[Ashley.]

Merry Christmas Benjamin x



I was going to wait, but with your track record of disappearing acts and the possibility that you may not see this before Christmas, I suppose the earlier the better. Since you're not on here enough for me to know you better, I took it upon myself to stalk your profile to see what you're interests are. I am now scarred, and campaigning for your ban. (Only joking, I'm not scarred. But I'm still campaigning for your ban, because you're a bungle****)

Spoiler:

I suppose we should start with the most important thing I take into consideration when spending Christmas with a man that I definitely plan on leaving come Winter's end as I become less susceptible to the feeling of loneliness and the cold. That of course, is their balls.



They sometimes come served with a fine slice of meat. This is a preferable option.

Spoiler:

Secondly, I've knitted you a little something...



It's a potato.

Spoiler:

I had to change this one because I thought you were from New Zealand - I had quite the hilarious joke and now you'll never get to see it. I did however find out that you were from Bristol. But let's not shout it out; instead, let's stick you in a T-shirt that eliminates all existing evidence of you being a Bristolian. It's for the best.

Spoiler:

Finally I'll leave you with a famous quote, and probably the most important thing to think about when you're off on your travels:

Spoiler:

Merry Christmas.