[Redway]

Beyond the whole thing about the woman taking on her husband’s surname, how common do people think a woman actually becoming part of her husband’s family (but obviously never the other way round) is in this day and age?

[Niamh.]

I don't really understand what you mean (a part from taking the name)

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

I don't really understand what you mean (a part from taking the name)

I’m going back to that old-school concept of the woman leaving her old family and becoming part of her husband’s (beyond taking on the man’s surname). You know how it used to be said that a woman married into her husband’s family if you know what I mean.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

I’m going back to that old-school concept of the woman leaving her old family and becoming part of her husband’s (beyond taking on the man’s surname). You know how it used to be said that a woman married into her husband’s family if you know what I mean.

Nah I don't really know what you mean It's not like you go live with his family? Surely they just become inlaws like the wifes family are to the husband?

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

Nah I don't really know what you mean It's not like you go live with his family? Surely they just become inlaws like the wifes family are to the husband?

Like I say it’s old-skool but there’s still that expectation sometimes.

Maybe it’s partly a cultural thing. Obviously not here but in other parts of the world the man pays brideprice for the woman and she moves into his house.

It’s more low-key in these parts but it still happens to a certain extent (in my opinion). I remember someone saying re. EastEnders that Stacey’s the only Slater he likes “but then she’s a Fowler now.” You can see that that implies something beyond just taking on his surname. She’s meant to adapt to her husband’s family more than her ‘old’ family. It still happens low-key.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

Like I say it’s old-skool but there’s still that expectation sometimes.

Maybe it’s partly a cultural thing. Obviously not here but in other parts of the world the man pays brideprice for the woman and moves into his house.

It’s more low-key in these parts but it still happens to a certain extent (in my opinion). I remember someone saying re. EastEnders that Stacey’s the only Slater he likes “but then she’s a Fowler now.” You can see that that implies something beyond just taking on his surname. She’s meant to adapt to her husband’s family more than her ‘old’ family. It still happens low-key.

That just sounds like a name thing tbf

I've certainly never encountered anything like you're describing in my lifetime

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Nah I don't really know what you mean It's not like you go live with his family? Surely they just become inlaws like the wifes family are to the husband?

Same here, Niamh. I did not even know of this concept. To me, my wife took my surname following tradition, but she was not forced to, and we set up a home together.

Her parents became my 'in-laws' and my parents became hers.

(Ooops - just noticed that this is a resurrected old thread.)

[Cal.]

It's usually the man who marries into the woman's family really. That's what my dad did anyway. We don't really see my dad's family.

[Crimson Dynamo]

there are odd people who call their inlaws mum and dad

[smudgie]

Depends entirely on the individuals.
I loved my mother in law, not fussed on father in law.
Loved and adored my father, not too fussed on mother.
Extended family know rest of family etc.

[Wizard.]

In Spain they have double barrell, I believe they have their Father's surname and their Mother's maiden name, and if they become married they add their husband's surname onto that e.g. Martina (first name) Rodriguez (fathers surname) Lopez (mothers maiden name) de Garcia (husbands surname)

Martina Rodriguez Lopez de Garcia. That's a mouthful!

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Mariah Christmas

In Spain they have double barrell, I believe they have their Father's surname and their Mother's maiden name, and if they become married they add their husband's surname onto that e.g. Martina (first name) Rodriguez (fathers surname) Lopez (mothers maiden name) de Garcia (husbands surname)

Martina Rodriguez Lopez de Garcia. That's a mouthful!

They don't take the husbands name when they marry (according to my Spanish, Spanish teacher ) they keep their double barrell mother + father name, then if they have kids the kids take the first surname name of both parents

[bots]

It did used to be much more than a name change it was the husbands family taking over looking after the welfare of the wife. Not sure about other cultures but its hardly mentioned now

[Redway]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

It did used to be much more than a name change it was the husbands family taking over looking after the welfare of the wife. Not sure about other cultures but its hardly mentioned now

Exactly. I know we’re part of an enlightened era but we can’t pretend that certain things never happened even 30 years ago.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Redway

Exactly. I know we’re part of an enlightened era but we can’t pretend that certain things never happened even 30 years ago.

Not in my family, equality all the way.
Even my mother and grandmother would not be dictated too.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

It did used to be much more than a name change it was the husbands family taking over looking after the welfare of the wife. Not sure about other cultures but its hardly mentioned now

The husbands family looking after the wife in what way though? People got married to each Other and lived together, I'm really confused by what you mean by that.

[user104658]

IMO it more often happens the other way around - females (in general, of course) maintain stronger links with their family after leaving home than a lot of men do, and so after marriage / kids, it tends to be the maternal extended family that's more involved. . That's the way I've seen it work in the majority of cases, anyway.

[bots]

Originally Posted by Toy Santa

IMO it more often happens the other way around - females (in general, of course) maintain stronger links with their family after leaving home than a lot of men do, and so after marriage / kids, it tends to be the maternal extended family that's more involved. . That's the way I've seen it work in the majority of cases, anyway.

its a throw back to when women were house wives. They didnt have an income and were therefore entirely reliant on the husband.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

its a throw back to when women were house wives. They didnt have an income and were therefore entirely reliant on the husband.

Financially maybe but I don't see how that means they were in his family. I still find this thread really sexist

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristmasNeeve

Financially maybe but I don't see how that means they were in his family. I still find this thread really sexist

Like I say these aren’t my views. I’m just highlighting something that hasn’t been completely faded out even in 2018.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Redway

Like I say these aren’t my views. I’m just highlighting something that hasn’t been completely faded out even in 2018.

But you still haven't explained what you mean by joining his family and not the other way around

[MTVN]

Originally Posted by Toy Santa

IMO it more often happens the other way around - females (in general, of course) maintain stronger links with their family after leaving home than a lot of men do, and so after marriage / kids, it tends to be the maternal extended family that's more involved. . That's the way I've seen it work in the majority of cases, anyway.

I'd say I see more of that as well and so it seems to be men who complain more about the in laws being too interfering etc. unless I just spend more time in male company so have a skewed view of it

[DemolitionRed]

In a lot of Sikh, Hindu or Muslim households, including and especially those in the UK, its often marital tradition for the bride to move in with her new father/mother-inlaw. In fact, during these antiquated wedding ceremonies, the bride is expected to weep as she says goodbye to her parents. Its also traditional for the brides father to pay for the entire wedding.

Fortunately, more and more women are refusing to go along with these ridiculous traditions. Give it time and it will all die out.

[Northern Monkey]

Yeah I don’t think any indigenous westerners actually think that when the father gives the bride away that they’re literally giving her away and they won’t see her again
It’s just part of the ceremony from the times when men were the only bread winners and had to look after the wife financially.People like the traditional wedding still.

[Marsh.]

Tbh, in recent weddings I've been to more and more weddings where the bride walks down the aisle alone.

Like she's followed by her brides maids and flower girls but she doesn't link arms with a man going down the aisle.