[sampvt]

I can imagine the pre program board room decisions.....They probably had a chuff chart with things to find....Go forth young man and find us the following people for our up and coming series.The list is as follows....

1. Find us an annoying, over the top and ever so slightly delusional camp narcissist that will do anything to grab airtime so we can piss the public off and placate the wishes of those that form part of our viewing figures and keep the forums alive.................THEY FOUND AARON.

2. We need the mandatory nutter that is going to provide us with a public and humiliating meltdown live on tv and hey ho.......WE GOT EILEEN.

3. Eye candy is essential in every series but in this one we need someone that's going to get the vote lines lit up, energise the gay viewers and totally piss off the straights with a man that loves himself so much it hurts.....WE GOT CRISTIAN.

4. Helen Wood was a winner so get us a clone of her and make sure she is willing to drop her drawers to provide us with the mandatory shag fest......WE GOT SARAH

5. Now we need a potential winner that we can manipulate and force down the publics throats. He needs to be good looking, contrived and motivated to run in a straight line direct to the winning post. He needs to have a sad sob story, he needs to be able to cry, argue passively and be very willing to screw the cast to get the mag deals and camera time. Oh and don't forget he needs to be PC and appeal to the grannies as they vote as well.....WE GOT DANNY.

6. The mandatory posh fool with a modicum of acting skills and the fake back story is always a winner so .....WE GOT NICK.

7. We need a common o garden fat kid that looks like he has been bullied but needs to be capable of following a storyline so we can drag him all over the place. Someone that appears to be very plain but at the same time someone we can centralise and push......WE GOT JACK.

8. Obviously the bad bitch is a must but if she is black, that will be better because they come across as a ghetto mama and we need the fight scenes and the dilemmas they bring....WE GOT ADJOA.

9. The rest of them can be eye candy and a mixture of dipsticks but they must all be accomplished actors and willing to be manipulated. In fact get us some tits and bums and some that will reflect the plight of the lower classes and we will be sound........WE GOT THE REST.

This year the prods did a good job shopping but forgot to provide some decent tasks and storylines. They are batting at the crease with no plans or ideas and its a day to day mishmash of cockups and boring twists.

I know its only been a coupe of days, but its beginning to stink of boredom.