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Old 14-04-2018, 01:46 PM #423
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Epic. Epic. is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 20,965
Epic. Epic. is offline
Senior Member
Epic.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 20,965
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Seeing as I've got past his eviction, here's a chunk of true gems many people seem to forget :

Quote:
Bea: -to Marcus- DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW -storms off into bathroom-
Marcus: -turns to Charlie- ...Were we not having a nice talk about Girls Aloud till she came in?
Quote:
After David has to guess between 4 women to find out which one is Marcus' mum:
David: She was quite short, very nice hairstyle, blondish.
Marcus: Hm?
David: Is she quite short Marcus? What size would ya say she is in clothing?
Marcus: Very small and skinny.
David: I think I've got it then.
Marcus: Load-a WANKERS bringing my mother in. She should be doin some FACKING work somewhere. Skiving off work the lazy bastard! This is HILARIOUS OLD MINGEBAG.
Quote:
Bea: Marcus what would you do if I just went and stole your drink from your drawer?
Marcus: I WOULD PISS ON YOUR HEAD WHILST YOU SLEPT.
Quote:
Bea: MARCUS? WE'VE GOT MAGAZINES IN. WITH THINGS ABOUT US. THERE'S AN ARTICLE SAYING: 'FREDDIE something-something BONKERS BEA?'
Marcus:
Bea: BONKERS BEA?
Marcus: BASTARD BEA.
Bea: I'M NOT BLOODY BOOONKERS.
Marcus: BASTARD BLOODY MINGEBAG ARSEHOLE FACKING ARSEHOLE BEA.
Quote:
-Marcus is in the diary room-
Marcus, who do you think will be evicted tonight?
Marcus: Could Not Give A Fuck... That is who I think will be evicted.
......If you were to be evicted tonight, do you think the house would be lacking anything next week?
Marcus: Obviously? The irrepressible fucking dark horse. This programme would go to shit, it would go from FIVE stars to HALF a star in a matter of... 10 seconds! Because as soon as I've done my bloody interview with Davina McCall, people will have NO further reason to switch on their television sets on Channel 4 at 9 o'clock.
Could you elaborate on what 'the irrepressible dark horse' brings to the house?
Marcus: He brings wit, humour, rugged good looks, athleticism, grotesque muscularity, he washes plants, he changes bins, he does washing up, he sleeps in the corner, he whistles, he makes crude and ill-witted jokes, he has superior fashion sense, beautiful sideburns and lovely long hair, he's generous, benevolent, heroic, MACHO--
Anything else?
Marcus: Plenty of other things but You Don't Not Got The Time to listen to them all. Oh Hell No Not Neither. The irrepressible dark horse... the hundred percent man... the ULTIMATE Z-list celebrity....
Quote:
-Most of the housemates are in the living room, talking about Bea-
Sophie: She's really got nice eyes and stuff.
Lisa: Yeah she's a pretty girl.
Marcus: I didn't think she was pretty? I don't think she was pretty not at all! I didn't think she was? I think she looked kinda weird...
Sophie: Marcus that's a horrible thing to say about someone
Marcus: SHE DID. She got like long arms like a... plant. C'mon, she had big massive legs and a REALLY skinny long trunk and big long arms -stretches arms out-
Rodrigo: No Marcus she was very pretty she had very nice smile.
Marcus: She's a PUPPET.
Siavash: Marcus leave the girl alone please.
Marcus: She looked like a facking puppet...
Quote:
Charlie and Siavash: *argue in front of Marcus*
Marcus: *walks outside* There's only one thing to do in this situation... *points forward*
David: ...graveyard shift?
Marcus: The fucking graveyard shift Listening to that fucking cack all night *sulks off to corner with duvet*
Quote:
Hello Marcus. Big Brother has called you to the diary room to give you the opportunity to win some money towards the winner's prize fund.
Marcus: Mmm...
Marcus, Big Brother will add £10,000 to the prize fund if you allow one of your fellow housemates to cut off your ponytail.
Marcus: FUCK. Off.
Is that your final answer Marcus?
Marcus: Yes. Cram it up your Scabby Fat Arse.
Marcus, Big Brother is prepared to up the offer... to £11,000 how does that sound?
Marcus: SHIT...it's not gonna happen so just open the door.
£12,000, Marcus?
Marcus: Boring... One, Million, Pounds
How about £13,000, Marcu--
Marcus: --How about one million pounds and a popular German sports car?
Marcus, would you prepared to allow one of your fellow housemates to cut off your ponytail for £13,000??
Marcus: Foooor one million pounds and a popular German sports car!
You drive a very hard bargain Marcus. But, Big Brother will offer you £14,000 towards the prize fund in exchange for your ponytail.
Marcus: One. MILLION. Pounds.
Marcus... Big Brother's FINAL offer is...... £15,000.
Marcus: I will say it now... I want you to listen very carefully so there's no mix-up... You can Go. And Get. Fucked.
Quote:
This is Big Brother, w--
Marcus: --OHH SHUT THE FUCK UP YA GREAT BIG BASTARD.
Quote:
You must create an effigy of Big Brother using this recycling...
Marcus: Oh that's easy you could just draw a pile of faeces...
Quote:
Davina: A lot of people were offended by your attitude, in particular I think towards women. I mean, with the Big Brother men you were one way but with the Big Brother women sometimes it was a bit below the belt because, just made me a bit uncomfortable. What would you say to that?
Marcus: It's bollocks.
Quote:
'I wonder how many women pretend their husbands are ME when they have sex with them!'
Quote:
'I think I could pretty much eat a brick and my stomach acid would dissolve it.'
Quote:
Marcus: -reads instructions- 'The strong men and women must pull a truck with approximately 4 tonnes?' That's NOTHING I could do that with my bell end

Last edited by Epic.; 14-04-2018 at 01:48 PM.
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