[Omah]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/t...ht-review.html

Cynics predicted that reality behemoth Big Brother’s move to Richard Desmond’s Five would drag it even further downmarket. Judging by tonight’s live launch show, those cynics were absolutely correct. If anything, they underestimated how much further downmarket.

“Celebrity” reality shows often stretch the word’s definition to breaking point but this batch may finally have snapped it. Rumours of famous names had been rife in the build-up, often disseminated by Desmond’s own tabloids.

None came to fruition. The barrel-scraping cast of ten contestants had a definite whiff of last minute pull-outs and parachuted-in reserves. The majority are notable only for who they married or for taking part in other reality shows.

It was hardly a meeting of minds either, with half the housemates irredeemably thick. The show’s usual pre-entry psychological evaluation has presumably been waived too - especially for fragile Kerry Katona and faded Hollywood starlet Tara Reid, who seemed so spaced out, she could barely open the door to the gaudily-revamped house.

That pair were joined by Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff (cackling irritant and ex-wife of David Hasselhoff), Sally Bercow (publicity-seeking irritant and current wife of House Of Common speaker John) and Amy Childs – the dead-eyed charisma vacuum from The Only Way Is Essex, whose sole selling point seems to be that she’s cheaper to hire than Jordan.

The males were even weaker: incomprehensible bare-knuckle fighter Paddy Doherty from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding; peacock-haired “Mr Paparazzi” Darren Lyons; male model Bobby Sabel; and soap actor Lucian Laviscount. Even hardened celebrity-spotters would struggle to recognise the latter two.

It’s coming to something when John and Edward Grimes - aka Jedward, the tuneless Irish twins who shot to infamy on The X Factor – are the most famous men in the house. The pair apparently have a clause in their contract to exempt them from any task that might involve cutting their trademark vertiginous quiffs.

The lawyer drafting that one must be proud his years of study had come to this. Still, after failing to triumph in either The X Factor or this year’s Eurovision, this might just be the first competition they win.

There were a few saving graces. The production values seemed solid enough. Geordie voiceover man Marcus Bentley was still present and correct. New host Brian Dowling was warm, witty and watchable.

Good for Brian, Bad for HMs .....