[Vicky.]

I tell a lie actually. I once did feel an urge to murder, a serious one, not a 'I will bloody kill them' passing thought. When it was revealed my little brother had been abused by an 18 year old when I was 16. I genuinely was going to kill him and I did not give a **** at all that his family would be grieving and such. The only thing that managed to stop me was my parents saying about me going to prison. I think that scared them a bit, that no 'emotional' reasoning with me worked, and only bringing up a possible consequence for myself helped. And even then I went into how I would effectively 'hide' what I had done and maybe try to frame someone else if I could not make it out to be an accident.

I am very good at 'faking' guilt for stuff. I learnt that as a young child. I did know deep down that I was nothing like my siblings or parents.

It feels odd to finally get this out properly..as the only person I can speak about properly about this is my psychiatrist. And I only ended up seeing her because a gambing counselor once mentioned to me that from what I said to her, it sounded like I was a sociopath :S It worried me a lot as I was of the opinion that sociopaths were naturally really horrible people (also I did not meet the 'requirements' completely, as I do have emotions when my children/family are involved, so not totally emotionless), but it turns out thats not necessarily the case at all. And that a lot of people like me can effectively act 'normal' pretty easily.

Though I do admit, I am not normal at all and when I want to, I can manipulate most situations into my chosen conclusion with literally no thought at all to how it will affect anyone else. As an example I have purposely split up long term relationships as it was convenient for me to do so. And did not care at all when I saw how sad both parties were because of my actions. That kind of thing. I genuinely do not care about the consequences for anyone other than myself. I can pretend to. But I don't. I cannot 'empathize'. Again, I have tried, but I can't. I can pretend to pretty convincingly though.

I know this is making me out to be absolutely horrendous. Not even sure why I have gone so much into this on here as its not really relevant at all. But yeah, I don't believe a videogame could be a trigger.