[Angus]

1. On entering the house, target and pay attention to the average looking girl in the house to get her onside so you have an ally, she will be flattered by the attention since she doesn't usually get much on the outside. You will then be able to rely on her to "have your back".

2. Next, target the most beautiful girl in the house and persistently harrass and harangue her to show the viewers from early on that you are not "shallow and fake" but "real" and "honest". ( After all, the viewers would expect you, being the "fittest" guy to make a beeline for the "fittest" girl). By showing your disdain and contempt for beautiful girl, you will demonstrate your "depth".

3. Constantly dissect and try to identify other HMs "game plans" in order to demonstrate to the viewers that you are "genuine" and "can't stand fakes". You are already aware that a lot of viewers will overlook this sort of behaviour from those they perceive as "fit". After all, one of the biggest bitches last year won the whole damn show!

4. Identify the most passive bloke in the house so that you can constantly pick on him in order to grandstand to the viewers by identifying real or imaginary faults with said HM in order to score brownie points with the public. This can be risky when the bloke in question starts to point out your hypocrisy.

5. If the average looking girl that you have selected as your main house buddy does, for some unfathomable reason, reject you, make sure you create a huge drama out of it by crying in the diary room and threatening to walk, thereby ensuring maximum airtime. Tell said average looking girl that she is your best mate and you can't cope without her - this will flatter her and guarantee her loyalty.

6. Once you have average girl back under your spell again, reel her in by ensuring lots of physical contact, and then act surprised when people start questioning whether you have feelings for her. Again this will they/won't they storyline will guarantee maximum airtime. If played right, you can spin this out for weeks and weeks.

7. Don't forget to pick a fight with another goodlooking girl, but choose wisely in case said girl gives as good as she gets and makes you look like a knobhead.

8. Flirt with the goodlooking friend of average girl to create a bit of jealousy - all the time ensuring you are sending mixed signals to average girl -this will ensure that average girl will do all she can to eliminate the competition thereby saving you the trouble.

9. Keep the fauxmance going for as long as possible since this guarantees lots of air time and, of course, magazine articles and media interest outside, so the photoshoots will be lined up in advance. Meanwhile get close to the gay guy as well to stir up public interest in your sexuality, thereby creating more potential for magazine articles etc.

10. Make sure to start plenty of arguments inside the house by picking on the slightest thing, but ensure they are directed towards women or the passive bloke. This will ensure more opportunities for grandstanding to the public, and once you are reasonably confident of your status in the house, you can afford to take chances; such as slagging off the public in the interests of appearing to be unconcerned how you are being perceived. This is reverse psychology and if played right, will reinforce that you are being "honest", "real" and "straightforward". Always be on the lookout to score brownie points with the public, and ignore the accusations of ambulance chasing. Remember the golden rule: "Attack is the best form of defence".

11. Towards the end of the show, start to find fault in average girl, but be careful not to focus on her looks or weight, but on personality traits, or magnify and blow out of proportion things she is saying or doing in the house. Play this one carefully since average girl must be seen to be at fault for betraying the "fittest" guy in the house, who has stuck "loyally" to her. This will ensure loss of support for her in the end game.

12. Be crowned BB11 Winner and collect your cheque for £100,000.
Sit back and wait for all the photoshoots, magazine articles etc. Reconcile with average looking girl just long enough to do some articles "Where did it go wrong"? "There could be a future for us", blah blah blah. Book flight back to Oz, laughing all the way to the bank.