[arista]

[Revealed: Oxford University student, 20,
killed himself after being 'cancelled'
when female friend told pals she felt
'uncomfortable' with their sexual encounter

Oxford student Alexander Rogers, 20,
died after jumping into the River Thames]


This is very tragic


[Two of Alexander's friends confronted him
over the girl's allegations and told him
he had 'messed up' and they
'needed space from him'.

The next day, he jumped into the
River Thames at Donnington Bridge
and died of serious head injuries.]


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...encounter.html

[user104658]

What is this absolute mess? Is this article (and apparently this investigation) really blaming this fellow's friends for his suicide because they "unfairly" told him to **** off after he sexually assaulted another member of the friendship group?

Is this a joke?

I mean it's a shame that he felt he had no other way out of the situation he created for himself but this attempt to blame his friends who were disgusted, or worse, the girl herself for saying anything, is utterly repulsive.

And what is it even on about "due process"? People are now supposed to force friendships with people they no longer like because they don't have "sufficient evidence" to step away?

Utter madness.

[arista]

[after he sexually assaulted another member]

On TV News reports
yesterday
no one said it like that.............

They said it was not rape.



It is all Over Done
on their WhatsApp group

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Quantum Boy

What is this absolute mess? Is this article (and apparently this investigation) really blaming this fellow's friends for his suicide because they "unfairly" told him to **** off after he sexually assaulted another member of the friendship group?

Is this a joke?

I mean it's a shame that he felt he had no other way out of the situation he created for himself but this attempt to blame his friends who were disgusted, or worse, the girl herself for saying anything, is utterly repulsive.

And what is it even on about "due process"? People are now supposed to force friendships with people they no longer like because they don't have "sufficient evidence" to step away?

Utter madness.

I think it's the fact that they were thinking that he was guilty till proven innocent that doesn't make the friends look good imo.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

I think it's the fact that they were thinking that he was guilty till proven innocent that doesn't make the friends look good imo.

Interpersonal relationships are not a court of law and I find the jist of that in the article extremely concerning. I'll include an exhaustive list below of the evidence required to step away from a personal relationship of any kind with any person:

#1 You no longer want to be around them.

There you go. That's the full evidence list.


Now like I said, I'm not without sympathy for him, it's a shame that he lacked the coping mechanisms to deal with this event in his life, but he wasn't being arrested, he wasn't even being reported, he wasn't going to prison - he just behaved in a way that his friends didn't like, and they didn't want to be around him any more. That is a completely normal part of life. What in the living hell is this idea that friendship groups need to continue to be inclusive of someone unless there's some sort of "strong case" to end that friendship?

More concerningly still, I think the article suggests (at best) the idea that the girl involved should have kept her discomfort at whatever went down between them to herself, in order to protect the other person involved... or at worst, it leans heavily into the "two sides to every story", "she wanted attention", "she was lying" implications because there "wasn't enough evidence".

Again to reiterate; sure, there was no evidence of a crime being committed and that was never even a suggestion. This isn't a legal issue. She simply was uncomfortable with his behaviour, told people about it, they didn't like it either, he found himself in a bad social situation because of that (again, normal, everyday stuff) and unfortunately he was, for whatever reason, not emotionally stable enough to be able to handle that. ONLY that last part is relevant here. No one "owes" anyone their friendship.

[bots]

my feeling is that he probably took the action he did from a guilty conscience. That is far more likely than from his friends saying anything

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by bots

my feeling is that he probably took the action he did from a guilty conscience. That is far more likely than from his friends saying anything

Exactly and also agree with TS's posts here.

[Livia]

Don't know anything about this lad. Don't know anything about the woman involved. None of us know... but some seem to have decided he did something wrong so who cares if he's dead?

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Livia

Don't know anything about this lad. Don't know anything about the woman involved. None of us know... but some seem to have decided he did something wrong so who cares if he's dead?

I think it's tragic that he's dead whether he did something wrong or not, however the specifics of what happened between the two involved are not really relevant in any way is my opinion. No authorities were involved, he wasn't being arrested, he wasn't being kicked out of University... someone said they didn't like his behaviour towards them, other people agreed, and it made them think badly of him. That's just everyday human interaction. No one owes anyone their friendship. The talk of "due process" to stop talking to someone is absolutely baffling.

[smudgie]

Poor lad. My sympathies go to his family and friends.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Quantum Boy

Interpersonal relationships are not a court of law and I find the jist of that in the article extremely concerning. I'll include an exhaustive list below of the evidence required to step away from a personal relationship of any kind with any person:

#1 You no longer want to be around them.

There you go. That's the full evidence list.


Now like I said, I'm not without sympathy for him, it's a shame that he lacked the coping mechanisms to deal with this event in his life, but he wasn't being arrested, he wasn't even being reported, he wasn't going to prison - he just behaved in a way that his friends didn't like, and they didn't want to be around him any more. That is a completely normal part of life. What in the living hell is this idea that friendship groups need to continue to be inclusive of someone unless there's some sort of "strong case" to end that friendship?

More concerningly still, I think the article suggests (at best) the idea that the girl involved should have kept her discomfort at whatever went down between them to herself, in order to protect the other person involved... or at worst, it leans heavily into the "two sides to every story", "she wanted attention", "she was lying" implications because there "wasn't enough evidence".

Again to reiterate; sure, there was no evidence of a crime being committed and that was never even a suggestion. This isn't a legal issue. She simply was uncomfortable with his behaviour, told people about it, they didn't like it either, he found himself in a bad social situation because of that (again, normal, everyday stuff) and unfortunately he was, for whatever reason, not emotionally stable enough to be able to handle that. ONLY that last part is relevant here. No one "owes" anyone their friendship.

They chucked a friendship away based off of an allegation.

Of course they have the right to do that, but people (myself included) also have the right to judge them negatively for it.

I wouldn't want friends like that, and I doubt that anyone else would either.

[arista]

Originally Posted by bots

my feeling is that he probably took the action he did from a guilty conscience. That is far more likely than from his friends saying anything

No
it was the online group
that pushed him to death.

They were no longer his friend

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

They chucked a friendship away based off of an allegation.

Of course they have the right to do that, but people (myself included) also have the right to judge them negatively for it.

I wouldn't want friends like that, and I doubt that anyone else would either.

An allegation from one of their other friends. Would you want to be friends with people if you told them about something that happened to you, and they said "not enough evidence we're gonna give them the benefit of the doubt"?

Either way it's irrelevant, the issue is the idea that a friendship (and let's face it, in early University these are going to be loose friendship groups at best, not close life-long friends) needs to operate like a court case with checks and balances is absolutely ridiculous. If someone wants to stop hanging around with someone simply because they find them irritating that is totally fine.

The real issue here - and genuinely, I do find it tragic that he took his life, for him and his family - is that he didn't have the coping skills or support network to handle losing a friend group. Again - a completely normal life event.

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Quantum Boy

An allegation from one of their other friends. Would you want to be friends with people if you told them about something that happened to you, and they said "not enough evidence we're gonna give them the benefit of the doubt"?

Either way it's irrelevant, the issue is the idea that a friendship (and let's face it, in early University these are going to be loose friendship groups at best, not close life-long friends) needs to operate like a court case with checks and balances is absolutely ridiculous. If someone wants to stop hanging around with someone simply because they find them irritating that is totally fine.

The real issue here - and genuinely, I do find it tragic that he took his life, for him and his family - is that he didn't have the coping skills or support network to handle losing a friend group. Again - a completely normal life event.

In that case it would come down to who I believed.

But in places like Universities there can be a lot of groupthink going on, which tbf could've easily gone the other way and seen the girl being ostracized from the friendship group.

[arista]

[Oxford University rocked by second tragedy:
Gifted trans student daughter of Fast Show actor
is found hanged days after news of a 'cancelled' pupil
taking his life]



https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...nt-hanged.html

[arista]

[Oxford University has been hit by
a second sudden student death - just days after
the news of a tormented student killing
himself made headlines.

Neuroscience PHD student Cal Shearer, 25,
who is said to have 'radiated warmth to all
those around them', was found hanged
in digs at St John's College
in the city on October 30.

Caring Cal, who was autistic and transgender,
volunteered talking to callers
to The Samaritans helpline,
but privately battled
with their own mental health struggles.]


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...nt-hanged.html


This is Terrible
to hang themselves

[UserSince2005]

Us smarty pants are our own worst enemies sometimes