[Amanda.]

I've always liked how the C4 building has looked lolz.

[Shaun]

oh my.

[Stu]

I can't wait to get onto the actual Celebrity Big Brother next week. There's only so much humor I can extract out of this prequel stuff. Anyway, that was just an opener.

[Stu]

CHANNEL 4 UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT?
by Gaston Chuckleshiseyes

There was panic last night at Channel 4 Towers as a takeover was in full effect. Our man inside witnessed - amongst other things - employees leaving in droves as the failing network struggled to cope with losses by selling creative control of all television broadcasts on to a mystery third party.

TITS

Employees stopped short of throwing themselves out four to five story heights as it became apparent that they had each been payed off a huge lump sum in return for surrendering the companies creative integrity to the aforementioned mystery party. Our man on the inside was party to scenes of gracious sex as employees celebrated a new found fortune.

APOCALYPSE

However calls were being made last night by various television regulation bodies that the network be taken off air due to the uncertainty surrounding the creative future of the channel. Our man on the inside was able to speak to Channel 4's new head honcho via phone linkup.

CATS

''Well it's simple, really, we have our loyal viewers best interests at heart. See my feline companion Geraldo, here? Geraldo knows this. He purs with excitement at the future we and our viewers may share together. This new creative vision will start with Celebrity Big Brother which is to air it's final series soon. We have some big, big plans in store and you don't want to miss it.''

''This channel has needed a kick up the sensitive bits for a long time now and me and Geraldo here, here Geraldo, here my sweet munchkin, we have the nations satisfaction at heart each and every night. Each and every night. Stay tuned, it's going to be quiet the event, I can assure you.''

''Would you like a line of Cocaine, Geraldo?''

CONTROVERSY

What does the future hold, so, for Channel 4? When our man on the inside asked this of Channel 4's new boss man a second time, he paused only to let out a haughty chuckle, and mentioned something about a minion popping in to serve refreshments of another kind, before hanging up with great haste.

.

[Shaun]

*tears cock off with anticipation*

[Stu]

MONDAY, 30TH NOVEMBER, 2009
CHANNEL 4 HEADQUARTERS
BOARDROOM OF LUST
1800 HOURS



*The last of the suits arrive at the boardroom. The present minions quickly exchange their bondage gear for these suits and take seats at the giant marbel table that dominates the room. At the top, Channel 4's new head honcho. A vacant seat is left at the bottom.



Minion Dan : You got the time?

Minion Milky Bar Kid : 1800 hours, my friend.

Minion Dan : Why do you have to call it out like that?

Minion Milky Bar Kid : 'Coz I'm strong and tough.



*Geraldo stalks up from nowhere, swaggers across the table, and rests on the laps of Channel 4's new head honcho. I'm not sure how cat's can swagger, but if you can picture a dozen or so corporate lackeys in bondage gear, this should be a doozey.*



? : So is everybody here?

Minion Farhad : Almost everybody. The late guy is late again.

? : Don't I know you from somewhere?

Minion Farhad : No?

? : What's your surname?

Minion Farhad : Gr ... Graham?

? : I WILL HAVE NO CAMEOS IN THIS BOARDROOM!

Minion Charlie Sheen : Your breaking the fourth wall again, boss. Stick within the narrative.

? : Fair enough. Welcome to Channel 4, kid. Right. Now you know why I have called you all here.



*A video screen descends from the ceiling and a movie promptly flashes up on screen. This movie is a video package showing Big Brother's illustrious ten year history. It's narrated by that ruddy E4 voiceover guy. You know the one.*



? : Right, minions, this is our next big creative project. That being, or this being, Celebrity Big Brother 2010. Only it's not Celebrity Big Brother 2010.

Minion Inqui Izitive : It's not?

? : No, because it starts this Thursday.



*Gasps all around. Geraldo raises his head and takes offense to this. This is done through a complex sequence of whisker perking, nose sniffing, and other stuff along those lines.*



? : Yes, Thursday. This is a scheduling matter to make way for Channel 4's Fresh Exciting New Content this January. There will be no debate on the matter.

Minion Inqui Izitive : Content such as ... ?






''I can't do this all on my own, oh no, I'm no superman!''













''I'll be there for you!''












[Generic atmospheric music]











? : Any questions?

Minion Inqui Izitive : Wh -

? : Not from you. Anymore questions? Good. Vinnie Jones is the new series producer. He will be arriving tomorrow to sort you slags out. MEETING OVER!

Minion The Late Guy : Ph, ph, phew! Sorry I'm late, guys!




*scene fades out*

[Tom4784]

More friends is the cure to everything!

I love it.

[Stu]

Cheers. More pointless cameos to come. Wasting time until Thursday .

EDIT : New eye, with added star goodness.

[Z]

I'm enjoying this very much, can't wait for it to really get going!! I like it so far

[Shaun]

wtf stu. wtf man. what happened.