[Livia]

A child belongs to both parents and benefits from having both a mother and a father playing an active role in their life. Of course, that's in a perfect world. Sometimes men and/or women, don't live up to their responsibilities.

[user104658]

I don't believe that a child "belongs to" anyone but themselves and therefore it's about what's best for a child.

The hierarchy of which goes like this:

- ideal -

Two good parents
One good parent and one lacklustre parent
One good parent alone
Two lacklustre parents
One lacklustre parent alone
No parents at all
One good parent and one abusive parent
One lacklustre parent and one abusive parent
Two abusive parents

- worst -

So as you can see, my opinion is that in many cases, one good parent is better than a lot of combinations of two parents. However, if parent number 2 is good or even just average, and want to be involved, then they should be involved.

If they are in any way abusive - and that means physically OR mentally (a bully parent can do just as much lasting damage as a violent one) then they are right at the bottom of the pile.

[reece(:]

I've had one parent my whole life and wouldn't have had it any other way.

[Crimson Dynamo]

Ideally both parents

you need a mum for cuddles and dad for laughs and logic

[Daniel-X]

Well like I say my dad passed away when I was nine and when I was six I think or I could have been seven my parents had split up anyway.

Obviously my dad passing away when I was such a young age and so unexpectedly will forever affect me in many ways but I think my mum does her best and her best is very good and I love her so much for what's she done to me and I don't think she realises how grateful I am.

[arista]

Originally Posted by Quasar

Basically my sister is having grief with her loser ex. He's a mentally abusive moron who has wanted nothing to do with his child since she was born. My sister cut all contact with him because of the harassment she was getting from him. When she cut contact he told her he was taking her to court so he could see the baby.
He isn't interested in the child and is only concerned with what my sister is up to.

He's been tweeting crap today and he retweeted something from Fathers4Justice about a parent needing two parents.

Do you agree with this?

I feel what a child needs is stability and if one parent can provide that for a child then that's all they need.

Yes in a Ideal World
Both Parents is the Best.

But if that does not work out
find another Man who is OK with a Single Mum.


Life Is Short

[AnnieK]

A child deserves unconditional love, safety, nurturing and teaching. Whomever provides that is the right person / people.

[armand.kay]

Well I didn't have my dad around when I was younger and it made me feel like **** as a kid but he tried to come back in my life when I was 16 and it was really awkward and weird.

[lily.]

Originally Posted by Quasar

I feel what a child needs is stability and if one parent can provide that for a child then that's all they need.

I agree with this 100%. I was raised with both parents. I am married, and have raised my own kids with them having both parents. However, there are a lot of bad parents. In my view, one good parent is better than 2 bad ones. It's quality, not quantity that counts.

Originally Posted by Daniel-X

Well like I say my dad passed away when I was nine and when I was six I think or I could have been seven my parents had split up anyway.

Obviously my dad passing away when I was such a young age and so unexpectedly will forever affect me in many ways but I think my mum does her best and her best is very good and I love her so much for what's she done to me and I don't think she realises how grateful I am.

You should tell her some time. I know she would appreciate it. I'm a mother, and there's nothing sweeter than when one of my kids says something nice to me about my parenting. It doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, it's special.

Also, sorry about your dad Daniel. That must be tough.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

Ideally both parents

you need a mum for cuddles and dad for laughs and logic

To be fair, in our house we all have a lot of cuddles and laughs. Logic... Weeell... All three of them are female so I'm pretty much on my own with that one.

oh no he didn't.


But yes, another reason to ideally have two parents in the mix is just to get a bit of added perspective. Everyone has their bad days when they're being unreasonable, and if there's only one parent around, there's no one to step in and advocate for fairness.

Again, that of course only works if the second parent isn't a waste of space.

OP if there's a risk of him being physically or mentally abusive, bullying, manipulating or controlling then in all honesty I'd say do whatever necessary to just keep him away.

If it's just a bad relationship (which happens, some relationships are just toxic and destructive), while he might still be a decent father, then for everyone's sake it would be best to make the effort.

[Glenn.]

He is textbook waste of space

[Ninastar]

If they are both decent people then yeah, it's important to have both parents in their life. I think people need to think really carefully about who they have children with. From what I've personally seen, the kids who act up the most are the ones with parental issues. Perhaps I'm being judgemental, but I'm just seriously against people having kids when they don't deserve them. If you're going to be a parent, just make sure it's with someone who can actually act like an adult.

[Mitchell]

I've spent over 4 years with only one and I'm happy with one loving parent,

[Glenn.]

Originally Posted by Chaos

If they are both decent people then yeah, it's important to have both parents in their life. I think people need to think really carefully about who they have children with. From what I've personally seen, the kids who act up the most are the ones with parental issues. Perhaps I'm being judgemental, but I'm just seriously against people having kids when they don't deserve them. If you're going to be a parent, just make sure it's with someone who can actually act like an adult.

I totally agree with this tbh.

My sister gave him a clear choice and plenty of chances to be an adult about it because in the state she was in mentally, she genuinely believed it would be the making of him, much to our annoyance. What could we do? Make her abort the baby? Thinking back to when she told us she was pregnant my immediate reaction was 'ffs now she's trapped' after I had spent two years trying to get her away from him.
When he told her he didn't want anything to do with the baby, she told him that was fine and that she was still having the baby and she wouldn't ask anything from him but if he wanted anything to do with the baby she wouldn't stop him.
The time apart made her realise what a complete lunatic he was and her eyes were opened to what affect he had had on her. I can remember a few weeks after they split and I told her that what he had been doing was abuse and she outright dismissed it but thankfully she has seen the light.
Que nine months of him threatening her friends, the children of her friends, any man who dared to speak to her etc. The usual insults like, you'll never find anyone, no one will have you now. Kidnap threats. He told her he was going to get her after work one night and drive them into a tree. It was constant.
If I believed for one minute he genuinely wanted to be a positive part of the baby's life I wouldn't have a problem with him. But even the couple of weeks contact he's had just proves he hasn't changed and has no desire too.

Of course a child would benefit if they had a mother and a father in their lives but in this case having him in her life would be nothing short of catastrophic.

[bots]

The more loving and caring people around a child the better whether that be parents or not. I wouldn't want to comment on any of the other aspects.

[Mystic Mock]

Well I've never experienced being a child with only a single parent looking after me.

But my opinion is that they'll probably struggle more with bullying at School if they've only got one parent at home, but overall the child would probably be more happy than children who live in homes with both parents abusing them.

So overall I think that it can be done, it's just a lot harder I'd imagine.

[Mystic Mock]

Alright I've just read the whole thread properly.

He sounds like a dick to me, I would punch him in the face if his really like how you're saying he is.

[the truth]

if hes that bad she should get an injunction out against him. I see so many morons having kids, often to get more benefits. Often those kids haven't got a hope in hell...these are so many suicide attempts from young people in messed up homes, its so tragic. kids in those families would be better off in care , fostered or adopted

[jennyjuniper]

If the father is a decent guy and loves his child/children, then of course it's better for a child to have two parents in his/her life. Children need role models of both sexes. However, if the father OR mother is unsuitable to have the care of a child, whether it's because of violence, drug or alcohol abuse, then the child's needs MUST come first.
One thing I would like to say though is that if for any reason a woman doesn't want the childs father to have anything to do with him or her, it would be a good idea to introduce a good male role model to the child as he/she grows up. Input from decent people of both sexes, is I feel important.

[the truth]

Originally Posted by jennyjuniper

If the father is a decent guy and loves his child/children, then of course it's better for a child to have two parents in his/her life. Children need role models of both sexes. However, if the father OR mother is unsuitable to have the care of a child, whether it's because of violence, drug or alcohol abuse, then the child's needs MUST come first.
One thing I would like to say though is that if for any reason a woman doesn't want the childs father to have anything to do with him or her, it would be a good idea to introduce a good male role model to the child as he/she grows up. Input from decent people of both sexes, is I feel important.

mothers have way too much control over this and it shouldn't be down to them to decide on whether the father is alienated , if the mother or father thinks the other is a dangerous parent then that's a matter to take to the courts and police. but the bias is incredible towards mothers and that hurts a lot of kids.

[Kizzy]

This isn't a good example as the bloke is abusive but if parents just split then I feel it's important for the child to maintain good contact with the father.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by the truth

mothers have way too much control over this and it shouldn't be down to them to decide on whether the father is alienated , if the mother or father thinks the other is a dangerous parent then that's a matter to take to the courts and police. but the bias is incredible towards mothers and that hurts a lot of kids.

Yeah absolutely agree with this, family law desperately needs updating. It's the kids who suffer the most by either parent trying to hurt the other by using their kids as pawns and most of that "power" is in the mothers hands atm because the laws are so unfair towards fathers. I'd like to think that most mothers wouldn't abuse that power because ultimately it's their own children they'll hurt most but I have seen it done in my own experiences so no doubt it's happening alot more than it should

[the truth]

it should also be a crime to lie about parentage, frankly those mothers who lie about it should be jailed and those who lie to extort money from men who later find theyre not the dad should be imprisoned for years and not be allowed a lenient sentence simply because they have kids. kids would be better off without mothers like that

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by the truth

it should also be a crime to lie about parentage, frankly those mothers who lie about it should be jailed and those who lie to extort money from men who later find theyre not the dad should be imprisoned for years and not be allowed a lenient sentence simply because they have kids. kids would be better off without mothers like that

Yeah, of course, I doubt that's actually a common thing though, I think most people would just take the actual dad to court unless they don't actually know for sure.

[the truth]

they should end the confusion and lies and get parents blood tested whenever there is a shred of doubt