[jennyjuniper]

I had a really good laugh at all the jokes on there, but now I can't find it again. Can anyone enlighten me?

[Crimson Dynamo]

"Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief."

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

"Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief."

Actually very witty that.

[Josy]

Its in general interests

http://www.thisisbigbrother.com/foru...wpost&t=212268

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by jennyjuniper

I had a really good laugh at all the jokes on there, but now I can't find it again. Can anyone enlighten me?

Let's use this thread to continue it Jenny - I miss it too, I love a good laugh:

Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three: One to change it and two to argue about how ancient the old one is.

Q: How many Country & Western Singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten: One to change it and nine to sing about how good the old one was.

Q: How many Luddites does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two hundred: One to change it and the other one hundred and ninety nine to revolt against the change.

Q. How many TIBB atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Duh.... What's a light bulb?

I don't know why but the last one is my favourite.

[jennyjuniper]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

Let's use this thread to continue it Jenny - I miss it too, I love a good laugh:

Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three: One to change it and two to argue about how ancient the old one is.

Q: How many Country & Western Singers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten: One to change it and nine to sing about how good the old one was.

Q: How many Luddites does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two hundred: One to change it and the other one hundred and ninety nine to revolt against the change.

Q. How many TIBB atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Duh.... What's a light bulb?

I don't know why but the last one is my favourite.

Mine is the luddites

[jennyjuniper]

An American tourist is hiking in the wilds of Yorkshire and comes across a farmer with a sheep, with it's back legs tucked into his wellies and he's having sex with it.
The American says 'Are you shearing farmer'?
and the farmer replies 'No, bugger off and find your own'.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by jennyjuniper

An American tourist is hiking in the wilds of Yorkshire and comes across a farmer with a sheep, with it's back legs tucked into his wellies and he's having sex with it.
The American says 'Are you shearing farmer'?
and the farmer replies 'No, bugger off and find your own'.

I've never heard any of your jokes before Jenny.

[jennyjuniper]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

I've never heard any of your jokes before Jenny.

It's because I'm getting on a bit. I can remember jokes I heard years and years ago, but if I hear one today I've forgotten it by tomorrow.
Love your jokes by the way. Keep them coming.

[kirklancaster]

11 year old Rosy was worried because she had started to grow pubic hair and asked her mum about it.

Her mum explained it was nothing to worry about and told her:"That part where the hair has grown is called your 'Monkey', and it's natural for your monkey to grow hair.” Rosy smiled and nodded that she understood.

Later while having dinner, Rosy proudly told her 15 year old sister Kim: "My monkey has grown hair.”

Kim smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine's already eating bananas.”

[jennyjuniper]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

11 year old Rosy was worried because she had started to grow pubic hair and asked her mum about it.

Her mum explained it was nothing to worry about and told her:"That part where the hair has grown is called your 'Monkey', and it's natural for your monkey to grow hair.” Rosy smiled and nodded that she understood.

Later while having dinner, Rosy proudly told her 15 year old sister Kim: "My monkey has grown hair.”

Kim smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine's already eating bananas.”

It's the way he tells them

[Niamh.]

My son made this one up and I thought it was hilarious :

What's at the back of a duck?

Spoiler:

his butt quack

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

My son made this one up and I thought it was hilarious :

What's at the back of a duck?

Spoiler:

his butt quack

How old is he Niamh?

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

How old is he Niamh?

10

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

10

Mint. I remember all the fun I had with our kids when they were that age.

[Jessica.]

Wth

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Originally Posted by Jessica.

Wth

[jennyjuniper]

What's the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a crossroads.

[jennyjuniper]

What's artificial intelligence?
A blonde whose dyed her hair brown.

[jennyjuniper]

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?'
Tell her a joke on Friday night.

The blonde pushes her car into a garage and tells the mechanic it died. After working on it for a few minutes it's working smoothly and she asks 'what's the story'?
'Just crap in the carburetor'.
She gets a puzzled look on her face and asks 'How often do I have to do that'?

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by jennyjuniper

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?'
Tell her a joke on Friday night.

The blonde pushes her car into a garage and tells the mechanic it died. After working on it for a few minutes it's working smoothly and she asks 'what's the story'?
'Just crap in the carburetor'.
She gets a puzzled look on her face and asks 'How often do I have to do that'?

Enough already - I'm piddling myself!

Only jesting Jenny, keep 'em coming.

Paddy and Mick secure two well paid builders labourers jobs in Saudi Arabia. As they're flying over the desert Mick looks out of the plane window and says: "I tink we've dropped a goolie Paddy and should fly straight back home before the cement arrives "

[jennyjuniper]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

Enough already - I'm piddling myself!

Only jesting Jenny, keep 'em coming.

Paddy and Mick secure two well paid builders labourers jobs in Saudi Arabia. As they're flying over the desert Mick looks out of the plane window and says: "I tink we've dropped a goolie Paddy and should fly straight back home before the cement arrives "

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and it landed on 'Science and Nature'. The question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it'?
She thought for a time, then asked 'Is it running or not?

A motorway policeman pulls alongside a speeding car and is astounded to see a blonde behind the wheel knitting. Realizing that she is oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, he rolls down his window and shouts through a loudspeaker 'Pull over'
'No, she shouts back. It's a scarf'.

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by jennyjuniper

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and it landed on 'Science and Nature'. The question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it'?
She thought for a time, then asked 'Is it running or not?

A motorway policeman pulls alongside a speeding car and is astounded to see a blonde behind the wheel knitting. Realizing that she is oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, he rolls down his window and shouts through a loudspeaker 'Pull over'
'No, she shouts back. It's a scarf'.

Billy's strolling on a seemingly deserted beach and comes across a man carrying a gigantic pen. He says to him; "Hey, that's a big Biro, where'd you get it from?"

The man points to a green bottle lying on the beach and says; ”See that bottle over there? It contains a Genie and if you take off the stopper he'll grant you just one wish".

Billy goes over to the bottle, picks it up and pulls out the cork. A huge Genie comes out and says: "What is your wish O Master?".

Billy says: "A million bucks" and immediately the Genie goes back inside the bottle and a million ducks appear and start waddling all over the beach.

Billy catches up with the man with the pen and says; "That genie is a right deaf get".

"I know." said the man, "Do you think I asked for an 18" Bic?".

[jennyjuniper]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

Billy's strolling on a seemingly deserted beach and comes across a man carrying a gigantic pen. He says to him; "Hey, that's a big Biro, where'd you get it from?"

The man points to a green bottle lying on the beach and says; ”See that bottle over there? It contains a Genie and if you take off the stopper he'll grant you just one wish".

Billy goes over to the bottle, picks it up and pulls out the cork. A huge Genie comes out and says: "What is your wish O Master?".

Billy says: "A million bucks" and immediately the Genie goes back inside the bottle and a million ducks appear and start waddling all over the beach.

Billy catches up with the man with the pen and says; "That genie is a right deaf get".

"I know." said the man, "Do you think I asked for an 18" Bic?".

Love it. Keep them coming

[jennyjuniper]

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about a job she wanted him to do. In the first room she saids she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote it down then went to the open window and shouted 'GREEN SIDE UP'.
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted a soft yellow.
He walked to the window and shouted 'GREEN SIDE UP'.
The lady was curious but said nothing and led the painter to the third room, which she said she would like painting a warm rose colour.
He wrote it down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP'.
The lady then asked him, 'Why do you keep yelling GREEN SIDE UP?
'I'm sorry', he replied, 'But I have a crew of blondes laying a lawn across the street.