[Shaun]

Nathaniel ft. Nouveau-Dale-Win



********

Youtube video

Lyrics + Stage Directions

Nathaniel and Nouveau-Dale-Win run on stage wearing headphones, designer coats and beret hats holding a baguette. The stage is filled with dancers dressed up as frogs, snails and various other ********-esque creatures. Amongst them is one random Spanish man dressed as a lemur. The backdrop is the pink ******** spiral as well as several tents, trees and other scenery.

(Nouveau-Dale-Win)
Oh sometimes we go on ********
We play some rubbish that you've never never never heard before, oh no
But that's the fun of ********
Oh sometimes I go on ********
And I swear if you ever ever ever skip my songs oh no
I will beat you with a frog, k?

All background dancers bar the frogs pick up the frog dancers and whack eachother with them. The frog dancers make croaking noises.

Nathaniel and Nouveau-Dale-Win throw their coats off à la Bucks Fizz. Nathaniel dances by a DJ deck with the French flag imprinted on it and a Dell laptop perched on top, messing around with vinyl records and *DJing*.

(Nathaniel)
I'm your fan, now s'il vous plait, be my fan
Woot me Ammi, I'm playing Arianna Lee
I'll play some Eminem one day
Arianna first
Oh you like The Gossip?
Well I could play Heavy Cross, but that was just done
But here's something fun
Which Rolling Stones songs do you want?
Yes I've got a brand new playlist
It's filled with Hanson
Love Ain't Gonna Wait For You by S Club
I Was Born A Winner, Freddie McGregor
Same Old Brand New You by A1
I hope you woot that, because I am gonna play that
I found it like a needle in a haystack
Straight after that...it's Rebecca Black
Then how about some Rocky, A$AP

Noveau-Dale-Win jumps up and down rampantly as that is all his ******** character will allow him to do.

(Nouveau-Dale-Win)
Oh sometimes we go on ********
We play some Steps songs that you've never never never heard before, oh no
But that's the fun of ********
Oh sometimes I go on ********
And I swear if you ever ever ever skip my songs oh no
I'll slap you with a baguette (baguette, baguette, baguette, baguette, bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb)

Lights go black for 2.3 seconds before a burst of pink and yellow lights flash around the stage. The dancers have now advanced to taking baguettes and repetitively slapping the frog dancers with them.

(Nathaniel)
I stay up past half four.
I've got power, moderator
One second, just struck gold
A brand new video of Sticks for all of you
Plug it in, listen in
Skipping's not an option you have to listen to him
Witness this act of terrorism
No fear whilst he passes the delicatessen
I know, let's play Ministry of Sound
Oh God sake looks like it's the triangles now
Slower than ever won't hold me down
I'll probably still be here in another 5 hours
It's getting late, but it's my turn next
You all need to hear this song by Mêlée
No mehs please, been queued since 8
And don't bloody think about trying to kick me

Nathaniel and Nouveau-Dale-Win join together dancing whilst trying to get their own turn on the DJ deck, eventually both of them start slapping eachother with baguettes picked up from the floor of the stage.

(Nathaniel + Nouveau-Dale-Win)
Oh sometimes we go on ********
We play some rubbish that you've never never never heard before, oh no
But that's the fun of ********
Oh sometimes I go on ********
And I swear if you ever ever ever skip my songs, oh no
I'll throw snails at you, oui? Oui?!?!?! OUUUUIIIIIIIII!!!?!?!?!?!?

The dancers wildly begin to attack eachother with snails. The snail dancers refuse to take part in such savage cruelty and end up being used as part of the attack. A stage runner holds up a placard that has written in bold letters "IRONY".

Nathaniel is somehow on the ceiling of the studio. He falls straight into a snail, crushing and massacring it in the process. A parade of medical assistants run onto the stage crowding around Nathaniel and the snail immediately performing CPR. Nouveau-Dale-Win and all the other dancers also crowd around looking incredibly worried for the wellbeing of their companions. A Lithuanian man dressed as an ostrich is seen in the background chomping into a baguette and a packet of Doritos watching a previously unseen strategically placed television.

Nathaniel awakens and starts to speak again frailly.

(Nathaniel)
********, ********
I know you want to come to ********
Let's skip this, let's skip this
I cannot stand Ed Sheeran
Let's skip this, let's skip this
Never really was a fan of Amerie
Let's play this, let's play this
We all love a bit of The World's Greatest

Nathaniel jumps up and immediately begins to dance again. He is joined with Nouveau-Dale-Win as they relentlessly hop up and down in one area. The medical team and dancers in the background dance around in unison.

(Nathaniel + Nouveau-Dale-Win)
Oh sometimes we go on ********
We play 90s pop bands that you've never never never heard of before, no no
But that's the fun of ********
Oh sometimes I go on ********
And I swear if you ever ever ever skip my songs oh no
I'll murder your family, oui!!!!!!

The stage suddenly freezes over and a trolley spontaneously appears in the middle. Sticks runs onto the stage shouting "SOME IDIOT, SOME MORON, YOU DON'T PUT A TROLLEY IN THE MIDDLE OF A FROZEN STAGE". He is instantly captured by the animal dancers who throw him into the trolley and spin him around in the middle of the stage for fun, much to his bemusement.

Sometimes no one's on ******** :'(

Everyone bows their head and the stage goes pitch black.

Le Fin.