[Kate!]

As Dallas is coming to the big screen sometime soon, I thought I'd do a Tibb does Dallas...(I'm bored).

Shaun Ross Ewing - the ruthless Oil Baron.
Zee-Ellen - SR's tormented wife.
Marco Ewing - SR's younger, more principled brother.
Caitlin Ewing - Marco's wife.
Lucinda "Dags" Ewing - baby sister, bit of a slag.
Katerina Rocksoff - secret half sister with vengeance in her heart.
Mollinda Mae Rocksoff - Katerina's accomplice.

Other characters coming soon.

Episode 1

SR: Luci, you been down at the stables with that no-good cowboy again you little slag!!! (slaps Lucinda across the face)
LUCINDA: ow, Shaun Ross. Why are you so meeean? How did you know anyway?
SR: I found your knickers in the horses stall, only you wears crotchless black lace round here, more's the pity.
ZEE-ELLEN: (staggers in clutching a gin bottle) SR, what do you mean by that, you know I love you, you bastard. Why you always so crool to me?
SR: Zee-Ellen, you're a no good drunk and I'm off to town to find me a woman who can give me what I need.
MARCO: That's enough SR. She needs sympathy and understanding.
SR: She needs a lobotomy.
CAITLIN: Y'all should treat each other like Marco and me, with respect and love. Nurture each other ya know.
LUCINDA: **** all chance of that round here!

cutaway

SR goes to a bar in town. He meets a woman called Mollinda Mae Rocksoff and her mysterious sister Katerina. He spends the night with Mollinda and later while he's asleep Mollinda gets a telephone call from Katerina!!!

to be continued................

[Ammi]

Zee Ellen has always been a drunken sl*t

[Z]

ALL the gin

[Black Dagger]

God, Lucinda is a filthy slut, don't know where she gets it from.

[Shaun]

Marc more principled than me? Ha. You haven't discovered his children-and-kitten-drug-smuggling business... which he runs with a racist... with a swastika tattoo.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Shaun

Marc more principled than me? Ha. You haven't discovered his children-and-kitten-drug-smuggling business... which he runs with a racist... with a swastika tattoo.

..you set him up after injecting him with heroin..you ruthless b*stard
..Marco is innocent..that swastika guy is an actor...he's on SR's patroll

[Kate!]

Episode 2

Introducing Nathaniel Clifford Barnes - A rival Oil Tycoon, and his secretary Nia von Strumpet

NATHANIEL: That son of a ***** SR is behind this, you mark my words Nia.
NIA: Ooh, Mr Barnes. Did ya lose out on another sweet deal.
NATHANIEL: You bet your sweet bippy I did darlin, and he ain't getting away with it for much longer.

(Katerina enters the office)

KATERINA: I've got some interesting news for you Nathey.
NATHANANIEL: Don't call me Nathey, I'm not 6 years old. Now what is it?
KATERINA: Mollinda hooked up with SR last night, she's in!!
NATHANANIEL: Splendid, marvellous. Here's some money.

(Nathaniel gives Katerina a briefcase)

NATHANIEL: You'll get the rest when the deed is done. I want to see that bastard dead in the gutter and then I can claim Zee Ellen for my own.
KATERINA: I was planning on the swimming pool, but whatever sweetie.
NIA: Ooh, Mr Barnes...you're soooo ruthless.
NATHANIEL: And you love it sugar lips....

Roll credits.....

[Niamh.]

-slaps Nathan for calling me sugar lips-