[Locke.]

My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and *****d. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me.

You want specifics, I suppose.

When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing.

When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice.

When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald men cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did.