[Kate!]

Confessions of a Carpetmuncher
A tell all story into the world of Sabrina Floorboarder. From messy relationships, to messy slags she has to face on a day to day basis.

(Sabrina BEGS for no more editing tasks!)

Our story starts in Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania, Sabrina's home town. She's a small girl with big dreams, and has a crush on Mitchell, the boy in her class, with the great hair, the great body, and the great personality. But he's too good for her. That's what she thinks anyway. She spends her days drooling over him, but unfortunately coming to the conclusion there will never be a friendship there, let alone a relationship. That's until one fateful day when they happen to bump into each other. It's like something out a movie (literally). They glare into each others eyes as Cupid fires bow and arrows everywhere. Our Sab snatches his phone number, and skips home excited. They have a few dates, and it's all going splendid. But what kind of story would this be if there was no problem? Mitchell is approached for a job in the UK, requiring an immediate relocation. Sabrina is devastated, until Mitchell takes a wild leap in their relationship and invites her to go with him. After consulting grandmother Nancy Dell'Oreo & older sister Trixanna Fanny Fluttaire, Sabrina agrees and they head off to the UK.

They buy a cosy little flat and everything seems to be going well. Sabrina meets and befriends struggling actress Jessie Pres Debby Ryan and the mysterious Eve Elle. They invite her and Mitchell to a party and they obviously accept. At the party, Debby (being an ~actress) attempts to get them into the VIP lounge but is laughed at and told to fook off. However, Bambi Don Perignon notices Mitchell and licks her lips. She tells the bouncer to let Mitchell in, but Mitchell says he's only coming in if his friends are. Bambi rolls her eyes and allows. Sabrina is wary of Bambi, who's giving her evils from across the room with her best friend Fanny Precious Cooch, but Mitchell tells her not to worry. Later in the night, as Sabrina is retreating from the bar to her table with a glass of wine, trips into Bambi, spilling the dark red wine all over her new, expensive, custom dress. The two girls get into a screaming match; 'YOU REALLY THINK I'D WASTE MY WINE ON YOUR LEG?' Sabrina yells as Bambi screams 'SHURRUP YA DICK' before twatting her right in the nose. 'YOU DO NOT HIT A GIRL!' Debby interjects, pulling Sabrina (who's nose is bleeding profusely) away. Bambi turns to Fanny, saying she'll get her back, the best way a girl can. Steal her boyfriend. She goes over to Sabrina's table and says she apologizes and things went way too far. Sabrina accepts, but to apologize is not Bambi's intention. She slips her address in Mitchell's pocket before leaving.

Mitchell & Sabrina return to their flat, and Sabrina says she's going to clean up and then head to bed. Mitchell says he'll join her, before finding Bambi's address, and he tells her he'll be back soon. He knocks on the door to Bambi's mansion and she invites him inside. He demands to know what fully happened between her & Sabrina, but Bambi lies, saying Sabrina chucked it over her and was being rude beforehand. Tears fill her eyes, and Mitchell comforts her. It's then that Bambi advances towards Mitchell, planting her lips on his. And Fanny, in hiding, snaps a pic on her phone, before winking at Bambi. Bambi's lips curl into a smile and she pushes Mitchell off her, apologizing and saying he should go. He runs out as Bambi & Fanny celebrate. Mitchell returns home, expecting Sabrina to be asleep. But she's wide awake, looking at her phone, her eyes stained with tears, mascara down her cheeks. Mitchell goes to apologize but Sabrina throws a pillow at him and goes to sleep. In the morning, Mitchell apologizes, saying it was a mistake, and that he was tricked. Sabrina says she doesn't want to hear it, but is interested when Mitchell tells her that Bambi said how it all happened. Hearing that Bambi told Mitchell that it was on purpose (-Sabrina Carpenter) makes her snap and she storms out the house to meet up with Debby and Eve to discuss what to do. It's there that she meets Debby's friend, who Debby says she should use to make Mitchell jealous. Sabrina says she'd feel bad using her friend, but the friend says it's okay because he's gay. Sabrina agrees, and texts Mitchell to let him know he's dumped and she's moving out. She heads to the bathroom, and Eve follows her. Eve tells her that she's an assassin, and can act as a hitwoman if Sabrina needs her too. Sabrina chuckles, thinking it's a joke, but Eve makes it evidently clear she's not. Sabrina is taken aback, and worriedly tells Eve she'll consider her over before leaving. Eve follows her out. Bambi then appears from one of the stalls, a sadistic smile on her face.

Mitchell steps out of the flat as Sabrina is stood with Debby's friend. Noticing Mitchell, Sabrina turns to the friend and gets closer. The friend pulls Sabrina in for a kiss, and Mitchell speedily walks away. They laugh, and the friend says he'll text her later before also walking away. Sabrina heads towards the flat, but is grabbed by a masked figure and injected with a mysterious substance. She passes out and is tossed into the back of a van.

Sabrina's eyes gradually begin to open, and she finds herself tied up with Fanny staring at her. She tries to get free but the ropes are too tight. Just then Bambi appears, her heels looking dangerously sharp. Bambi tells a shocked Sabrina that she overheard her entire conversation with Eve, and that she knows she was considering hiring a hitwoman. Sabrina tells her that that is not the case, but Bambi stomps her foot, the heel making a dent in the floor. She tells Sabrina that she can't hire the hitwoman if Bambi gets her first and begins to walk forward. Sabrina gulps and shivers before a doorbell is heard. Bambi sighs and goes to answer it, telling Fanny to keep an eye on Sabrina. After she's left the room, Sabrina begs Fanny to set her free, telling her exactly what she wants to hear. Fanny opens up to Sabrina, telling her she doesn't like Bambi, it's just she's helped her through so much and feels like she owes it to her to be her friend. Sabrina says she's so much better than that, and the girls have a heart to heart. Fanny gives in, and unties Sabrina, but tells her to run. Quick. 'But what about you?' Sabrina asks, her lip quivering. 'Don't worry about me,' Fanny reassures her, 'it's my time.' Sabrina goes to get her, but hears Bambi coming back and reluctantly runs off.

'WHERE is she?' Bambi yells at Fanny. Fanny says it's gone too far, and tells Bambi she doesn't want to be her friend any longer. She goes to leave, but Bambi removes one of her monster heels and chops off her head. Bambi looks regretful for a split second, before realising the person she's become.. and loving it. She heads off to find Sabrina. Sabrina is trying every door, but they're all locked. She gets her phone out and calls Mitchell, telling him what's going on. At first he doesn't believe her and hangs up. But after Sabrina sends a voice message of Bambi calling out to her with threatening language, Mitchell realises the severity of the situation and rushes off to find her. On his way over, he runs into Debby & Eve, who go with him. They bang on the front door, and Bambi answers, despite being covered in blood. She is horrified to see the three of them and tries to slam the door, but they keep it open and barge her out the way. She fights the three of them, knocking Debby into the wall and Mitchell away. Mitchell creeps off to look for Sabrina as Eve & Bambi continue their battle. Mitchell finds Sabrina and leads her to the exit, but they gasp when they find Debby dead and Eve nowhere to be found. Bambi looks over and cackles maniacally, before charging towards them with the heel. They back up against a wall and grasp each other's hand. 'I love you..' Mitchell tells Sabrina. 'I love you too' she replies. But just as Bambi gets there, Eve plunges a samurai sword into her back, killing her instantly. Mitchell and Sabrina breathe a deep sigh of relief, and the three of them run out. Eve gets out a match, telling Mitchell & Sabrina she's fully getting the memories out of their lives. She mourns Debby as Sabrina comforts her, before setting the place alight. The three look deep into the flames as the film ends.


Cast List
(just as a who's who on the poster!)

Spoiler:

Sabrina Floorboarder

Sabrina Carpenter

Debby Ryan

Debby Ryan

Fanny Precious Cooch

Kim Kardashian

Trixanna Fanny Fluttaire

Morgan Willett

Bambi Don Perignon

Paris Hilton

Nancy Dell'Oreo

Nancy Dell'Olio

Eve Elle

Sofia Carson

Mitchell

Kevin Quinn