[mr rochester]

Originally Posted by Livia

Firstly, is there a woman alive who would think a man sleeping with 1000 women is hot? Also, I find it almost impossible to believe 1000 women would find him attractive. Lastly, imagine paying for a hot man and Jay turns up. How jipped would you feel?! I'd be straight on the phone to Customer Services...

Dear Customer Services

I wish to make a complaint! My Grandmama booked an escort to accompany her to a Country Club Dinner. Unfortunately, you sent Justine Waggot to assist her. We, as a family, wish to protest in the strongest possible terms about your Operative's gauche and embarrassing table manners. Also, you may wish to advise him that pulling his trousers down and applying an electric razor to his nether regions did not get even one cheap laugh that he was hoping for. His flatulence when introduced to the the guests on the top table went down like a bucket of sick at a wedding. The night (and his implicit disgrace) ended in him offering the contents of his bowels to the Country Club's refrigerator and now my Grandmama is embarrassed beyond repair. As a result she has had to have post-traumatic stress counselling. Notwithstanding all of the above - the entire party had to have Hepatitis B injections - just to be on the safe side - for health and safety reasons. T'was not pleasant. We look forward to a full refund immediately - if not sooner.

Might we respectfully request that you do not release him on the general public again until you have trained him in polite manners and etiquette. You may also wish to inform him that a fish knife is not used to manicure one's nails.

Thank you so much

Harry Windsor