I have my mum at me in one ear about how mad she is about it all, while I have my sister getting hysterical at the thought that my mum might not have had the surgery if she knew what was going to happen, and that she might have died because of not having the surgery :S
I CAN see both sides, I mean, I would have been mad at my mum, but respected her choice at the same time, had she refused surgery and died like next year. But there is still the chance that she could have been alive and well in 15 years time or something. And tbh, at the moment Im thinking I would rather her have took the risk than see her as upset as she is right now.
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Re disfiguring: she needed the surgery: that was inevitable and reconstruction was a choice given that mum chose (and I understand why, having a friend who chose the same route) - and yes, you are right that additional surgery to healthy breast tissue would have caused additional 'disfigurement'.
I think mum is perhaps being too focused on the size of the unhealthy tissue : it makes no difference in reality to the situation: the unhealthy tissue had to be removed regardless - that's the bottom line and in doing so: that would have resulted in scarring / disfigurement - in the most gentle of ways; mum needs to come to terms with that.
I so understand mum's pov - I do - but I also see a surgeon who has (let's be brutal here)... trying to put her life at the forefront - rather than putting mum through a longer / subsequent op - which poses further dangers to her.
It's one hellish situation all round: and for reasons that I am not prepared to go into on here: I do seriously feel for your mum as I imagine part of her anger that she's feeling - is possibly masking a certain degree of fear as well as her trying to illicit some 'control' over something that she has no control over (ie: the cancerous tissue/ cancer within) and that may (not saying it is, just saying it 'may') be manifesting itself in the form of 'anger'........ which mum might think it directed towards the initial 'size situ' / the surgeon situ: when in fact, her anger could be subconsciously: be more from being hit with this most godawful of diseases. Does that make sense? Mum needs to feel as though she has some control of this and that way she is perceiving that: is through her anger at what has happened via this 'non surgery'.....
I really do feel for your mum - and all of you. Perhaps mum needs to concentrate more on 'now - and her future' and how she can spin this around on a more positive note? I know that will be hard - she's had a damn lot to go through of recent times; as have her loved ones too.
This is going to sound brutal and I cannot apologise enough for what I am going to say: please, please do not take this the wrong way: but perhaps mum would benefit from speaking to those in a similar type situation: a support group for victims of breast cancer?