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Jords · 16-03-2010, 11:46 PM

Hey guys. I have a friend who I would consider as my best friend but I think he might be borderlining anorexia.

He used to be a bit chubby, but he decided to stop having cantine meals and go to the gym once or twice a week at lunchtimes at school, and got himself looking good. But for a while now hes been going to the gym every lunch, after school and at weekends, and once or twice a week avoids lunch due to having 'a big breakfast' or 'feeling sick'. He did not have lunch today or yesturday either, so missing lunch has been on the increase, and I dont think he is having much else at home tbh. I only ever see him when hes in the same lesson as me too because hes obsessed with losing weight at the gym as he claims he is 'fat' when he is FAR from it.

He is now really skinny that the centre of his chest goes inwards, and although he goes to the gym a lot hes not muscular as he is not eating so his body must be too weak to form big muscles? Anyway, Ive pointed it out to him that he has gotta stop the obsession and that hes being stupid about it, and should spend less time at the gym and go back to being more social. But he gets a bitter now and when I tell him hes making himself look ill he just says 'And your better?', rude but anyway.

Not sure what else to do, so just thought if anybody has something to suggest that I could do or say to him it would be useful because I want to help him but nothing seems to have changed his attitude towards it yet.

Not sure why he became so obsessed btw, he gets a bit big headed at times and as he excels academically he could be trying to be the best at everything else or to just prove that hes cool by doing sporty things. And I know he got rejected by a girl recently which may have added to it, but yeah, he looks pretty much anorexic now and very pale.

Beastie · 16-03-2010, 11:51 PM

I am not quite sure what you should do Jords. :S

Maybe you should have a bag of pork scratchings and offer him a pork scratching? He needs some meat down him!

Anorexics all want to be "in control". That is a reason why they do this to themselves!

Princess · 16-03-2010, 11:52 PM

He does sound like he has a problem. You're doing good telling him things like that,sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. See if any more of your friends or even a teacher would say something to him because it will have more impact if there's a lot of you.A lot of the time it's not about the person thinking they're fat,it's about controlling something they can if the rest of their live sucks so that might be something to do with it. Anorexia is a disease,when you're in you don't realise it,so just try and get him so help,that's all you can do.

Beastie · 16-03-2010, 11:56 PM

Yeah Jords I would be honest and tell him that you think he has a problem because he is not really eating. Also ask him why he has gone to the extreme and not eating!

Jords · 17-03-2010, 12:03 AM

I do bring it up when he doesnt come to the cantine at all with my other mates, 2 of them just sorta keep quiet on the matter but there is 1 who thinks the same as I do. I havnt said that much to him about it, just brought it up at times but he gets defensive so its like ugh. And the lad who thinks the same as me wouldnt say anything to him I dont think, so its just me lol, but Ill ask if he would Laura. Today I said 'No lunch again?' and he replied quick 'No feel sick', and I said sure but maybe you feel sick because your starving yourself. But he then didnt say anything. :/

And I would bring pork scratchings or something to give him Beasty but he wouldnt eat it, would just go nah Im fine. Ive offered him money before but he refuses.

Beastie · 17-03-2010, 12:07 AM

It sounds a bit drastic Jords.. I think you should tell your parents about it. Also maybe.. erm tell your friend he actually already looks good. Focus on positive things about him and maybe he might realise to loosen up? Some can be indenial unfortunately.

Jords · 17-03-2010, 12:11 AM

Ive mentioned it to my mum, dont really see what she can do though as my parents dont see any of my friends' parents, but she disagrees with what hes doing. Maybe I could talk to his mum somehow?

Though he might get angry with me for doing so...

Well his grades are all A's and A*'s so I tell him hes amazing like that, and I say he looked better before it became too much. I wont say he looks great now though because he doesnt and it may encourage him to carry on.

Princess · 17-03-2010, 12:14 AM

You should definitely try and talk to his mum somehow. He may be mad at you but it will be best for him in the long run.

30stone · 17-03-2010, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jords

He is now really skinny that the centre of his chest goes inwards, and although he goes to the gym a lot hes not muscular as he is not eating so his body must be too weak to form big muscles? Anyway, Ive pointed it out to him that he has gotta stop the obsession and that hes being stupid about it, and should spend less time at the gym and go back to being more social. But he gets a bitter now and when I tell him hes making himself look ill he just says 'And your better?', rude but anyway.

Thats to do with the type of training he does i guess its not weightlifting, but yeah if hes not eating he wont get anywhere...

But yeah sounds like hes going a bit far with it, saying that, how you desricbed him, there is loads of skinny guys like that usually emo guys who are very skinny and are fine.

Hard to judge without knowing / seeing someone..

Jords · 17-03-2010, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 30stone

Thats to do with the type of training he does i guess its not weightlifting, but yeah if hes not eating he wont get anywhere...

But yeah sounds like hes going a bit far with it, saying that, how you desricbed him, there is loads of skinny guys like that usually emo guys who are very skinny and are fine.

Hard to judge without knowing / seeing someone..

Does a lot of running running running. But in the gym he will do a bit of everything. So yeah guess he wont get muscles anyway if hes not focusing on weightlifting.

Being skinny is ok, sometimes being too skinny makes you look ill. But the main problem is that he is not eating and I think instead of just looking ill he actually could become very ill due to it.

30stone · 17-03-2010, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jords

Does a lot of running running running. But in the gym he will do a bit of everything. So yeah guess he wont get muscles anyway if hes not focusing on weightlifting.

Being skinny is ok, sometimes being too skinny makes you look ill. But the main problem is that he is not eating and I think instead of just looking ill he actually could become very ill due to it.

Possibly, he could start feeling weak and tired with lack of sugar.
And without all the nutrients it wont be working properly..

When people diet they really need to learn how a diet works before they start, not just stop eating, can be dangerous. Surprised his parents let him.

Jords · 17-03-2010, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 30stone

Possibly, he could start feeling weak and tired with lack of sugar.
And without all the nutrients it wont be working properly..

When people diet they really need to learn how a diet works before they start, not just stop eating, can be dangerous. Surprised his parents let him.

He changed from having cantine meals to 2 of these chicken wrap things his mum made and a piece of fruit, but passed month + its been nothing or when he does bring something in its either just 1 of these chicken wrap things (and they are only small), or an apple.

Hmm me either, his mum is quite a large lass aswell. I know when he changed to just eating the chicken wrap things he went to the toilets after and I had wondered if he was making himself sick, followed him in a couple of times to check and he was in the cubicles. I had left before he had gotten out so not to appear like a stalker lmao, but he coulda just been having a number 2..

Crimson Dynamo · 17-03-2010, 08:32 AM

If you can ascertain what he does eat that would give you a clue to whether he was anorexic. If he is eating mostly non calorific/fat items (salad, tuna etc) then that would be a worry with excessive exercise. How is his relationship with his mother?

How often is he weighing himself?

Jords · 17-03-2010, 05:20 PM

Yeah he is strictly healthy foods now LT, didnt eat anything again today. Told him that starving yourself is not good but he insists he is fine and says that I dont know what he eats at home. Hardly anything is the answer but meh, another friend noticed he hadnt been eating and suggested that he may hand in a note to the school nurse about it and see if she could talk some sense into him.

Thanks for the replys guys.

Braden · 17-03-2010, 05:24 PM

If you feel it is a problem,then I think you should talk to him about it.

Enid · 17-03-2010, 05:33 PM

Have a word with his parents about it. That's all you can really do. Trying to get through to anybody with that mentality is like talking to a brick wall. It's useless.

Crimson Dynamo · 18-03-2010, 09:02 AM

try walking with him over some storm drains. If he slips down one then repeat this is a sarcastic tone

"NOW WILL YOU BELIEVE ME?"

teamandre · 18-03-2010, 09:18 AM

maybe go to the gym with him see what he does and just spend some time with him see how much he really eats then sit down ands talk to him if he doesnt listen tell him he needs help and take him to some one that can give him advice

Tom · 18-03-2010, 09:36 AM

He might just be ectomorphic, ie can't put weight on (whether fat or muscle) but no trouble losing it. Those types of people can just eat and eat and eat and not show any signs of gaining weight, especially if he goes to the gym. When he started going to the gym did he ever get bigger or did he just go skinny?