[Pevalwen]

(Sorry if this thread is in the wrong section)
My school work is to complete a short story that uses literary skill and is a pleasure to read as well as containing successful imagery and perhaps a twist at the end. Here it is:

"Day One
(11:33 pm)

The small light above the door changed from glowing green to pale red as it locked with a click on collision with the frame. I was dressed in a smart colourful jacket but had loosened my tie for a gasp of air in the dizziness of the crazy evening. I was a bit scared.

From now on I was trapped for a month- two months, maybe three or more. It might have felt like forever or perhaps just a day. My actions would govern my future and each move from then on had to be taken with extra care. Everything was surreal and what I was doing was morally unhealthy, but the isolation supported an aura of unbreakable security that no normal- depending on a person’s definition of normal –enclosure could provide. Then again, I was completely surrounded. It may not have felt like it but I knew for certain that a vile company were looking at and analysing me; A kingdom of savage creatures starving for a worthwhile meal that I was to prepare.

I wasn’t the only one in my situation. A selection of other specimens had been planted into a similar, if not identical, place as well, brainwashed and excitable, however eternally doomed. They were almost signing themselves up to be wilfully hunted following release from the alien establishment the longer they stayed.

The carpet was a cheap and black, patches over-shadowed in the small dim light of the cramped room. The shabby features, from up-close, ruined the futuristic illusion. I’d never noticed before, but a strategically placed light was installed into the ceiling to shine directly at me. So much constant electricity… Such a waste. Before me was another door that led to the exit, however I didn’t want to leave, not yet. It’d taken me everything to get here and I was certain it would be worth it: this was my big break, the life-changing chance.

Chilly airs crept around each of the four corners of the claustrophobic area- the cheap mares would obviously rather cut down on central heating prices then tend to the needs of their inhabitants, clients… tools? What had I put myself into? I took a deep sigh, brushed my jacket down and glanced around myself at the padded walls before taking a seat below a dangling microphone. The emotionless camera stared blankly into my eyes, penetrating me with a wave of extreme authority. I reassured myself that it was just a disguise. A mortal just like me was hidden behind the irrepressible mask. I wondered how long I could contain myself before I forgot that.
“Hello, Linton,” Said the voice that represented my new landlord.
“Hello, Big Brother,” I replied, adjusting myself to the disappointingly uncomfortable Diary Room chair for the new series."

The 'twist' is that the location is the Diary Room in the Big Brother house at the beginning of a new series, so I thought I would post it here to ask for your views. Do you think it sounds like the Diary Room (I didn't go into too much detail otherwise the twist would have been revealed too early)? I have been dying to find out what housemates look at when they talk to Big Brother, and all I can think to type is "an emotionless camera". Is that all they see? And does anyone know if there's just a single light in the cieling or a few dotted about? Perhaps you might also be able to spot some small details of the Diary Room that I could slip in?
Any feedback or answers would be rather useful. Thanks!

[Braden]

that's good
keep up the ggod work
and post more !

[Patrick]

Amazing work,

Great Twist

Well I know an Ex Housemate and she said the Diary Room is big but in front of the Chair is wall, A Black Wall and it as a Camera built into the middle of it.

However Saskia told me that so long ago, I dont really talk to her anymore so it might of changed considering BB6 was ages ago and In BB10 Marcus put his T Shirt over the Camera.


The Diary Room Chair was put on top of a little box in BB10..
There is 3 Cameras in the DR, The Main one and 2 other ones that are hidden in the walls at the top of the corners.

[Sticks]

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