[the truth]

This has been doing my head in for about 6 months, but its probably been going on longer

my relative is 14

she was acting strange not talking as much as getting way uptight about getting certain stuff like new clothes, an expensive school holiday (theyve been on several over the past few years) she got more arrogant too , spending less time with her family. also getting more into twitter and getting really obsessive about a few celebrities....shes an amazing amazing person. dark humoured, brilliantly intelligent, greta musician can play umpteen instruments....she went on a music holiday 2 years ago and Ive never seen her so happy....I think shes idealistic and cant come to terms with the sad fact some people hate just for the sake of it

now this crew of grade A biatches who were supposedly friends are goingout of their way to isolate her, shes overheard them asking other girls in class (her friends) if they like her, they've started filming her around school and laughing at her, they copy her quotes from twitter and take her seat in class, they all group together and refuse to sit next to her in the dinner canteen and generally ignore her all the time unless theyre laughing at her....she refused to go to school for 10 days in june....

shes always been top of the class, she has a passion for many things , history, music, maths, writing, art, religious studies, etc

im worried a bit, when they were filming her, I thought to film them back was an option, when they bully her Id happily go and speak to her teacher but she doesn't want to do that yet....I love this kid more than I can express.

any suggestions

[Ninastar]

filming her without consent is as i'm aware of, illegal and they could get into serious sh*t for that.

it's a horrible situation to be in, my sister was in a similar position and really didnt want my mum to go to teachers, but she had to in the end. they were pretty helpful. she didnt have to in the classes with the people who were horrible to her and teachers kept an eye out to see if they would hear anything.

i know you probably didnt want to hear that, but it's my best advice

[Gstar]

She needs to comfront them and stand up for herself, bullies usually find non-retaliation as a form of weakness at first so it's best if she nips it in the bud now. This sounds like a horrible form of jealousy though, poor thing she's only 14

[GypsyGoth]

I agree with Caitlin, informing the teachers is a better way of handling it than just hoping they will pick on another target.

[Kizzy]

My daughter went through a similar thing funnily at the same age, it's difficult to advise as the relationships between schoolgirls are constantly in a state of flux... What is catastrophic today may be excellent tomorrow.
I would make the year head aware, and tell her not to internalise any anger or frustration and show you are all supportive and there for her should she need you.
Don't worry, 9 times out of 10 these friendship problems work themselves out.

[Marsh.]

Get her to watch Mean Girls.

[the truth]

Originally Posted by 08marsh

Get her to watch Mean Girls.

what happens in that

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by the truth

what happens in that

All the Meanies get their comeuppance, might help release some tension by laughing at similar situations (obviously exaggerated) in a movie.

[the truth]

Originally Posted by Ninastar

filming her without consent is as i'm aware of, illegal and they could get into serious sh*t for that.

it's a horrible situation to be in, my sister was in a similar position and really didnt want my mum to go to teachers, but she had to in the end. they were pretty helpful. she didnt have to in the classes with the people who were horrible to her and teachers kept an eye out to see if they would hear anything.

i know you probably didnt want to hear that, but it's my best advice

thanks

[Kizzy]

Marsh, I love that skirt! Wherever did you get it?...

[Verbal]

I don't think its illegal to film someone without their consent unless they're on/in private property.

I was bullied right the way through school nobody even spoke to me during my entire time in Junior school.

Kids can be absolutely horrible and absolutely love it when their victim shows weakness. If it was my child I would tell them to do as I did and stand up to them. I can tell you from personal experience that these kids pick on kids that don't stick up for themselves, if you do they tend to get bored.
I would have kids constantly throwing insults at me, especially at Comprehensive school and I would basically just get into a slanging match with them, being the naturally sarcastic person that I am that was easy for me to do, and they ended up sort of respecting me for it. As a result of that a few of them eventually became sort of minders, and I witnessed on at least one occassion one of them beating the crap out of another one for having a go at me.
Does she have older children at the school that are relatives or close friends that have a bit of an intimidating streak to them? Get them to 'have a word'.

1. The law

Some forms of bullying are illegal and should be reported to the police. These include:

violence or assault
theft
repeated harassment or intimidation, eg name calling, threats and abusive phone calls, emails or text messages
hate crimes

https://www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school

[Kizzy]

Cyber bullying is taken very seriously I think, if she has any evidence of this I would screenshot it and print it off to show the school.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by the truth

This has been doing my head in for about 6 months, but its probably been going on longer

my relative is 14

she was acting strange not talking as much as getting way uptight about getting certain stuff like new clothes, an expensive school holiday (theyve been on several over the past few years) she got more arrogant too , spending less time with her family. also getting more into twitter and getting really obsessive about a few celebrities....shes an amazing amazing person. dark humoured, brilliantly intelligent, greta musician can play umpteen instruments....she went on a music holiday 2 years ago and Ive never seen her so happy....I think shes idealistic and cant come to terms with the sad fact some people hate just for the sake of it

now this crew of grade A biatches who were supposedly friends are goingout of their way to isolate her, shes overheard them asking other girls in class (her friends) if they like her, they've started filming her around school and laughing at her, they copy her quotes from twitter and take her seat in class, they all group together and refuse to sit next to her in the dinner canteen and generally ignore her all the time unless theyre laughing at her....she refused to go to school for 10 days in june....

shes always been top of the class, she has a passion for many things , history, music, maths, writing, art, religious studies, etc

im worried a bit, when they were filming her, I thought to film them back was an option, when they bully her Id happily go and speak to her teacher but she doesn't want to do that yet....I love this kid more than I can express.

any suggestions

...if you're really worried, then you can go to the Headteacher but don't let your niece..(I'm not sure if it is a niece..?..) know and also make it known to the Head that you would just like the school to watch out for the situation/keep a close eye but very discreetly because being confrontational or obvious in any way could cause more problems for your niece..schools usually understand that...but if she could confide in a grown up at the school, that may be helpful but I know that's difficult and quite scary for her as well...it's also difficult for you to make a decision to speak to someone without her knowledge because she might resent that if/when she finds out...will you let us know how she's doing with this..if it gets resolved..?...

[Verbal]

Originally Posted by Ammi

...if you're really worried, then you can go to the Headteacher but don't let your niece..(I'm not sure if it is a niece..?..) know and also make it known to the Head that you would just like the school to watch out for the situation/keep a close eye but very discreetly because being confrontational or obvious in any way could cause more problems for your niece..schools usually understand that...but if she could confide in a grown up at the school, that may be helpful but I know that's difficult and quite scary for her as well...it's also difficult for you to make a decision to speak to someone without her knowledge because she might resent that if/when she finds out...will you let us know how she's doing with this..if it gets resolved..?...

That's good advice, I had it confirmed after finishing comprehensive that the teachers were told to keep an eye on me when I first started. They were like secret agents hiding in the shadows.

In our school canteen one side of the entire wall was a glass window, I was in there one day as a first year and a 5th year came up to me demanding that I am in his seat and I am to get up for him. I actually started to get up to leave, but he was stood behind me and as I rose, my head connected with his chin and he was flat out on the floor. My eyes glanced by the window and there was a Deputy Head standing outside nearly doubled over laughing. Oddly that boy spent the rest of the year being extremely nice to me.

[zakman440]

Try to talk to the head, but do not let anyone find out. I got assulted outside of school, had a meeting with the head and got transfered to another school. It was for the best, and I came out a better person.

[thesheriff443]

take this as read!, the situation will not get better only worse, you are dealing with a gang of bullies, that are going out of their way to cause distress to your niece.

you must take this very seriously.
first thing, get an appointment with the school head, no one else will do!, you need to go to the top!
outline all that is happening, and the affects it is having on your niece, tell them you will get the police involved if action is not taken also say you will go to ofsted, as the school is allowing bullying to take place.

this gang is making your niece's school life hell, and you need to stop this now!

my daughter, who has autism went thru the same hell, in the end I had to take her to the doctors, because of their daily torture.
the fact that your niece stayed off school is a danger signal of how seriously this affecting her.

The fact she has spoken to someone about it, looks like a good sign to me. She obviously wants help to sort this out. I'd be more worried if she was refusing to talk about it, so if I were you, I'd talk to her and find out exactly what she wants to happen from this point.

Then devise a plan together about what you can do. It will giver her ownership of her own life, and maybe some empowerment back.

So the goal may be for them to leave her alone, but from hassled daily to being left alone is a big step, so break it down.

From her goal, you would have a plan like:

Talk to the head teacher
Arrange a meeting
Talk to the other parents.

Break it down into small steps, and at least then she won't drown in the bullied to left alone gap.

[lostalex]

karate lessons.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Kizzy

Marsh, I love that skirt! Wherever did you get it?...

[Niamh.]

Shouldn't you speak to her parents about it and let them handle it?

[Verbal]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Shouldn't you speak to her parents about it and let them handle it?

The parents are probably just as bad, if not worse

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Verbal

The parents are probably just as bad, if not worse

No, I mean his nieces parents

[Verbal]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

No, I mean his nieces parents

I was talking about the Nieces parents













Only joking

[Niamh.]

[Toy Soldier]

You can go to parents and teachers and that might well stop the "full on" bullying, so they might stop harassing or attacking her directly. However, you will probably find that there are still smirks / sneers / laughing behind her back / rumours being spread with "no obvious (provable) source". Depends on whether or not she can handle that. Of course it's pretty meaningless and I'd imagine most adults are capable of shrugging off that sort of minor crap, but... well, teenagers are easily affected by these things so she might still not be totally happy and it might not do much to rebuild her confidence, if that's been damaged.

From my fading memories of school - the only "surefire" way I've seen bullies stopped in their tracks, is when the person being bullied befriends a person or group of people that the bullies are scared to go after, but who are themselves nice and respectful people. They do exist in most school environments, believe it or not! The reason this works is that bullies are always tackling insecurities of their own... and are prone to being laughed off by more confident kids who are highly sociable and confident enough in themselves not to need to bully others. These groups are no-go zones for bullies because they'll just roll their eyes at them and tell them to **** off... which is the best thing to do with a bully - just not always possible when they're being outright aggressive and there's no one backing you up.

So that's my best advice. If she can muster the confidence herself to make plenty of real, genuine, confident friends then the bullies will simply back right off without a fight.