[Munchkins]

I'm copying my posts from the sexuality thread and adding some more, but i really feel like making a thread about how i feel, to see if anyone else feels the same, it's just so odd
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I absolutely love men ok, that's clear, i am so attracted to them
However though as much as i like men, i dont ever think i want to date and its really difficult. The thought of me succombing and allowing myself to completely be someones other half, makes me just feel ill, i just never want to give myself to someone.. and it's not just about being scared of getting hurt, which i am! i just could never desire to wanting to be someones forever.. and having that full time commitment which is just awful, i like my independence, and i just don't think id ever fit a relationship.

Also my OCD is so bad, and i think i'd always judge someone? id never feel they were good enough, i'd always pick faults in either them, to get myself out of the situation, or would think i'm not good enough, no matter how much they liked me.. and im just too clingy id either be standoffish in an effort not to be.. or would just be an irritant.
basically im not cut out to date someone, and thats just how it is
And it all just hit me last night, i was just laying in bed and i just thought omfg i never ever want to date someone? even if someone was perfect in every shape or form, id never want to be with them romantically or anything, yeah i may find them sexually attractive, but thats all, i still wouldn't do anything with them, it just repulses me

People may say you're only 16 you can't know for sure, but i do and its quite a depressing thought that i will live alone and eventhough i'm fine with it, it is going to be odd and i don't know how people will react. I can't define myself as Asexual i dont think, because i do find people sexually attractive just i'd never want to be with someone, like i could kiss someone, but i would never want it to go further than that ever, and so i dont even want to kiss people as its leading them on? as i will never go further. People know they're gay at 16, so how can i know i dont want to be with someone
No-one else i know feels the same and this thread is so incoherent but still

If you read this essay i applaud you LOL