[Niall]

Hi. So I've started writing a novel of sorts. Well, thus far I've written the first chapter for a project at school but I'm hoping to continue and finish it off eventually in my own time.

The title for it ('Selection') is something I've just thought so that'll probably change a bunch of times. It has a lot of relevance to the rest of the story (or at least my ideas for it) further down the line.

All criticism is welcome as nobody who's seen it has had any major critiques so far, so I'm trying to show it to more people to see if they point out problems in it that I've somehow missed.

Anyway I'm going to stop rambling and just post the damn thing:

Spoiler:

Laughter and shouts are what woke me.

Most of those in this building preoccupied themselves with endless partying aided by drink and drugs. They acted as if the world wasn’t over. Trouble is, the world is over, and has been since nuclear fire swallowed up most of organised living 300 years ago. I just wished they’d all wake up and realize that.

I sighed and wrenched myself out of bed. I guess my apartment could be worse. There was only three rooms: a bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen/living room. It wasn’t much, but it was a far better than being homeless.

My inconsiderate neighbors and I lived in a crumbling London apartment complex. Somehow a fair few of them survived the nuclear war. Their tall, thin stature allowed the entrance to be easily guarded, and most blocks had a dedicated security team funded through rent paid by residents. It was where the sane in this world lived. The insane roamed the lawless sprawl of rubble below. Preying on the weak and defenseless.

A growl from my stomach alerted me to my hunger. I dashed to the kitchen and cut myself a slice of bread. Hopefully, there was still some butter left in the pantry. But no such luck I opened it up and found it empty.

Aly. My little sister. My lovable, but selfish sister. Butter was a luxury in this world. A luxury that I looked forward to. She’d always eat nearly all of it. I slammed the pantry shut in frustration, and took an angry bite of my plain bread.

Where is she anyway? She’s never out this early. A pang of worry washed over me.. Even though she was nearly 16, I didn’t like the thought of her walking round on her own. Some shady characters lived in the Block. I shoved on my shoes, shrugged into my jacket and headed out of the grubby little flat.

The hallway was filled with the acrid stench of alcohol and drugs. It took one breath of the air and I was coughing and spluttering. I stumbled over to the stairwell and took a minute to compose myself. The air was fresh here. Thank God those heavy doors kept the fumes out.

The ‘School’ was on the 23rd floor of the building. It was set up a couple decades after the war by a few surviving teachers. I don’t know how they managed it, but they cobbled together a few textbooks and blackboards, and turned the floor into a set of classrooms. The kids were mainly taught about practical stuff, survival skills, how to defend themselves, things that they’d need to know to stay alive.

I checked my watch. 7am. Alyssa didn’t start classes for another 20 minutes. What could she be doing? I pushed open the door to the 23rd floor and scanned the hallway.

And I spotted her. She was sat against the wall, reading a battered old novel. Lord knows how she got her hands on that thing. She was always reading.

I jogged over to where she was sitting. “There you are. I was wondering where you went. Why are you down here so early, silly?”

She looked up, eyes still on her book for a moment before fixing on me. “I came down here because I can’t get a moment’s peace with those hyenas next door. Do I have to go to school today? It’s so dull. I’d much rather go to the market and trade with you. At least that’s interesting.”

I shook my head. “Aly you need to go. They teach you important stuff. You know that.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I know it’s important, but that doesn’t mean it’s interesting, does it? Besides, it won’t matter if I miss just one day, will it?” She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

“Aly c’mon you know that-”

“Oh please Adam, I won’t be any trouble, you know that.” Her eyes grew wide, and her face contorted into a picture of childlike innocence.

I grimaced. “Fine. But you keep your mouth shut when I’m trading, and you aren’t to leave my side no matter what. Is that clear?”

“Crystal.” Her face broke into a wide grin, which I couldn’t help returning.

We left the hall, and jogged down to the ground floor. We were headed to the market, which was around a 5 minute walk from the block. The place was no more than paved square littered with makeshift trading stalls. But the thing that was special about it, was that it had some protection for the traders. The merchants cobbled together some money every month and paid a few people to be hired guns. It kept the place safe, unlike other markets in the area. It was the only place where I’d trade when I was with Ally. I didn’t like putting her in danger when I could avoid it.

We shoved through the doors to the lobby of the block. Everything always looked nice down here early in the morning. The big glass windows (well the ones that still had their glass) let in lots of sunlight. It helped me look past how dingy and rundown this place was.

People swarmed around various salesman, who were peddling unusable junk. Only those who were scared of the wastes beyond the gates bought from there people. Traders that came into lobby generally sold stuff like broken pots and pans, and ‘armor’ made from sheets of jagged scrap metal. The markets with real goods were scattered across what used to be London, and dangerous though they may be, it was the only place where you could get stuff like butter, milk and other perishables of a good quality.

Upon reaching the other side of the crowd, I shoved through the heavy lobby doors, with Aly following shortly after. We made our way across the courtyard (which was really no more than a large space of dirt where the emaciated livestock was kept along with some poorly kept crops) towards the gate. The watchman took our names down and the time giving us the usual warning that if we didn’t return within 48 hours we’ll be assumed dead and our apartment rented to someone else. Following that they opened the gate and we walked into the wastes.

I’ve been told that the dingy brown land here once used to be filled with buildings and people, bustling with life, that London was one of the most vibrant cities on the planet. but I just can’t picture that. Not when nothing but brown ground with the occasional patch of rubble lay before me. It felt like it had always been like this. A wasteland.

“So what are we buying today? Anything fun?” chirped Aly as we trudged along, snapping me out of my reverie.

“I have to buy more butter since you ate it all this morning.”

She gasped in mock horror. “Me? Why I would never do such a thing. It was obviously that cat who lives with that couple down the hall. It must of snuck in and ate it all.

I raised an eyebrow.

“Okay fine. I ate it. Whatever. I’m sorry.”

“I know you did. Look you need to be more careful about how much food you use, okay? You know how difficult it can be to get. Don’t take so much next time.” I never did like being the authority figure. But since our parents died it wasn’t like I had much of a choice in the matter.

Frowning, she looked up and sighed, “Okay. Okay okay I’ll try to be more careful.”

We passed another patch of rubble, the market came into view. It sprawled out in a rough circle, with armed guards standing guard around the outer perimeter. The stalls themselves were arranged randomly, with vendors fashioning them out of whatever they could get their hands on: rusty car parts, slabs of concrete, ragged sheets of fabric.

The guard raised his gun as we approached, “Hands up.” He gave us a quick search and let us through. Weapons weren’t allowed inside. It kept the unruly out of the place.

“We get the milk from Wilson, right?” queried Aly. Wilson was a kindly old man who sold milk and cheese. He owned several cows which he always kept well fed so his produce was good. He always gave me a good price so I made a point of buying milk only from him.

“Yeah. Take a left up here and he’s the third stall along on your right.”

“Awesome.” She flashed a grin at me and dashed off.

I traipsed along behind her, still weary from sleep when I felt something grab my ankle. Looking down, I saw that it was an elderly man clad in filthy rags who clutching onto me. The unmistakable stench of alcohol filled my nose.

“Get off me!” I hissed.

“No. No no no. You must liste-”

“Look I don’t have time for whatever cult you’re part of.”

“I’m not part of a cult! I have only a warning for you and everyone here.” His eyes never left my face. He looked desperate.

I sighed. “All right. just make it quick.”

“Thank you. Thank you for your patience. But you must leave this place. Leave now. Go and take cover. Just get as far away from here as possible. It’s not safe!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” It was perfectly safe here. Security had the place well defended and kept undesirables out. What could possibly be wrong?

He looked away, lowering his voice, “They’re coming.”

“Excuse me?”

“They’re coming. To invade and use us all for slave labour. We’ll have no freedom. Just run, leave, escape while you still can!”

I scoffed and tugged away from his grasp. He was obviously drunk, and didn’t know what he was saying. I left his increasingly incoherent shouts behind me as I spotted that familiar dirty blonde hair that could only belong to my sister. I came to a halt next to her, but something in the sky caught my eye.

Thats when I saw them.

The strange floating objects in the sky, planes I think they were called, flew in by the hundred leaving tiny, deep blue packages floating down to the ground in their wake.

I squinted up into the sky, trying to get a better look.

No. Those were not packages. Those were people.

Hundreds upon hundreds of people, each carrying long black rifles in their arms. The confusion in my head suddenly assembled into a frightening realization - this was an invasion force.

Everyone around me was gaping into the sky. The merchants had stopped trading, children had ceased playing. We just stood. Frozen. Staring in horror at the enormous army descending before our very eyes.

A cold, mirthless laugh broke the silence. It was the man who had warned me earlier.

“I told you! I told you all! I told you this was going to happen! Looks to me that you all tossed away your own chance at survival! Get ready for something even worse than todays crappy existence, friends!” He yelled, before allowing another humorless cackle escape his throat, and staggering off.

At this, the crowd seemed to snap from its trance. People began to scramble from the scene? Oddly enough I felt nothing. My legs stayed planted on the floor, and my eyes fixed on the point where those once tiny blue figures now making soft thuds as they hit the ground.

The alien soldiers began marching towards our little market. Their feet moving in a constant rhythm. They wore helmets, making it impossible to gage how they felt.

Beside me, Aly was near hysterical with fear. She was tugging, shouting, and shoving me in an attempt to get me to leave but I felt oddly detached from it all. Almost as if my body had shut down and all I could do was stand here, helpless. She eventually resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going to leave and sat down in an anguished daze.

The blue soldiers had reached us now. I vaguely registered that I wasn’t alone, and that the more fearless of merchants had remained behind to try and defend this tiny piece of civilization. The security force also remained behind, moving forward into a defensive line with guns raised at these strange people. The foreign soldiers returned the gesture, moving into a defensive line and raising their own weapons.

The next few moments seemed to slow down, almost as if they stretched on forever. The tension was almost palpable, it filled the air and weighed it down, it’s heavy silence forcing everyone without a gun into a sort of terrified paralysis, waiting for some sort of resolution.

I stared at the stand-off when I noticed a deep blue boot move forward. The loud clatter of gunfire began.

Sorry about the weird paragraphing. TiBB doesn't allow indentations at the beginning of each line, so I had to separate with a space. Now I'm going to run and hide because people seeing my work is something I find incredibly terrifying.

[GypsyGoth]

I thought it was very enjoyable, great job Niall

It's well written and exciting, I think it's an interesting world you've created, I'd like to read more

[Niall]

Originally Posted by GypsyGoth

I thought it was very enjoyable, great job Niall

It's well written and exciting, I think it's an interesting world you've created, I'd like to read more

Thank you, Claudia!

I'm starting work on the second chapter and I have solid ideas on what I'm going to write, it's just a matter of if I'll get the time. Hopefully I'll be able to get some of it written.

I love writing creatively. It's something I don't really get a chance to do at school.

[King Gizzard]

I actually felt I was reading the works of a young Shakespeare

[Ammi]

..there isn't any reason to hide Niall...it's very well written and captured my interest from the first sentence...I hope you carry on posting it...and how the title 'Selection' comes about....

..Well done Niall...I think creative writing is something you should definately think of pursuing....

[Niall]

Originally Posted by Nathan

I actually felt I was reading the works of a young Shakespeare

Not sure if serious

Originally Posted by Ammi

..there isn't any reason to hide Niall...it's very well written and captured my interest from the first sentence...I hope you carry on posting it...and how the title 'Selection' comes about....

..Well done Niall...I think creative writing is something you should definately think of pursuing....

Thank you Ammi! I definitely am gonna carry on with it, and with some luck I'll be doing English at Uni so hopefully I'll get to do some creative writing when I'm there.

[AnnieK]

I really enjoyed it too. Well written and captured my interest quickly. I love novels like this though about post apocalyptic worlds so just my kind of story. Hope you post more when you write it.

[Cherie]

A good read Niall, ... look forward to the next chapter.

reminded me a bit of "The Road"

[Niamh.]

That's brilliant Niall, really well written. It had a hunger games feel to it

[Niall]

Right I've just finished the second chapter, and I apologise if it sucks:

Spoiler:

Everything was happening so fast. Just seconds before everything had been so silent, and eerily serene. But now bullets whistled past in every direction, wreaking violent destruction on everything they touched. Somewhere to my right a bottle shattered, peppering me with sharp flecks of hot glass.

Ahead of me, the battle between both sides raged on, but those terrifying soldiers were winning with startling ease. In under a minute they’d decimated at least two thirds of our makeshift defensive force, whose corpses lay strewn across the ground in bright crimson patches of blood.

I looked over at Aly to see her curled up behind a Wilson’s disheveled market stall. The fighting still raged on, with the combatants too involved in their own conflict to notice anything else. If we were going to escape we had to do it now. This was our only chance.

I lunged for Aly’s arm, dragging her up to stand with me. She was trembling head to toe, never taking her eyes off the fight. Her eyes were wide and her breathing was rapid. Panicking was something she couldn’t afford in this situation. I’d have to force her back to her senses.

So I tugged her arm hard and we ran. Bullets whistled past, shrapnel tore through our clothes, the constant hail of gunfire was unrelenting in our ears.

For two minutes we kept up our sprint. I wanted to put a good distance between us and that war-zone before we slowed down. The incline leading toward our apartment block had tired us out, so we perched on some rubble before carrying on.

Below us, the fighting was largely done. Bodies were scattered around what was the market, marked out easily by the pools of blood they lay in. Some of the soldiers were dealing with the leftovers of the defensive force, shackling those they hadn’t killed. Others milled about randomly in the market, their attitudes so casual that if it weren’t for the dark red spattered across their uniforms, the idea that they had just committed mass murder would be preposterous.

Aly put her head in her hands, quiet sobs racking her body. I hated it when she cried. I felt like I was never all that good at cheering her up. Mum used to do that so well. She used to make everything better when things got bad.

I took her in my arms, hugging her gently, “Hey, calm down. It’s gonna be fine, Aly. We’ll be okay. We’re gonna get through this. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you.” As I sat there comforting her, my mind began to wander. Our entire life had been turned upside down. Until now I’d had a fairly stable existence set up for us. We had shelter, we had food, and we were safe. But how long would that last now?

“You’re bleeding.” she croaked, staring at the blood streaked across my right arm. I hadn’t noticed before, but it really did start to sting now that I’d lost my adrenaline rush.

“I’ll be fine. Only a bit of glass. Are you ready to go now? We need to get back to the apartment and figure this all out, okay?” She sighed and nodded wearily, so we trudged back to the block.

As we neared the gate, a crowd came into view. Around a hundred people stood in front of the Block’s fortified entrance, begging to be let in. Most were those that had fled the market, likely seeking last minute shelter. Some were crying, some were yelling, others tried to bribe the gatekeepers to no avail.

We shoved through the tumult. People yelled at me, and glared in my direction. I guess I was shoving a little too hard, but I didn’t care. I had but one thought in my head at that moment: get Aly to safety. I would not let anything bad happen to her.

The metal wall that was the gate was right in front of us now. I called up at one of the guards in the makeshift watchtowers and he clambered down. On the other side of the gate he slid open a panel to speak.

“Name?”

“Adam. Adam Strauss,” I gently pulled Aly a little further forward, “and this is my sister Alyssa. We live in apartment 3216.” I was breathing heavily. I wasn’t sure if that was down to me panicking or all the exercise I’d been doing.

Through the slit in the metal I could see the guard’s eyes darting this way and that. He was probably looking over the list for our names. This was standard procedure, but with a crowd of hysterical refugees behind me, it felt more than a bit tense.

“Okay, I found your names. Wait there. We’re gonna have to get some more people down here so those other people can’t storm in.” At this the clamor around us seemed to swell, the other people obviously offended with his words. Several shouted profanities at him. The guard mumbled and slit the panel shut. I squeezed Aly’s hand, smiling at her. She gave me a weak smile back.

The gate then gave a loud groan as the metal was forced forward. We moved to stand at the far end where the opening was when five armed guards walked out in front of the entrance. They pointed their guns out at the refugees, who shrank back immediately. A sixth guard, the one we had spoken to just before, then emerged. He waved us through whilst the others kept the crowd at bay.

Once through, the first thing I did was take myself and Aly to see Sarah on the ground floor. Sarah was the medic for the entire block. She was a miracle worker, and had taught herself what she knew from some dilapidated pre-war medical volumes. I didn’t want to take any chances with mine or Aly’s health. Especially after taking hits from so much shrapnel. Infection was the last thing we wanted. Antibiotics were few and far between in this world.

Passing through the entrance hall, I could see Sarah’s door on right ahead of us marked out by a big red cross on a white background. I walked up to it and knocked twice. A chair scraped across the floor on the other side, and then the door open. There stood Sarah, brown hair messy and a weary expression colouring her features.

She looked down at our blood streaked clothes and sighed, “I guess you two better come in.”

Sarah’s apartment was bigger than most, mainly to accommodate the various patients she received. The place smelled strongly of antiseptic mixed with damp, and was dimly lit with a few candles and a some flickering fluorescent lights. Electric lighting was only ever allowed from 8pm till 12 for most residents, but Sarah needed it all day long to treat people.

“Adam if you’ll sit down on the table first I’ll take a look at your arm. Those cuts look pretty nasty. Aly I’ll take a look at you after.”

I sat on the bench and Sarah took my arm. She took a damp cloth and wiped away the blood. I didn’t feel any pain, which was odd. Then her expression began to change. She looked confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“I.. I can’t find any wounds. It’s almost as if this blood came from nowhere.”

“That’s impossible. A bottle got shattered and the glass hit my arm..” I trailed off as I looked for myself. Sure enough there were no wounds. Just unbroken skin. “I don't understand..”

“Well,” she said, running a nervous hand through her hair, “lets check your other wounds, okay?”

“Sure.”

The cuts across my chest, legs and other arm were all the same. The blood was there, but the gashes weren’t. It didn’t make any sense. It was physically impossible for a wound to heal that fast. What was going on?

She checked over Aly, finding only the same thing with her. Sarah looked utterly bewildered. “This is medically impossible. I really don’t know what to say to you two, put it down to a miracle maybe, but you seem fine. I won’t charge you for anything, but if you have the slightest-”

The door flew open and a guard from the front gate burst in, a panicked expression painted across his features.

“You three need to come out to the courtyard now. That army that attacked the market earlier? Well their commander is here. He’s got some sort of announcement. Wants everyone to hear it.”

So we followed him out of the building and into the courtyard. A massive crowd had gathered. The blue soldiers stood at the gate, many of them still covered in blood. I felt sick. That old man really was right. They really were here to subjugate us.

One of them walked forward and removed his helmet. Beneath his short brown hair, stretching across his face was a smile. I felt even more sick. He was taking enjoyment out of all this? First he slaughters hundreds and then gleefully enslaves many more?

“Good morning, friends! Good morning indeed! I’ve come here to make an announcement to you all that concerns both our futures.

“My name is Christopher Roker, and I’m the commander of this army division. We come from a place called Arescet, but I assume that you’d rather I get to the burning question on most of your minds: why are we here?

“Well we’re here to free you. Free you from squalor, poverty, and lawlessness. We’re here to help you, to give you civilization again, to rebuild the world to it’s pre-war glory. Since that conflict 300 years ago, Arescet has managed to rebuild and thrive, and we want to help the world do the same.

“And with your co-operation, we could recreate the former glory of London. This could be a place of wonder rather than horror. Wouldn’t you like that, friends?” He grinned a little too widely.

“So let’s start now. Let us begin your liberation from anarchy.”

k gonna go hide now by e

[Ammi]

..well, you better come out of hiding Niall..so I can give you one massive hug...don't make me have to come and find you...

...I'll talk to you later...

[AnnieK]

Another great chapter Niall, looking forward to the next one already.

[Niall]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..well, you better come out of hiding Niall..so I can give you one massive hug...don't make me have to come and find you...

...I'll talk to you later...

Originally Posted by anniek76

Another great chapter Niall, looking forward to the next one already.

Thanks.

[Marcus.]

that was very fab

[Niall]

Thanks bb

[Marcus.]

Originally Posted by Niall

Thanks bb

that ok

[LemonJam]

no need to hide, this is really rather good.

[Benjamin]

Nice effort. Niall. Quite well written, don't be embarrassed.

[Black Dagger]

This is great bby <3

[Petershaw1984]

Mate thats such a good read so far. I love apocolypse type tales and your book fits that mould. As i was reading it all i could envisage was burnt out cars littlered across the shameless estate and a high rise tower. I got so into tjis book. Please dm me any more you have written.
Also when you are a famous writer then please send me a copy of your book.

Again wow what a good read. Please post more

[Niall]

Thanks guys! Thank you so much! Idk why I said I'll hide I just get quite shy when other people see my work so yeah.

But the positive feedback does mean a lot to me and it does shock me to see people liking it.

Originally Posted by pio5ukuk

Mate thats such a good read so far. I love apocolypse type tales and your book fits that mould. As i was reading it all i could envisage was burnt out cars littlered across the shameless estate and a high rise tower. I got so into tjis book. Please dm me any more you have written.
Also when you are a famous writer then please send me a copy of your book.

Again wow what a good read. Please post more

Yeah that's the kind of image I was going for! I'm glad it's working.

And I'll post it in here as I go on writing it. It might take me a while, but I will keep posting it.

I'll send you a copy if I ever do finish it let alone being published.

[Shaun]

I like it Niall, but one thing that's probably just a personal gripe with me - I don't like sentence fragments (for example just saying 'No.' in the narrative)... it's something I slip into quite often on here because we're all chatty, but when writing it can feel like you're reading a diary rather than literature

Other than that, I found it really interesting and well done on pursuing this

[Niall]

Originally Posted by Shaun

I like it Niall, but one thing that's probably just a personal gripe with me - I don't like sentence fragments (for example just saying 'No.' in the narrative)... it's something I slip into quite often on here because we're all chatty, but when writing it can feel like you're reading a diary rather than literature

Other than that, I found it really interesting and well done on pursuing this

Oh I hadn't noticed that! I'll try to cut down on it.

And thanks Shaun!

[Jake.]

Niall.. that was a fantastic read man, keep at it! Terrific!

[Niall]

Originally Posted by JH95

Niall.. that was a fantastic read man, keep at it! Terrific!